tag:mattkollock.com,2005:/blogs/this-is-me-here-i-am?p=4The Matt Kollock Blog2024-03-24T17:47:47-06:00Matt Kollockfalsetag:mattkollock.com,2005:Post/73718212024-03-24T17:47:47-06:002024-03-27T16:52:44-06:00This Is What’s Happening – Spring 2024 Update<img src="//d10j3mvrs1suex.cloudfront.net/s:bzglfiles/u/331717/11ca6e602182d47500c95448d882548fc5b2f437/original/2024-03-25-blog-post.jpg/!!/meta:eyJzcmNCdWNrZXQiOiJiemdsZmlsZXMifQ==" class="size_orig justify_center border_" alt="Matt Kollock smiles at the camera against a blue-green background featuring blooming flowers and text reading, " height="3000" /><p dir="ltr"><span style="color:rgb(0,0,0);">The wind here in Albuquerque is scary today. It’s the kind of wind that does damage to property. It tends to be like this around here in the springtime. But, damn, I really don’t remember it being this intense.</span></p><p dir="ltr"><span style="color:rgb(0,0,0);">Also, it just seems appropriate that the winds should be blowing this powerfully – violently – lately. This world! Am I right???</span></p><p dir="ltr"><span style="color:rgb(0,0,0);">Gets me thinking about the winds of change. A corny cliche, yes. The winds of cheese is more like it.</span></p><p dir="ltr"><span style="color:rgb(0,0,0);">But that’s just how the universe works. It worked this way when I was a good Christian boy. It worked this way when I was a staunch (and super annoying) atheist. It worked this way when I was a born-again awakened psychedelic wonderman. It still works this way today now that I’m…</span></p><p dir="ltr"><span style="color:rgb(0,0,0);">What am I?</span></p><h3><span style="color:rgb(0,0,0);"><strong>A Six-Year Cycle</strong></span></h3><p dir="ltr"><span style="color:rgb(0,0,0);">It all started back in 2018. </span><a class="no-pjax" href="https://www.mariposastrategies.com/"><span style="color:rgb(17,85,204);"><u>Annie</u></span></a><span style="color:rgb(0,0,0);"> and I were beginning to truly lay the foundation of our partnership. My beloved dad had died recently. Our cat Morris had died recently. It was a tough time, yes. But I was also feeling kind of frisky. Weirdly energized and kind of wildly optimistic.</span></p><p dir="ltr"><span style="color:rgb(0,0,0);">And I needed a new way to be in the world. A new way to make money and help support my family. A new way to express myself. I needed to step up.</span></p><p dir="ltr"><span style="color:rgb(0,0,0);">I felt like I had done quite a bit of growing up around that time. I was ready for new challenges. I felt ready to be perceived, and even judged. I also felt pretty sure I could make my life more rich and fulfilling, connect with more like-minded people and liberate my development out of its long arrested state.</span></p><p dir="ltr"><span style="color:rgb(0,0,0);">During an evening of psychedelic journeying, it occurred to me that I didn’t need to introduce anything new into my life in order to start getting the kind of traction I was looking for. I just had to go back to the basics. Back to the source. Back to the stuff that has always fueled and inspired me. The stuff that has always kept me alive.</span></p><p dir="ltr"><span style="color:rgb(0,0,0);">Mostly, I recognized that my best shot at achieving anything worthwhile in life had nothing to do with trying to be a responsible adult with a respectable job and all that bullshit. In fact, my best chance at the life I wanted – for me, for Annie, for everyone I cared about – would come from applying my energy fully toward a career as a musician.</span></p><p dir="ltr"><span style="color:rgb(0,0,0);">So I started writing lots and lots of songs. I got my ass back up on stage and shook that little thing around. I found my voice. I discovered my gifts as a producer. I released some records.</span></p><p dir="ltr"><span style="color:rgb(0,0,0);">And in the meantime, we survived a pandemic. And I became estranged from my family. The toxic family members, anyway. My music career took a bit of a hit. But I never stopped putting one foot in front of the other. I had new inspiration. Traumas from childhood were unearthed and unleashed, causing new traumas in the present.</span></p><p dir="ltr"><span style="color:rgb(0,0,0);">I was hurting. But I was also building a new fire inside of myself. A more sustainable source of power. Thermodynamic. For my life, my partnerships, my values and, of course, this music career of mine.</span></p><p dir="ltr"><span style="color:rgb(0,0,0);">During the downtime, I focused my creative energies on assembling a collection of emotional, fierce and brutally candid songs about my traumatic childhood, its affects on my adulthood – and the healing that has happened through therapy, honest self actualization and the act of finding the others.</span></p><p dir="ltr"><span style="color:rgb(0,0,0);">And now I’m finally finished making the record.</span></p><p dir="ltr"><span style="color:rgb(0,0,0);">I’m crawling back out of the cave. Reemerging. And the fire inside of me has joined forces with electricity. I feel like I can’t be stopped now.</span></p><p dir="ltr"><span style="color:rgb(0,0,0);">It took six years to get to this point. From when I decided to dedicate my life to music with no Plan B to now. I’m on the edge of a new era. It’s really happening. I’m not scared anymore. I’m putting it all out there. And I’m really excited to tell you more about all this stuff.</span></p><p dir="ltr"><span style="color:rgb(0,0,0);">But I can’t right now. Patience!!! There is a plan. There is a rollout happening. Sorry to be so cryptic. But this is my leveling up.</span></p><p dir="ltr"><span style="color:rgb(0,0,0);">I’m glad you’re here.</span></p><h3><span style="color:rgb(0,0,0);"><strong>What’s Going On?</strong></span></h3><p dir="ltr"><span style="color:rgb(0,0,0);">So with all of the above in mind, here’s what’s going on in my world. I know it’s been a while!</span></p><h4><span style="color:rgb(0,0,0);"><strong>More Than a Fresh Coat of Paint on mattkollock.com</strong></span></h4><p dir="ltr"><span style="color:rgb(0,0,0);">As you may have noticed, my website, </span><a class="no-pjax" href="http://mattkollock.com/"><span style="color:rgb(17,85,204);"><strong><u>mattkollock.com</u></strong></span></a><span style="color:rgb(0,0,0);">, has undergone a redesign. I am grateful to my sweetie, the aforementioned and amazing Annie Sanchez, for getting the job done so nicely.</span></p><p dir="ltr"><span style="color:rgb(0,0,0);">I needed a new look for the site. I needed it to be simpler and easier to navigate. And I needed to trim a lot of the content that didn’t necessarily vibe with this new era. I like it a lot now!</span></p><p dir="ltr"><span style="color:rgb(0,0,0);">Of course, it’s a work in progress. Keep a tab with my website open in your browser, won’t you? Before long, there will be updates to the imagery, videos and just about everything else over there.</span></p><h4><span style="color:rgb(0,0,0);"><strong>The Usher of Alternative Rock</strong></span></h4><p dir="ltr"><span style="color:rgb(0,0,0);">I’m getting my ass back in shape, too. Mostly through roller skating. No, not skateboarding. Not rollerblading. Roller skating. On a pair of “quad” skates not too different from the ones I strapped to my feet every Friday night as a preteen at the (now defunct) Lonor Roller Rink in rural central Wisconsin.</span></p><p dir="ltr"><span style="color:rgb(0,0,0);">Annie got me back into it, actually. We went to a kid’s birthday party at </span><a class="no-pjax" href="https://rollerkingnm.com/"><span style="color:rgb(17,85,204);"><u>Skate-O-Mania (aka Roller King)</u></span></a><span style="color:rgb(0,0,0);"> here in Albuquerque back in October. I had a lot of fun grooving around the rink and getting my legs to remember the moves. Annie struggled as a person who had never really skated before, but she moved around the rink gamely. Something about that day caused her to catch the skating bug.</span></p><p dir="ltr"><span style="color:rgb(0,0,0);">She started talking about taking lessons. Then she started taking lessons. Got herself her own skates. Started following – and showing me – all the cool Instagram accounts of today’s raddest skaters and the culture they were upholding and helping to create.</span></p><p dir="ltr"><span style="color:rgb(0,0,0);">And I didn’t want to be left out!</span></p><p dir="ltr"><span style="color:rgb(0,0,0);">So I got my own skates. We converted the garage into a mini rink. Stuck a Bluetooth speaker out there.</span></p><p dir="ltr"><span style="color:rgb(0,0,0);">It’s been great! I’m learning lots of new moves. I’m getting myself back into good shape, physically. I’m connecting with music in a different and inspiring way. It’s the best!</span></p><p dir="ltr"><span style="color:rgb(0,0,0);">Naturally, I hope to incorporate skating into my music career more and more as I continue to gain confidence and improve.</span></p><p dir="ltr"><span style="color:rgb(0,0,0);">Did you see </span><a class="no-pjax" href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Gv4wkePRiZ0"><span style="color:rgb(17,85,204);"><u>Usher at the Super Bowl</u></span></a><span style="color:rgb(0,0,0);">? That was so cool! Basically, that’s how I wanna be, but in the realm of alternative rock. It’s all happening!</span></p><p dir="ltr"><span style="color:rgb(0,0,0);">What’s your relationship with skating? Are you aware that there’s been a bit of a boom in the sport since the pandemic? Fun stuff!</span></p><h4><span style="color:rgb(0,0,0);"><strong>EMDR You Ready for This?</strong></span></h4><p dir="ltr"><span style="color:rgb(0,0,0);">It’s no secret that </span><a class="no-pjax" href="https://mattkollock.com/home/blog/7110460/therapy"><span style="color:rgb(17,85,204);"><u>I’m a big therapy guy</u></span></a><span style="color:rgb(0,0,0);">.</span></p><p dir="ltr"><span style="color:rgb(0,0,0);">In the wake of my family estrangement, therapy became especially important to me and my progress as a developing human being.</span></p><p dir="ltr"><span style="color:rgb(0,0,0);">Recently, I took a pause from traditional talk therapy in order to try </span><a class="no-pjax" href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Eye_movement_desensitization_and_reprocessing"><span style="color:rgb(17,85,204);"><u>EMDR</u></span></a><span style="color:rgb(0,0,0);">. In case you’re not familiar, it stands for Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing. I first became aware of it probably four or five years ago. Then during the pandemic I read </span><a class="no-pjax" href="https://www.besselvanderkolk.com/resources/the-body-keeps-the-score"><span style="color:rgb(17,85,204);"><i><u>The Body Keeps the Score</u></i></span></a><span style="color:rgb(0,0,0);"> by Bessel van der Kolk, which contains a section with a pretty glowing description of the therapy and how it can help people finally process emotions and events that have kept them stuck.</span></p><p dir="ltr"><span style="color:rgb(0,0,0);">It’s really helped a lot, I have to say. At first, I was skeptical. Then I started noticing some changes. I was becoming less reactive, less prone to triggers. But I chalked it up to some sort of placebo effect.</span></p><p dir="ltr"><span style="color:rgb(0,0,0);">Now I’m a true believer. It really works.</span></p><p dir="ltr"><span style="color:rgb(0,0,0);">My mind is so much less troubled than it was when I began the therapy last fall. This has contributed to an even deeper understanding of the trauma I experienced in childhood and its impact on my adult life. It feels like I’m finally able to process events that have kept me stuck in my scared boyhood brain for decades. Damn.</span></p><p dir="ltr"><span style="color:rgb(0,0,0);">I’ll probably go back to talk therapy again soon. I think it works for me, and it’s helpful to have a professional in my corner to listen to me, guide me and help me process my various challenging brain secretions. It’s good maintenance.</span></p><p dir="ltr"><span style="color:rgb(0,0,0);">But EMDR is something special. It represents a breakthrough. It probably doesn’t work for everyone. But it really has worked for me. And I really needed it.</span></p><p dir="ltr"><span style="color:rgb(0,0,0);">What’s your therapy story? Do you have experience with EMDR?</span></p><h4><span style="color:rgb(0,0,0);"><strong>The Produce Section</strong></span></h4><p dir="ltr"><span style="color:rgb(0,0,0);">One of the things that’s kept me busy over the last several months is my production work. Yes, I’ve been putting the finishing touches on new music from me, </span><a class="no-pjax" href="https://open.spotify.com/artist/2YUTGmVMdgoIhDygufjKVt?si=qept191sTp6pEzOMmoE-TQ"><span style="color:rgb(17,85,204);"><u>Matt Kollock</u></span></a><span style="color:rgb(0,0,0);">. But I’ve also branched out to start producing music for other artists. The fruits of this labor will be available for your inspection soon. Stay tuned!</span></p><p dir="ltr"><span style="color:rgb(0,0,0);">Are you looking for someone to produce your music? I might be your person. Let me know what you’re looking for.</span></p><p dir="ltr"><span style="color:rgb(0,0,0);">I’m also producing podcasts! </span><a class="no-pjax" href="https://open.spotify.com/show/0ZoS7Foge5soGVUFeJG9dC?si=03a186ca16ed45f3"><span style="color:rgb(17,85,204);"><i><u>The Matt Kollock Show</u></i></span></a><span style="color:rgb(0,0,0);"> is coming back soon for a new season of episodes. And I’ve been lending my services to others who are creating their own shows. The fruits of this labor will also be available for your inspection soon. I’ll let you know.</span></p><p dir="ltr"><span style="color:rgb(0,0,0);">Could I be your podcast-producer person? Let’s talk!</span></p><h3><span style="color:rgb(0,0,0);"><strong>Until Next Time</strong></span></h3><p dir="ltr"><span style="color:rgb(0,0,0);">Sheesh! A branch just fell on our house. Dented the soffit on its way down. This wind! It fell right above my studio space. But everyone here is okay.</span></p><p dir="ltr"><span style="color:rgb(0,0,0);">Big winds, big changes, big business and big bucks! This ain’t no fooling around.</span></p><p dir="ltr"><span style="color:rgb(0,0,0);">I’ll be writing a lot more in the coming months. Posting more. Podcasting more. Broadcasting the beacon and (hopefully, honestly) alienating anyone who would prefer me to just shut up.</span></p><p dir="ltr"><span style="color:rgb(0,0,0);">I encourage you to </span><a class="no-pjax" href="https://www.instagram.com/mattkollock/"><span style="color:rgb(17,85,204);"><u>follow me on Instagram</u></span></a><span style="color:rgb(0,0,0);"> for the most frequent updates. And be sure to follow me on the streaming service of your choice so you don’t miss any new music.</span></p><p dir="ltr"><span style="color:rgb(0,0,0);">Also, check out my entry for the 2024 NPR Music Tiny Desk Contest </span><a class="no-pjax" href="https://youtu.be/p79wX9vQcrk?si=gIPEQ6hK-fkndrP5"><span style="color:rgb(17,85,204);"><u>here</u></span></a><span style="color:rgb(0,0,0);">, won’t you?</span></p><p><iframe width="560" height="315" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/p79wX9vQcrk?si=gIPEQ6hK-fkndrP5" title="YouTube video player" frameborder="0" allow="accelerometer; autoplay; clipboard-write; encrypted-media; gyroscope; picture-in-picture; web-share" referrerpolicy="strict-origin-when-cross-origin" allowfullscreen=""></iframe></p><p dir="ltr"><span style="color:rgb(0,0,0);">All right. This has been fun. I feel like we’re all caught up now. Feels great!</span></p><p dir="ltr"><span style="color:rgb(0,0,0);">So what’s been going on with you?</span></p>Matt Kollocktag:mattkollock.com,2005:Post/71829922023-04-04T06:00:00-06:002023-04-11T18:05:38-06:00TMKS #25 – My Songwriting Evolution<p><img src="//d10j3mvrs1suex.cloudfront.net/s:bzglfiles/u/331717/82869ea964f0135abab6ada961333f4c9eebc67a/original/the-matt-kollock-show-episode-twenty-five-2.jpg/!!/meta:eyJzcmNCdWNrZXQiOiJiemdsZmlsZXMifQ==" class="size_xl justify_center border_" /></p><p><a class="no-pjax" href="https://mailchi.mp/cdb568f5cfe6/email-sign-up" data-link-type="url"><strong>SUBSCRIBE TO MY WEEKLY NEWSLETTER FOR CRUCIAL NEWS AND SHENANIGANS</strong></a><a data-link-type="url"><strong> </strong></a></p><p><iframe style="border-style:none;min-width:min(100%, 430px);" title="TMKS #25 – My Songwriting Evolution" allowtransparency="true" height="150" width="100%" scrolling="no" data-name="pb-iframe-player" src="https://www.podbean.com/player-v2/?i=2nqid-13d225e-pb&from=pb6admin&share=1&download=1&rtl=0&fonts=Arial&skin=1b1b1b&font-color=auto&logo_link=episode_page&btn-skin=654771"></iframe></p><p>It's episode 25 of <a class="no-pjax" href="https://mattkollock.com/this-is-me-here-i-am/blog/blog_categories/40122" data-link-type="url"><i>The Matt Kollock Show</i></a>! </p><p>A milestone episode, for sure. It took three years to get here. So, like, eight eps a year. Not bad! Not great, but also not bad! </p><p>I launched the show back in April of 2020. Took a break and brought it back in January of 2021. Took all of 2022 off! It was unclear whether the show would return or not. But here we are. Feels like a groove. I'm going to keep it going. </p><h3>Five Years of Singer-Songwriting </h3><p>Today I brought my guitar to the show for a very special edition of the podcast. I realized it's been about five years since I started taking my music career seriously again. Five years since I started writing songs with such a serious career in mind. I wanted to use this episode of the podcast to explore the evolution of my songwriting since 2018, and I think I did a pretty good job. </p><p>A lot has changed. Much has remained the same. I've grown. My songs are better. But my old songs are really good, too! I am confident. I have goals. There are challenges I want to face. Ideas and concepts to explore. </p><p>I spend today's introduction catching you up on all the stuff, including news regarding cannabis consumption, psychedelics, <a class="no-pjax" href="https://mattkollock.com/news/blog/7113136/skiing" data-link-type="url">skiing</a>, exercise, <a class="no-pjax" href="https://mattkollock.com/news/blog/7137141/the-artist-s-way" data-link-type="url"><i>The Artist's Way</i></a> and more. </p><p>And then I get into the songwriting talk. I think I got somewhere. I think I discovered some things. And revealed them. </p><p>Listen now by clicking play in the player up there. 👆Or listen – and subscribe – wherever you get your podcasts. The show is on <a class="no-pjax" href="https://open.spotify.com/show/0ZoS7Foge5soGVUFeJG9dC?si=4d0c521c6b824511" data-link-type="url">Spotify</a>, <a class="no-pjax" href="https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-matt-kollock-show/id1507895975" data-link-type="url">Apple Podcasts</a> and many other popular platforms. </p><h3>Relevant Linkages </h3><ul>
<li>
<a class="no-pjax" href="https://youtu.be/Dm2UTzK7aTs" data-link-type="url">A performance of “The Painter” from 2022 (I discussed this song in the podcast, but failed to provide musical illumination of it)</a> </li>
<li>Blog post – "<a class="no-pjax" href="https://mattkollock.com/news/blog/25-ways-to-become-a-better-songwriter" data-link-type="url">25 Ways to Become a Better Songwriter</a>" </li>
<li>
<i>The Matt Kollock Show</i> episode 10 – "<a class="no-pjax" href="https://mattkollock.com/home/blog/6329873/tmks-10-how-to-be-a-be-a-better-songwriter" data-link-type="url">How To Be a Better Songwriter</a>" </li>
<li>
<i>The Matt Kollock Show</i> episode 24 – “<a class="no-pjax" href="https://mattkollock.com/news/blog/7175316/tmks-24-did-i-just-blow-my-big-break-feat-annie-sanchez" data-link-type="url">Did I Just Blow My Big Break? (feat. Annie Sanchez)</a>” </li>
<li>Recent blog post – “<a class="no-pjax" href="https://mattkollock.com/news/blog/7178525/9-pics-that-prove-mantequilla-is-the-cutest-kitty" data-link-type="url">9 Pics That Prove Mantequilla Is the Cutest Kitty</a>” </li>
<li>
<a class="no-pjax" href="https://www.anniesanchez.co" data-link-type="url">Annie's website</a> </li>
<li><a class="no-pjax" href="https://mailchi.mp/cdb568f5cfe6/email-sign-up" data-link-type="url">Subscribe to my weekly email newsletter </a></li>
<li>
<a class="no-pjax" href="https://mattkollock.bandcamp.com" data-link-type="url">Buy my music on Bandcamp</a><a data-link-type="url"> </a>
</li>
<li>
<a class="no-pjax" href="https://open.spotify.com/artist/2YUTGmVMdgoIhDygufjKVt?si=unaQz8kUTb-sThrqqDOOiA" data-link-type="url">Stream my music on Spotify</a><a data-link-type="url"> </a>
</li>
<li>
<a class="no-pjax" href="https://www.youtube.com/@mattkollock" data-link-type="url">Subscribe to my channel on YouTube and watch my videos</a><a data-link-type="url"> </a>
</li>
<li>
<a class="no-pjax" href="https://www.instagram.com/mattkollock/" data-link-type="url">Follow me on Instagram</a> </li>
<li>
<a class="no-pjax" href="https://mas.to/@MattKollock" data-link-type="url">Follow me on Mastodon</a> </li>
</ul><p>Thanks for listening! I'll be back with episode 26 in two weeks. Until then, shine on! </p><p><link href="//cdn-images.mailchimp.com/embedcode/classic-071822.css" rel="stylesheet" type="text/css"><style type="text/css">
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<li>
<a class="no-pjax" href="https://www.youtube.com/@HelloSeven" data-link-type="url">The Hello 7 Podcast on YouTube</a><a data-link-type="url"> </a>
</li>
<li>
<a class="no-pjax" href="https://open.spotify.com/show/2OvjOJBINEpdHaq0tV4Zh3?si=f75a8d567773430f" data-link-type="url">The Courage Culture & Clarity Podcast by Annie Sanchez on Spotify</a><a data-link-type="url"> </a>
</li>
<li>
<a class="no-pjax" href="https://mailchi.mp/cdb568f5cfe6/email-sign-up" data-link-type="url">Sign up for the Matt Kollock email newsletter to receive weekly updates</a><a data-link-type="url"> </a>
</li>
<li>
<a class="no-pjax" href="https://www.anniesanchez.co" data-link-type="url">Annie's website</a><a data-link-type="url"> </a>
</li>
<li>
<a class="no-pjax" href="https://mattkollock.com/home/blog/7171433/contests" data-link-type="url">My recent blog post, “Contests”</a><a data-link-type="url"> </a>
</li>
<li>
<a class="no-pjax" href="https://radiofreefedi.net" data-link-type="url">radio free fedi</a><a data-link-type="url"> (the internet radio station I keep checking) </a>
</li>
<li>
<a class="no-pjax" href="https://mattkollock.bandcamp.com" data-link-type="url">Matt Kollock on Bandcamp</a><a data-link-type="url"> (listen to and-or buy my music!) </a>
</li>
<li>
<a class="no-pjax" href="https://open.spotify.com/artist/2YUTGmVMdgoIhDygufjKVt?si=ZaFN3qUmTHWILKmLVuqYFg" data-link-type="url">Follow me and listen to my music on Spotify</a><a data-link-type="url"> </a>
</li>
<li>
<a class="no-pjax" href="https://www.youtube.com/@mattkollock" data-link-type="url">Subscribe to me on YouTube and watch my videos</a><a data-link-type="url"> </a>
</li>
<li>
<a class="no-pjax" href="https://www.instagram.com/mattkollock/" data-link-type="url">Follow me on Instagram</a><a data-link-type="url"> </a>
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<li>
<a class="no-pjax" href="https://mas.to/@MattKollock" data-link-type="url">Follow me on Mastodon</a><a data-link-type="url"> </a>
</li>
</ul><h3>Every Other Tuesday A New Damn Thing </h3><p>I am going to really do it. Keep the podcast going. Regularly. Once a week seems a little too daunting, to be honest. So I'm going to put <i>The Matt Kollock Show</i> on a bi-weekly schedule. Wait, does that mean twice a week or every other week? Shit, I don't remember. </p><p>The point is that I'm going to release a new episode of the podcast every other week. So there will be a new 'sode on Tuesday, April 4th, 2023. Nice! </p><p>On the Tuesdays the podcast is off, I will publish a blog post. So you can depend on new content from me each and every Tuesday, one way or another. We'll see how long we can keep this shit up! I hope you hang with me. </p><p>Thanks so much for listening to the podcast, friends! It means a lot to have you on this journey with me. Annie appreciates it, too. I'll see you next time. Shine on! </p><link href="//cdn-images.mailchimp.com/embedcode/classic-071822.css" rel="stylesheet" type="text/css"><style type="text/css">
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</div></form></div><script type="text/javascript" src="//s3.amazonaws.com/downloads.mailchimp.com/js/mc-validate.js"></script><script type="text/javascript">(function($) {window.fnames = new Array(); window.ftypes = new Array();fnames[0]='EMAIL';ftypes[0]='email';fnames[1]='FNAME';ftypes[1]='text';fnames[2]='LNAME';ftypes[2]='text';}(jQuery));var $mcj = jQuery.noConflict(true);</script>Matt Kollocktag:mattkollock.com,2005:Post/71581872023-02-21T17:10:56-07:002023-03-14T15:45:08-06:00Production<p><img src="//d10j3mvrs1suex.cloudfront.net/s:bzglfiles/u/331717/b4139dd84fec9989a09eba36b53b0f9cdbef9999/original/production-blog-post-2023-02-21.jpg/!!/meta:eyJzcmNCdWNrZXQiOiJiemdsZmlsZXMifQ==" class="size_xl justify_center border_" /></p><p>Sometimes people ask me, “What does a music producer do?” I've noticed a fairly wide gulf between what people <i>think</i> a record producer does (and is responsible for) and what a producer actually does. So I decided to write about it today. See if I even know what I'm talking about.</p><p>Did you know I consider myself a music producer as well as a songwriter and performer? Different distictions. Different hats. Hats on hats on hats. Christ! All these hats!</p><p>Anyway…</p><h3>The Completion Ensurer</h3><p>In music, the producer is the person ultimately responsible for ensuring the completion of the musical project.</p><p>Maybe this person plays an instrument. Maybe this person plays multiple instruments. Maybe they've never touched a musical instrument in their entire life. They may or may not have audio-engineering skills. It's possible this person really knows their way around a console. It's just as likely this person has no idea what any of those knobs or faders does on the console. Also, “What's a console?” they may ask.</p><p>A producer in music may or may not have good taste in music. But they definitely have <i>some</i> kind of defined taste. Probably. Unless they don't. Doesn't matter. They are there to get the record made. That's it.</p><h3>He Foots The Bill, Most Definitely</h3><p>Taste is the thing Rick Rubin has. That and lots of cash and a world-class studio space and access to teams of some of the world's most talented engineers and audio professionals. And he doesn't work with dud artists; only artists with solid track records and established fan bases. And his productions are associated with budgets the size of which allows for them to be sent to mulitple expensive mixing engineers. “Let's have the three best mixers in the world mix the record independently and then pick the best one. Money is no object.” The privilege to be able to do that! So there are a lot of things going for that guy. </p><p>Plus, Rick Rubin definitely plays up the whole idea that he has no technical skill or musical ability. Come on! He played in bands in his youth. He played guitar on <a class="no-pjax" href="https://open.spotify.com/album/11oR0ZuqB3ucZwb5TGbZxb?si=5s5w0LljRderbHmWCaKluw" data-link-type="url"><i>License to Ill</i></a>. The guy is professional-wrestling stan, so take what he says with a grain of salt. It's show business. At the end of the day, though, "Double R" would probably still be an effective producer, whether he could play an instrument, operate the console or not. He completes projects. That's the only thing that matters with regard to whether someone is a good record producer or not.</p><h3>Producers vs Producers</h3><p>A producer in music may be capable of operating more or less by themselves. Or they may have a team of people with whom they prefer to work: engineers, session musicians, tape ops, gear geeks, vibe merchants and the like.</p><p>Some producers are present throughout the process, never missing a note. Other producers are there only when they need to be. It doesn't matter. As long as the record gets made.</p><p>Some music producers are songwriters, too. And they get credit for it. Others are not songwriters, but they still get credit for it. Some producers create the entire track, leaving only space for the vocal performance. Some producers don't create anything. But they all ensure the making of the record gets done.</p><p>Sometimes a track has multiple producers. Sometimes multiple tracks have a single producer. As long as the thing gets produced, it doesn't matter how many people were required to flex their production skills.</p><p>A producer is not an engineer, but they might have engineering skills. A producer is not a mixer, but they might also mix. Different hats. Different roles.</p><p>A producer in music can be an ally of the artist, an ally of the record company, an ally of the music or totally self interested or any combination of these things.</p><p>Producers in music enjoy more financially lucrative careers than artists. They can work on many multiple projects a year. And they get paid what they get paid as their fee. And then they earn royalties, without having to recoup or repay an advance. Anywhere between one and five points, depending on various factors. It adds up! Especially if a record producer can score a hit or two along the way.</p><p>Because the goal of the producer is to get the record made, they may need to do what they gotta do to get it done. Which could mean hiring people to replay the parts a band could not be bothered to play properly. And not always with the blessing of the band. Most often, it's the drummer who is the band's weak link. And in the studio, time is money. And the producer has shit to do. So let's get a drummer in here who can bang out the tracks. Give the ol' Russian Dragon over there $50 and send them to the mall or something. They probably won't even notice. Get the record made.</p><p>The producer is there to serve the songs, ideally. Which is difficult because everybody has a personal agenda in the studio. Upon playback the singer only listens to the singer. The guitarist only listens to the guitarist. And so on. The producer is there to listen to the whole song. And then to tell the bass player that their part is good and we're moving on. After all, you're just the bass player. You're important, but this thing is not about you. This is a situation a good music producer knows how to handle. With finesse. Or not. Just finish the record.</p><p>Some producers have their own “signature sound.” Others do not. Some are shapeshifters. Some producers will prioritize capturing the authentic sound and feel of the artist. Others prefer to shoehorn the artist's art into a well-established production sound and style. There's no right way. As long as the record gets made.</p><p>Some artists are also skilled and effective record producers. Some are not. Some artists are skilled at producing others, but horrible at producing their own music. Sometimes it's the other way around. A lot of artists want nothing to do with production. A lot of artists want too much to do with production.</p><p>Inexperienced, not-yet-established artists often give the recording engineer/studio owner credit as “producer” on their first recordings. This is typically too generous. The artists in these cases don't realize what they have done is produced themselves! The engineer was just there to capture the performances the artist produced. Important, but it's not production. The engineer is getting paid for their time. Makes no difference to them, really, whether the record gets finished. A lot of projects pass through their studio doors. They do all right by avoiding stepping into the producer's role. Different job. Different hat. Different business.</p><h3>Matt Kollock, Record Producer</h3><p>I am a record producer. I am also a songwriter, artist, engineer, mixer, vibe merchant and repair technician. But music producer is the main thing I do. It's home for me. Making records. It's really the thing I've dreamed of doing the most. Since boyhood. Since I learned what all the different people in the recording studio do.</p><p>I've been producing for myself for a little while now. Out of necessity. DIY is the name of the game over here right now. Not a very significant body of work yet, but I think it's where my greatest skills and talents reside. For me, I bring a lot to the table as a producer. But the most important thing is that I actually get shit done. I get the projects completed.</p><p>I know how to move beyond the initial rush and spark of inspiration and into the sleeves-rolled-up work of making a record, making it sound ALIVE and then finishing the fucker.</p><p>This year, I am excited to be able to bring a lot of productions to life. <a class="no-pjax" href="https://mattkollock.com/album/2396545/do-you-feel-it-too" data-link-type="url"><i><strong>DO YOU FEEL IT TOO?</strong></i></a> is available already. <i><strong>Family Plot</strong></i> is almost ready to be removed from the oven. And there's a lot more on deck, too.</p><p>What I really want in 2023 is to produce for others. I used to be one of those artists perpetually working an their single, EP or album. For decades. You know the type. Then I had a bit of a breakthrough with <a class="no-pjax" href="https://mattkollock.com/album/1941778/microorganism" data-link-type="url"><i><strong>microorganism</strong></i></a>. Now I feel like I actually know what I'm doing, and what I'm doing is what I was put here to do. So now I want to produce for you.</p><p>Interested in having me produce your next single, album, EP or whatever? I would love to talk to you. Figure something out. I want to help you get that thing completed. Get it out there.</p><p><a class="no-pjax" href="https://mattkollock.com/contact" data-link-type="url">Email me</a>. We'll talk. I'm excited!</p><hr><h3>What I'm Listening To</h3><p>I listened to the latest release from <a class="no-pjax" href="https://blackbelteaglescout.bandcamp.com/album/the-land-the-water-the-sky" data-link-type="url">Black Belt Eagle Scout</a> – <a class="no-pjax" href="https://open.spotify.com/album/3TBUsH85t2wRWS6DfMHcga?si=i6FZ2q48RIis9z4Z1vodaQ" data-link-type="url"><i>The Land, The Water, The Sky</i></a> – while writing this blog post. <a class="no-pjax" href="https://open.spotify.com/track/7MXZNpswNNPuQfqsuzzHTA?si=9c2dad812c3b47c6" data-link-type="url">Track 10, “Spaces,”</a> is a highlight for me. Check out the album! It was produced by Takiaya Reed along with Katherine Paul (aka Black Belt Eagle Scout):</p><p><iframe style="border-radius:12px;" src="https://open.spotify.com/embed/album/3TBUsH85t2wRWS6DfMHcga?utm_source=generator" width="100%" height="352" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen="" allow="autoplay; clipboard-write; encrypted-media; fullscreen; picture-in-picture" loading="lazy"></iframe></p><hr><p> </p><link href="//cdn-images.mailchimp.com/embedcode/classic-071822.css" rel="stylesheet" type="text/css"><style type="text/css">
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</div></form></div><script type="text/javascript" src="//s3.amazonaws.com/downloads.mailchimp.com/js/mc-validate.js"></script><script type="text/javascript">(function($) {window.fnames = new Array(); window.ftypes = new Array();fnames[0]='EMAIL';ftypes[0]='email';fnames[1]='FNAME';ftypes[1]='text';fnames[2]='LNAME';ftypes[2]='text';}(jQuery));var $mcj = jQuery.noConflict(true);</script>Matt Kollocktag:mattkollock.com,2005:Post/71516592023-02-09T21:18:12-07:002023-03-05T15:00:33-07:00TMKS #23 – Do You Feel 'DO YOU FEEL IT TOO?'?<p><img src="//d10j3mvrs1suex.cloudfront.net/s:bzglfiles/u/331717/2f57d04fcebcb1f2add312abcf4adc8ad7229e21/original/the-matt-kollock-show-episode-twenty-three.jpg/!!/meta:eyJzcmNCdWNrZXQiOiJiemdsZmlsZXMifQ==" class="size_xl justify_center border_" alt="The Matt Kollock Show Episode 23 Do You Feel DO YOU FEEL IT TOO?" /><a class="no-pjax" href="https://mattkollock.com/this-is-me-here-i-am/blog/blog_categories/40122" data-link-type="url"><i><strong>The Matt Kollock Show</strong></i></a> is back!</p><p><iframe title="TMKS #23 – Do You Feel ’DO YOU FEEL IT TOO?’?" allowtransparency="true" height="150" width="100%" scrolling="no" data-name="pb-iframe-player" src="https://www.podbean.com/player-v2/?i=zv697-1388585-pb&from=pb6admin&share=1&download=1&rtl=0&fonts=Arial&skin=6&font-color=auto&logo_link=episode_page&btn-skin=9"></iframe></p><p>Listen to it right here. Or you can find it easily wherever you get your podcasts. Apple. Spotify. Wherever. It's everywhere! </p><p>It's been nearly two years. Two years that felt like 20 years in so many ways. So much has happened!</p><p>But I'm still Matt Kollock. I'm still making music and then podcasting about that music. It's just what I do. And it looks like 2023 is going to be the kind of year where that happens a lot more than it has recently.</p><p>So here we are.</p><h3>New Matt Kollock Music!</h3><p>I've got a new EP out. It's called <a class="no-pjax" href="https://mattkollock.com/album/2396545/do-you-feel-it-too" data-link-type="url"><i>DO YOU FEEL IT TOO?</i></a> and it's available on all the platforms. You can even purchase it from this website. Sweet! I wrote and recorded it over the course of three inspired weeks in January and into February of this year.</p><p>Today I talked at length about the making of this little record. Into my podcasting microphone. Having hit “record” in my recording software. Documentation!</p><p>Episode 23 of the podcast goes deep into the making of <i>DO YOU FEEL IT TOO?</i> I offer some pretty sweet nuggets about how it all came together. The ideas and art that inspired it. The nature of its coming into being. The blow by blow. Whatever questions you may have about the EP are surely answered in this very special resurrection episode of the p'cast.</p><p>You'll learn:</p><ul>
<li>How Julia Cameron's book <a class="no-pjax" href="https://mattkollock.com/home/blog/7137141/the-artist-s-way" data-link-type="url"><i>The Artist's Way</i></a> has inspired the new music/art I'm making</li>
<li>About why I decided to change the keys of a couple of songs before recording them</li>
<li>How artists like Mac DeMarco, Jeff Tweedy, John Frusciante and Erykah Badu influenced my creative decision making </li>
<li>What budget microphone I used to record vocals, acoustic guitar and percussion – and why (<a class="no-pjax" href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yOoXjYppyMM" data-link-type="url">and how Lou Reed factors into the whole thing</a>)</li>
<li>How the cover art for the EP came to be</li>
<li>What I have been up to since May of 2021, when the next-most-recent episode of the podcast was released</li>
<li>How <a class="no-pjax" href="https://www.mariposastrategies.com/podcast" data-link-type="url">Annie</a> and Mantequilla contributed to the project</li>
<li>What song <a class="no-pjax" href="https://open.spotify.com/artist/2YUTGmVMdgoIhDygufjKVt?si=EKQOIWkBToW-Wn7rc8rrBw" data-link-type="url">Spotify</a> chose to place on followers' <i>Release Radar </i>playlists</li>
<li>Much more!</li>
</ul><p>So there you go. The show is back. It felt good to make. Just like <i>DO YOU FEEL IT TOO?</i></p><h3>Let's Connect, Okay?</h3><p>What do you think? How has your 2023 been going? Making anything? Ever engaged with <i>The Artist's Way</i>? I would love to hear your thoughts, so please feel free to email me. We'll figure shit out. I know it!</p><hr><p> </p><link href="//cdn-images.mailchimp.com/embedcode/classic-071822.css" rel="stylesheet" type="text/css"><style type="text/css">
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</div></form></div><script type="text/javascript" src="//s3.amazonaws.com/downloads.mailchimp.com/js/mc-validate.js"></script><script type="text/javascript">(function($) {window.fnames = new Array(); window.ftypes = new Array();fnames[0]='EMAIL';ftypes[0]='email';fnames[1]='FNAME';ftypes[1]='text';fnames[2]='LNAME';ftypes[2]='text';}(jQuery));var $mcj = jQuery.noConflict(true);</script>Matt Kollocktag:mattkollock.com,2005:Post/71478532023-02-03T00:00:00-07:002023-03-05T15:04:10-07:00DO YOU FEEL IT TOO? Is Out Now!<p><img src="//d10j3mvrs1suex.cloudfront.net/u/331717/5b99d8339aed8d5c4d483ef2294961096f1e953f/original/do-you-feel-it-too-blog-post-image-2.jpg/!!/meta:eyJzcmNCdWNrZXQiOiJiemdsZmlsZXMifQ==/b:W1sic2l6ZSIsImxhcmdlIl1d.jpg" class="size_xl justify_center border_" alt="DO YOU FEEL IT TOO? Is Out Now!" />Gosh, it's been quite a busy year so far.</p><p>Busy with good things, mostly. Looks like this might shape up to be one of the really good years. I hope it's the same for you.</p><p>Anyway, one of the things I've been working on is a new four-song EP. It's called <i><strong>DO YOU FEEL IT TOO? </strong></i>and it's available now wherever you get your music.</p><h4>These streaming services have <i>DO YOU FEEL IT TOO?</i> available for listening right now:</h4><ul>
<li><a class="no-pjax" href="https://open.spotify.com/album/2PH9c1Ex5INqhayAvHGm3h?si=T4AP_oXZTdqQbX1fUcjg2Q" data-link-type="url" contents="Spotify">Spotify</a></li>
<li><a class="no-pjax" href="https://music.apple.com/us/album/do-you-feel-it-too-ep/1669545536" data-link-type="url" contents="Apple Music">Apple Music</a></li>
<li><a class="no-pjax" href="https://music.amazon.com/albums/B0BTQ8QBPY?marketplaceId=ATVPDKIKX0DER&musicTerritory=US&ref=dm_sh_EGaZi92gv8e7o0fFUpu0Pr1Kg" data-link-type="url" contents="Amazon">Amazon</a></li>
<li><a class="no-pjax" href="https://youtube.com/playlist?list=OLAK5uy_mCXuMgvK8rcV9cP5Qcr_pxcMbZyxjB5Vk" data-link-type="url" contents="YouTube">YouTube</a></li>
<li><a class="no-pjax" href="https://deezer.page.link/qACkPcGqeb7wfBqK8" data-link-type="url" contents="Deezer">Deezer</a></li>
<li><a class="no-pjax" href="https://tidal.com/browse/album/274772706" data-link-type="url" contents="Tidal">Tidal</a></li>
<li><a class="no-pjax" href="https://pandora.app.link/Zhn6fgPT7wb" data-link-type="url" contents="Pandora">Pandora</a></li>
</ul><p>It's also available right here <a class="no-pjax" href="https://mattkollock.com/album/2396545/do-you-feel-it-too" data-link-type="url" contents="on this website">on this website</a>. And, of course, on my <a class="no-pjax" href="https://mattkollock.bandcamp.com/follow_me" data-link-type="url" contents="Bandcamp">Bandcamp</a> page. Did you know it's Bandcamp Friday on the date of this blog post's publication? Neat!</p><p><iframe style="border-width:0;height:50px;width:100%;" scrolling="no" src="https://bandcamp.com/band_follow_button_deluxe/3087003744"></iframe></p><h3>It All Came Together So Quickly</h3><p>The ideas started brewing on January 12. They continued percolating through the following few weeks. During that time, there was a window where I had the house to myself. Always a wild time! But this time, I gathered all my gear and put myself in the closet to write, record, mix and master.</p><p>I looked at the calendar, and wouldn't you know it – there's a nicely numbered day: 2-3-23. 2323. Cool. So that motivated me to get it done in time to deliver it on this magic day.</p><p>I could write at length about how I made the record. The inspirations. The challenges and all that. But I'll save that for another time. Perhaps <a class="no-pjax" href="https://mattkollock.com/this-is-me-here-i-am/blog/blog_categories/40122" data-link-type="url" contents="the podcast">the podcast</a>. We'll see.</p><p>For now, I'm pretty jazzed to have made and released another music thing. It feels great. I think I'm growing as an artist.</p><p>Speaking of artistic growth, it's no coincidence that this EP was created in the midst of me and <a class="no-pjax" href="https://www.mariposastrategies.com" data-link-type="url" contents="Annie">Annie</a> doing <a class="no-pjax" href="https://mattkollock.com/home/blog/7137141/the-artist-s-way" data-link-type="url" contents="The Artist's Way"><i>The Artist's Way</i></a>. Cool. Those goddamn Morning Pages are not hurting my hand for nothing!</p><p>I hope you have a chance to check out the record. And I hope you let me know what you think.</p><p>In a while, I'll be back with another big record announcement – <i><strong>Family Plot</strong></i>, the record I made in Maine last year, is just about ready to remove from the oven. That's gonna be pretty cool, too. Different. Anyway...</p><p>I'm going to drink some wine and screw around now. I've earned it. I love music, don't you?</p><p><strong>tl;dr </strong>I made a new little record. It's called <i><strong>DO YOU FEEL IT TOO?</strong></i> and I hope you like it. Thanks!</p><hr><p> </p><link href="//cdn-images.mailchimp.com/embedcode/classic-071822.css" rel="stylesheet" type="text/css"><style type="text/css">
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Thankstaking. Friendsgiving. We need a new word. Can we break the shitty associations?</p><p>Anyway, Annie and I got to be with family. We all sat around the table to eat and drink and eat and drink. And we laughed and we all said a little something about why we were thankful.</p><p>I said I was thankful for inclusion. For how we were all including each other. How my relationship with my family of origin is characterized by exclusion, and yet, there I was, feeling included. Feeling like I belong. Feeling like we all felt we belonged. Mutual, self-sustaining belonging. Huh.</p><h3>My Practitioner Is A Really Good Fit Thank Fucking God</h3><p>I've been seeing the same therapist for close to two years now. I really lean on her; she has to hear all about everything. And she really listens. Offers perspectives I am usually too in my head to conceive myself. Validates me. Encourages me. Urges me to focus on living an authentic life. Calls me out on my bullshit.</p><p>I am lucky to have ended up with my particular practitioner. As you probably know, it's really hard to find <i>any</i> therapist and get into the whole therapy routine. To have found such a wonderful professional at exactly the right time in my life makes me very fortunate.</p><p>My therapist and I have only met once in person. Isn't that something? We live in the same city, but were connected during the heavy quarantine era of the pandemic, which meant virtual sessions. So that's the groove we got into. I think that's pretty common, actually. In fact, I would say there's something about virtual therapy that allows the sessions to go deeper quicker. There's no getting ready, driving to some office park, sitting in a waiting room and doing all the usual shit that keeps one so well armed and armored out in the world. It's just boom -- there we are. I appreciate that. Nevertheless, we are planning to meet again in person soon. Have coffee or something.</p><h3>To Spew Is To Heal</h3><p>So with the holiday yesterday and all the attendant feelings, there is a lot to talk about today. There's always a lot to talk about. But this feels kind of like fresh powder, you know? Lately we've been getting into inner-child stuff. Going back to where it all began. Thinking about that little boy and how he transformed into a depressed teen. Looking at the old photos. Feeling the feelings.</p><p>Lately I've been feeling really all over the place. Up and down. Feeling supremely confident one moment and like a total fucking loser the next. Stuff like that. Rapid cycling. I've been getting lower than I've gotten in a while. But it doesn't last long. I know what to do. But goddamn, I would really rather not go there.</p><p>I think leaving social media, for the most part, has been a step in the right direction. Fucking comparing myself to every other local yokel music person here in Albuquerque. Measuring myself and my status and my talent and my audience size against all these other fuckers and always coming up short. Forgetting about the central idea of all the stuff I'm trying to do -- it should be fun! Reining in my focus and perception has been pretty helpful, I'd say.</p><p>So yeah. Therapy today. Lots to talk about. We usually meet on Wednesdays. Today is "Black Friday," of course. We rescheduled because of the holiday. Good times.</p><p>I've learned that expressing this stuff, talking about it all and sharing it is the most healing thing. Goddamn, life feels so hard sometimes. And the solutions seem so impossible. So it's really cool that simply talking and expressing can do so much heavy lifting. Fucking spew, man. Fucking spew.</p><p>On Monday, I was feeling like a turd. And then yesterday, Thursday, I felt like I could never feel like a turd. Family. Relationships. Friendships. Connection. Authentic connection. Sharing space. Sharing food and drink.</p><p>And now today, therapy. This is good timing. I think I'm going to feel pretty good coming out of this.</p><p>Now I have therapy in six minutes. I should use the bathroom.</p><h3>Do You Therapy?</h3><p>What is your relationship with your therapist like? How long have you been doing it? Are you a creative person who is in therapy, too? I'm curious. All this kind of stuff is fascinating to me.</p><hr><p> </p><link href="//cdn-images.mailchimp.com/embedcode/classic-071822.css" rel="stylesheet" type="text/css"><style type="text/css">
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</div></form></div><script type="text/javascript" src="//s3.amazonaws.com/downloads.mailchimp.com/js/mc-validate.js"></script><script type="text/javascript">(function($) {window.fnames = new Array(); window.ftypes = new Array();fnames[0]='EMAIL';ftypes[0]='email';fnames[1]='FNAME';ftypes[1]='text';fnames[2]='LNAME';ftypes[2]='text';}(jQuery));var $mcj = jQuery.noConflict(true);</script>Matt Kollocktag:mattkollock.com,2005:Post/66298492021-05-21T17:10:34-06:002023-03-05T15:20:43-07:00TMKS #22 – Jump On Top Of microorganism<p><img src="//d10j3mvrs1suex.cloudfront.net/u/331717/31c80589e56bedf81715aa81db1bc1a002ad5c51/original/the-matt-kollock-show-episode-twenty-two.jpg/!!/b:W1sic2l6ZSIsImxhcmdlIl1d.jpg" class="size_xl justify_center border_" alt="TMKS #22 – Jump On Top Of microorganism" /><iframe style="border-style:none;min-width:min(100%, 430px);" allowtransparency="true" data-name="pb-iframe-player" height="150" scrolling="no" src="https://www.podbean.com/player-v2/?i=8a7wr-1042a21-pb&from=pb6admin&download=1&share=1&download=1&rtl=0&fonts=Arial&skin=6&btn-skin=9" title="TMKS #22 – Jump On Top Of microorganism" width="100%"></iframe></p><p><i><strong>microorganism</strong></i> is one week old! Oh my god!</p><p>Welcome to episode 22 of <a class="no-pjax" href="https://mattkollock.com/this-is-me-here-i-am/blog/blog_categories/40122" data-link-type="url" contents="The Matt Kollock Show"><i><strong>The Matt Kollock Show</strong></i></a>!</p><p>In this final installment of the album's oral history, I get into what it took to finish the album in the final months of its creation. Big stuff! All of a sudden, the one-year anniversary of quarantine was approaching – and passing. Would I get the fucker done?</p><p>Yeah, of course I did! And now the album has been out for a whole week. What? What's going on with time?</p><p>This episode of the podcast also dives really, really deep into the final two tracks on <a class="no-pjax" href="https://mattkollock.com/album/1941778/microorganism" data-link-type="url" contents="microorganism"><i><strong>microorganism</strong></i></a>: "Jump On Top Of The World (With Me)" and "Everybody Ascends." Nice! The wonderful and lovely <a class="no-pjax" href="https://www.mariposastrategies.com" data-link-type="url" contents="Annie Sanchez">Annie Sanchez</a> returns in this one to talk about writing and performing "Everybody Ascends." Lots of insights!</p><p>I'm assuming you've listened to the previous two episodes of the podcast. Have you? If not, check out these guys:</p><p><a class="no-pjax" href="https://mattkollock.com/news/blog/tmks-20-everybody-needs-to-ascend-feat-annie-sanchez" data-link-type="url" contents="TMKS # 20 – Everybody Needs To Ascend (feat. Annie Sanchez)">TMKS # 20 – Everybody Needs To Ascend (feat. Annie Sanchez)</a></p><p><a class="no-pjax" href="https://mattkollock.com/news/blog/tmks-21-everybody-gives-bees-along" data-link-type="url" contents="TMKS #21 – Everybody Gives Bees Along">TMKS #21 – Everybody Gives Bees Along</a></p><p>Also, have a look at <a class="no-pjax" href="https://mattkollock.com/news/blog/my-solo-debut-album-microorganism-is-here" data-link-type="url" contents="this blog post">this blog post</a>, which lists all the places from which the album can be streamed and-or purchased. Groovy!</p><p>One of the plot points in today's installment of the story revolves around my friend <a class="no-pjax" href="https://unusmundusart.com" data-link-type="url" contents="Jasmine">Jasmine</a>'s <i><strong>Archives for Aliens</strong></i> podcast. Listen to episode 14 (the one I'm a guest on) wherever you get your podcasts. <a class="no-pjax" href="https://open.spotify.com/episode/0PPLuoNADF5iqH01CLjlEB?si=ed31d5a9ebfb49d2" data-link-type="url" contents="Here's the Spotify link">Here's the Spotify link</a>. Check it out!</p><h3><strong>So, So Many, Many Thanks, Thanks</strong></h3><p>Wow! We have reached the conclusion of <a class="no-pjax" href="https://mattkollock.com/this-is-me-here-i-am/blog/blog_categories/46765" data-link-type="url" contents="microorganism"><i><strong>microorganism</strong></i></a><strong> </strong><a class="no-pjax" href="https://mattkollock.com/news/blog/it-s-microorganism-release-week" data-link-type="url" contents="Release Week"><strong>Release Week</strong></a>. I'm really happy to be here. I'm glad you're with me. I am ready to take a break now. This has been a lot. But it's also been a top-ten highlight of my life. Making the album. Putting it out. Telling you all about it. Having you tell me all about it. This is the shit.</p><p>Oh yeah, I mentioned my distributor, <strong>Distrokid</strong>, in this episode. If you have some music you want to release, I encourage you to use their service! It's reasonably priced and highly reliable. It just works! <a class="no-pjax" href="https://distrokid.com/vip/seven/1421339" data-link-type="url" contents="Here's a link you can use to get 7% off"><strong>Here's a link you can use to get 7% off</strong></a>!</p><p>I am really grateful, friends. For those of you who have been with me. For those who are no longer with me. For those who have yet to be with me. I love you all. Thank you.</p><p>If you'd like to continue your support as we move forward, please continue to listen to the album. Purchase a copy if you can and if you haven't already. We're trying to sell 700 of these and we have more than 600 sales to go to get there! Tell your friends! All that!</p><p>You can buy the album here on this website (it's right on the home page!). Or you can choose your price (as long as it's $7.00 or more) on <a class="no-pjax" href="https://mattkollock.bandcamp.com" data-link-type="url" contents="Bandcamp"><strong>Bandcamp</strong></a>. It's all good. I appreciate your support and your kind attention!</p><p><iframe style="border-width:0;height:50px;width:100%;" scrolling="no" src="https://bandcamp.com/band_follow_button_deluxe/3087003744"></iframe></p><p>I've got plans for upcoming recordings! I can't do it without some resources, though. <a class="no-pjax" href="https://www.patreon.com/mattkollock" data-link-type="url" contents="This is where Patreon comes in">This is where Patreon comes in</a>. Please consider supporting me there, won't you?</p><p><a class="no-pjax" href="https://www.patreon.com/bePatron?u=8136979" data-patreon-widget-type="become-patron-button">Become a Patron!</a><script async="" src="https://c6.patreon.com/becomePatronButton.bundle.js"></script></p><p>All right. That's all I've got. Thank you for listening to the show!</p><p>Stay tuned for more adventures on the podcast. Some really, really good shit is about to happen. Watch this space!</p><hr><p> </p><link href="//cdn-images.mailchimp.com/embedcode/classic-071822.css" rel="stylesheet" type="text/css"><style type="text/css">
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</div></form></div><script type="text/javascript" src="//s3.amazonaws.com/downloads.mailchimp.com/js/mc-validate.js"></script><script type="text/javascript">(function($) {window.fnames = new Array(); window.ftypes = new Array();fnames[0]='EMAIL';ftypes[0]='email';fnames[1]='FNAME';ftypes[1]='text';fnames[2]='LNAME';ftypes[2]='text';}(jQuery));var $mcj = jQuery.noConflict(true);</script>Matt Kollocktag:mattkollock.com,2005:Post/66298482021-05-18T18:24:50-06:002023-03-05T15:44:15-07:00TMKS #21 – Everybody Gives Bees Along<p><img src="//d10j3mvrs1suex.cloudfront.net/u/331717/c0aa4244b2547a0c03cb486f8718ea9c2a23cf0d/original/the-matt-kollock-show-episode-twenty-one-fixed.jpg/!!/b:W1sic2l6ZSIsImxhcmdlIl1d.jpg" class="size_xl justify_center border_" alt="TMKS #21 – Everybody Gives Bees Along" /><iframe style="border-style:none;min-width:min(100%, 430px);" allowtransparency="true" data-name="pb-iframe-player" height="150" scrolling="no" src="https://www.podbean.com/player-v2/?i=aycb4-103de17-pb&from=pb6admin&download=1&share=1&download=1&rtl=0&fonts=Arial&skin=7&btn-skin=2" title="TMKS #21 – Everybody Gives Bees Along" width="100%"></iframe>You made it back!</p><p>Welcome to <strong>Episode 21 of</strong> <a class="no-pjax" href="https://mattkollock.com/this-is-me-here-i-am/blog/blog_categories/40122" data-link-type="url" contents="The Matt Kollock Show"><i><strong>The Matt Kollock Show</strong></i></a>!</p><p>It's the second installment of <a class="no-pjax" href="https://mattkollock.com/this-is-me-here-i-am/blog/blog_categories/46765" data-link-type="url" contents="microorganism"><i><strong>microorganism</strong></i></a>'s oral history. And historically the middle ones of these things are the best, right? We'll see about that.</p><p>This episode of the show takes a tour through the main meat of the album. Tracks two through five are discussed here. I also get into the story of the album's making from August, 2020 to the end of that wild and wooly year. Damn.</p><h3><strong>Hashtag Gratitude</strong></h3><p>Thank you so much, sweet friend, for following along on this absurdly detailed journey through the making of <a class="no-pjax" href="https://mattkollock.com/album/1941778/microorganism" data-link-type="url" contents="microorganism"><i><strong>microorganism</strong></i></a>. Like I say in this episode, I love that this not-even-half-hour-long album is receiving so many hours of documentation. Nice. I'm really glad you're here.</p><p>If you haven't already streamed the album, I have a nice list of all the places where it's available <a class="no-pjax" href="https://mattkollock.com/home/blog/my-solo-debut-album-microorganism-is-here" data-link-type="url" contents="right here">right here</a>!</p><p>Of course, <a class="no-pjax" href="https://mattkollock.bandcamp.com" data-link-type="url" contents="microorganism&nbsp;is also available for purchase on Bandcamp"><i><strong>microorganism</strong></i> is also available for purchase on Bandcamp</a>. Groovy! No matter where you go to purchase the album, it should be just seven bucks. I feel like that's a pretty good value, don't you?</p><p><script async="" src="https://c6.patreon.com/becomePatronButton.bundle.js"></script></p><p><iframe style="border-width:0;height:50px;width:100%;" scrolling="no" src="https://bandcamp.com/band_follow_button_deluxe/3087003744"></iframe></p><p>Oh yeah, <a class="no-pjax" href="https://www.patreon.com/mattkollock" data-link-type="url" contents="there's also Patreon">there's also Patreon</a>! Not a lot is going on over there right now; I have to be honest. But <a class="no-pjax" href="https://www.mariposastrategies.com" data-link-type="url" contents="Annie">Annie</a> and I have some big plans, and they involve Patreon in a big, big way. Huge. Join now and get in on the ground floor!</p><p><a class="no-pjax" href="https://www.patreon.com/bePatron?u=8136979" data-patreon-widget-type="become-patron-button">Become a Patron!</a><script async="" src="https://c6.patreon.com/becomePatronButton.bundle.js"></script></p><p>All right. This is just the middle part. It's a good one. But it's not the final part of this particular journey. Stay tuned for that, friend. Soon. Really soon. I love you.</p><hr><p> </p><link href="//cdn-images.mailchimp.com/embedcode/classic-071822.css" rel="stylesheet" type="text/css"><style type="text/css">
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</div></form></div><script type="text/javascript" src="//s3.amazonaws.com/downloads.mailchimp.com/js/mc-validate.js"></script><script type="text/javascript">(function($) {window.fnames = new Array(); window.ftypes = new Array();fnames[0]='EMAIL';ftypes[0]='email';fnames[1]='FNAME';ftypes[1]='text';fnames[2]='LNAME';ftypes[2]='text';}(jQuery));var $mcj = jQuery.noConflict(true);</script>Matt Kollocktag:mattkollock.com,2005:Post/66297942021-05-13T23:59:30-06:002023-03-05T15:22:34-07:00My Solo Debut Album – microorganism – Is Here!<p><img src="//d10j3mvrs1suex.cloudfront.net/u/331717/0d85258c9dd7ca35524b41e142bbc0028c48c007/original/my-solo-debut-album-is-here-fixed.png/!!/b:W1sic2l6ZSIsImxhcmdlIl1d.png" class="size_xl justify_center border_" alt="microorganism is here" />May the 14th be with you!</p><p>It's the day. Today. Today is the day. Today the album is released. It's out there. Available. Ready to experience. Fuckin' A.</p><p>I conceived this album exactly 14 months ago. It was a different time. A less hirsute time. Now that we are through the epic gestation, I am feeling as relieved and content as I have ever felt. <a class="no-pjax" href="https://mattkollock.com/album/1941778/microorganism" data-link-type="url" contents="microorganism"><i><strong>microorganism</strong></i></a>, my solo debut album, is in the world!</p><h3><strong>Here's How You Can Hear</strong></h3><p>There are lots of ways you can get the album and listen to it. Some of them involve buying it. Others involve no cost at all. If you need help finding it where you are, <a class="no-pjax" href="https://mattkollock.com/contact" data-link-type="url" contents="reach out">reach out</a> and I will try to assist.</p><p>Here is a list of the places where the album will be available. I think it's pretty exhaustive, but I'll update as needed. I'll be updating the links, too, so watch this space!</p><ul>
<li><a class="no-pjax" href="https://mattkollock.com/album/1941778/microorganism" data-link-type="url" contents="Purchase&nbsp;microorganism&nbsp;on this website">Purchase <i><strong>microorganism</strong></i> on this website</a></li>
<li><a class="no-pjax" href="https://mattkollock.bandcamp.com/releases" data-link-type="url" contents="Purchase&nbsp;microorganism&nbsp;on Bandcamp">Purchase <i><strong>microorganism</strong></i> on Bandcamp</a></li>
<li><a class="no-pjax" href="https://open.spotify.com/album/0zgZg1GJv7uYvEV4WkCQ0k?si=bo6r_eFrQmq7tELUO403-w" data-link-type="url" contents="Listen to&nbsp;microorganism&nbsp;on Spotify">Listen to <i><strong>microorganism</strong></i> on Spotify</a></li>
<li>
<a class="no-pjax" href="https://music.apple.com/us/artist/matt-kollock/1507638076" data-link-type="url" contents="Listen to&nbsp;microorganism&nbsp;on Apple Music">Listen to <i><strong>microorganism</strong></i> on Apple Music</a> (and iTunes)</li>
<li>
<a class="no-pjax" href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y8Op_T7u7A0&list=OLAK5uy_kq_uJb5miMIbCzXj-q3D7o6ICEkluL5vA" data-link-type="url" contents="Listen to&nbsp;microorganism&nbsp;on YouTube">Listen to <i><strong>microorganism</strong></i> on YouTube</a> (and YouTube Music)</li>
<li>Listen to <i><strong>microorganism</strong></i> on...<ul>
<li>Amazon</li>
<li>Amghami</li>
<li>MediaNet</li>
<li>Boomplay</li>
<li><a class="no-pjax" href="https://www.deezer.com/us/album/229535362" data-link-type="url" contents="Deezer">Deezer</a></li>
<li>Instagram/Facebook</li>
<li>iHeartRadio</li>
<li>ClaroMusica</li>
<li>KKBox</li>
<li>NetEase</li>
<li>Pandora</li>
<li>Saavn</li>
<li>Snapchat</li>
<li>TenCent</li>
<li>Tidal</li>
<li>Tik Tok/Resso</li>
<li>Triller</li>
<li>Soundtrack by Twitch</li>
<li>Yandex Music</li>
</ul>
</li>
</ul><p>So many platforms!</p><p>As you listen on your preferred platform, <a class="no-pjax" href="https://mattkollock.com/lyrics" data-link-type="url" contents="why not follow along with the lyrics">why not follow along with the lyrics</a>? That would be fun, I think.</p><h3>
<strong>Go Beyond </strong><i><strong>microorganism</strong></i>
</h3><p>As you're listening, be sure to check out <a class="no-pjax" href="https://www.patreon.com/mattkollock" data-link-type="url" contents="my Patreon">my Patreon</a>, where lots of cool, exclusive content lives. I'll be posting some behind-the-scenes stuff from the making of <i><strong>microorganism</strong></i> in the coming days, weeks and months. This album was documented pretty damn well, I have to say.</p><p><a class="no-pjax" href="https://www.patreon.com/bePatron?u=8136979" data-patreon-widget-type="become-patron-button">Become a Patron!</a><script async="" src="https://c6.patreon.com/becomePatronButton.bundle.js"></script></p><p>Also, make sure you check out and support <a class="no-pjax" href="https://www.mariposastrategies.com" data-link-type="url" contents="Annie Sanchez">Annie Sanchez</a>, my partner in life and a major contributor to the album. <i><strong>microorganism</strong></i> does not exist without her!</p><p>Have you heard my podcast, <a class="no-pjax" href="https://mattkollock.com/this-is-me-here-i-am/blog/blog_categories/40122" data-link-type="url" contents="The Matt Kollock Show"><i><strong>The Matt Kollock Show</strong></i></a>? Episodes 20, 21 and 22 are all about the making of the album. I go deep into the individual songs. I also relate (with some assistance from Annie) the oral history of <i><strong>microorganism</strong></i>'s making. Sweet! Episodes 21 and 22 will arrive later on album-release day, so stay tuned to hear the full story.</p><p>You can also follow me on the aforementioned <a class="no-pjax" href="https://mattkollock.bandcamp.com" data-link-type="url" contents="Bandcamp">Bandcamp</a>. It's a great place to follow my career and support my shenanigans by purchasing music, merch (coming soon!) and more.</p><p><iframe style="border-width:0;height:50px;width:100%;" scrolling="no" src="https://bandcamp.com/band_follow_button_deluxe/3087003744"></iframe></p><p>Thank you, thank you, thank you!</p><p>This has been a fine and wonderful journey, friends. I'm so glad we've been doing it together. Enjoy <i><strong>microorganism</strong></i>!</p><hr><p> </p><link href="//cdn-images.mailchimp.com/embedcode/classic-071822.css" rel="stylesheet" type="text/css"><style type="text/css">
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</div></form></div><script type="text/javascript" src="//s3.amazonaws.com/downloads.mailchimp.com/js/mc-validate.js"></script><script type="text/javascript">(function($) {window.fnames = new Array(); window.ftypes = new Array();fnames[0]='EMAIL';ftypes[0]='email';fnames[1]='FNAME';ftypes[1]='text';fnames[2]='LNAME';ftypes[2]='text';}(jQuery));var $mcj = jQuery.noConflict(true);</script>Matt Kollocktag:mattkollock.com,2005:Post/66290792021-05-12T22:22:44-06:002023-03-05T15:23:12-07:00TMKS# 20 – Everybody Needs To Ascend (feat. Annie Sanchez)<p><img src="//d10j3mvrs1suex.cloudfront.net/u/331717/fea9fe27fc54444276f651588eb899be996a9dbc/original/the-matt-kollock-show-episode-twenty.png/!!/b:W1sic2l6ZSIsImxhcmdlIl1d.png" class="size_xl justify_center border_" alt="TMKS #20 – Everybody Needs to Ascend (feat. Annie Sanchez)" /></p><p><iframe style="border-style:none;min-width:min(100%, 430px);" allowtransparency="true" data-name="pb-iframe-player" height="150" scrolling="no" src="https://www.podbean.com/player-v2/?i=wxra9-1035d73-pb&from=pb6admin&download=1&share=1&download=1&rtl=0&fonts=Arial&skin=10&btn-skin=7" title="TMKS #20 – Everybody Needs To Ascend (feat. Annie Sanchez)" width="100%"></iframe></p><p>It's episode 20 of <a class="no-pjax" href="https://mattkollock.com/this-is-me-here-i-am/blog/blog_categories/40122" data-link-type="url" contents="The Matt Kollock Show"><i><strong>The Matt Kollock Show</strong></i></a> podcast! Holy shit! We did it!</p><p>It's also <i><strong>microorganism</strong></i> Release Week here on mattkollock.com. Nice!</p><p>So on today's big-time, super-sized, extra-large, power-packed podcast, we discuss the album and its creation. Lots of fun stories and wild memories. Damn.</p><p>I also present my sweetie, <a class="no-pjax" href="https://www.mariposastrategies.com" data-link-type="url" contents="Annie Sanchez">Annie Sanchez</a>, who contributed to the album in a major way. This is the first interview on <i><strong>The Matt Kollock Show</strong> </i>since way back in <a class="no-pjax" href="https://mattkollock.com/news/blog/the-matt-kollock-show-4-matt-has-a-conversation-with-kira-holt" data-link-type="url" contents="episode four">episode four</a>. Groovy!</p><h3>The Oral History of <i>microorganism</i>
</h3><p>This episode and the next two will present the oral history of <i><strong>microorganism</strong></i>'s making. Today is all about Annie, of course, but I also get into the first phase of making the album in a solo chat. I cover that exciting, unforgettable time period extending from the middle of March, 2020 to the end of July, 2020. Lots of stuff happened. Not necessarily with the album, but the album could not have been made without that stuff happening. I talk about it all.</p><p>In the following segment, Annie and I have a great conversation about her, us and what it was like to live in this house during the past 14 months. It has not always been easy.</p><p>And yet, here we are!</p><h3><strong>The Trilogy Continues</strong></h3><p>This trio of episodes continues, then concludes with episodes 21 and 22, which will arrive just as soon as I can put them out. In the next installment, I will cover the time period from the beginning of August 2020 to the end of the year. Spoiler alert: We got a kitty!!! The final installment, episode 22, will cover the final, magical push to get the album completed and into your ears.</p><p>These are very special episodes of the podcast. I'm so glad you're here to take them in.</p><h3><strong>Get That Album, Won't You?</strong></h3><p>Friends, I am so happy to be able to share this podcast with you. Thank you for being with me for 20 damn episodes. I am even more happy to be able to share <i><strong>microorganism</strong></i> with you. Soon!</p><p>In the meantime, you can <a class="no-pjax" href="https://mattkollock.bandcamp.com" data-link-type="url" contents="buy the album on&nbsp;Bandcamp for just $7">buy the album on Bandcamp for just $7</a>. Nice! Or, you can <a class="no-pjax" href="https://open.spotify.com/album/0zgZg1GJv7uYvEV4WkCQ0k?si=ZsM7jOiKTVah71TAVzxF8g" data-link-type="url" contents="listen to the album&nbsp;on Spotify">listen to the album on Spotify</a> or your streaming service of choice. It's out there! <a class="no-pjax" href="https://deezer.page.link/P5ZaqqhGdfXZAupJ7" data-link-type="url" contents="I'm on Deezer now! Deezer!"><strong>I'm on Deezer now! Deezer!</strong></a></p><p><iframe style="border-width:0;height:50px;width:100%;" scrolling="no" src="https://bandcamp.com/band_follow_button_deluxe/3087003744"></iframe></p><p>Remember, <i><strong>microorganism</strong></i> Release Week continues with two more sweet, sweet podcast episodes. Don't go anywhere!</p><p><a class="no-pjax" href="https://www.patreon.com/bePatron?u=8136979" data-patreon-widget-type="become-patron-button">Become a Patron!</a></p><hr><p><script async="" src="https://c6.patreon.com/becomePatronButton.bundle.js"></script></p><link href="//cdn-images.mailchimp.com/embedcode/classic-071822.css" rel="stylesheet" type="text/css"><style type="text/css">
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<strong>Since Last Time</strong> </h3><p>Lots of shit happening. Lots of shit happening. </p><p>I talk about the depression I've been experiencing since I last talked at you. Which, of course, ties directly into the theme of today's very special episode. </p><p>There is talk of vaccine. Talk of therapy. Talk of family. Talk of new technology and its promises. Talk of <i>microorganism</i>, my debut solo album.</p><p>I take a moment to remember the great DMX, who left his body today. </p><h3><strong>Get Spirited </strong></h3><p>In the main meat of today's episode, I get into spirituality. But, naturally, I do it in a very Matt Kollock way. Nice! Gruff and irritated. You see, this is why I do the spiritual shit. </p><p>I reference a blog post I wrote back in February of 2020. It's called "<a class="no-pjax" href="https://mattkollock.com/blogs/this-is-me-here-i-am/posts/i-do-this-spiritual-shit-for-a-reason" data-link-type="url" contents="I Do This Spiritual Shit for a Reason">I Do This Spiritual Shit for a Reason</a>," and it remains pretty relevant today. Interesting! </p><p>Do you practice any kind of spirituality? Have you been through any kind of "awakening" experience? Do you consider yourself a rational person? I get into all kinds of stuff like this. It's good. </p><h3><strong>A Very Special and Important Announcement </strong></h3><p>Guys, if you have never listened to an episode of <i>The Matt Kollock Show</i> until the very end, today is a great day to start! </p><p>I have a mind-blowing announcement to make on today's episode, but it doesn't happen until the final few minutes of the show. Listen all the way through or skip ahead – I don't care! But I don't want you to miss this very, very, very special and critical announcement from my world. </p><h3><strong>Bye Bye Now </strong></h3><p>It's great to be back! I am so glad you're here, my friend. It means a lot that you listen. Truly. </p><p><a class="no-pjax" href="https://www.patreon.com/bePatron?u=8136979" data-patreon-widget-type="become-patron-button">Become a Patron!</a><script async="" src="https://c6.patreon.com/becomePatronButton.bundle.js"></script></p><p>If you would like to give a little more support, please check out <a class="no-pjax" href="https://www.patreon.com/mattkollock" data-link-type="url" contents="my Patreon">my Patreon</a>! Bonus episodes of the podcast live over there alongside lots of groovy, exclusive content. Fun! Join for just $5/month to get the bonus episodes. Cool! </p><p>I'll be back with another episode soon. In the meantime, SHINE ON!!! </p><hr><p> </p><link href="//cdn-images.mailchimp.com/embedcode/classic-071822.css" rel="stylesheet" type="text/css"><style type="text/css">
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<strong>Until Next Time</strong> </h3><p>Look at us! We made it to episode 18. Fun! I feel like I'm on a roll with this thing. </p><p>I hope you return for future episodes. I really appreciate your listenership! </p><p>Please stay tuned for <i><strong>microorganism</strong></i>, which is about to land any moment now! </p><p><a class="no-pjax" href="https://www.patreon.com/mattkollock" data-link-type="url" contents="Check out the Patreon">Check out the Patreon</a>. Do all the stuff. I appreciate it! You're the best. </p><p><a class="no-pjax" href="https://www.patreon.com/bePatron?u=8136979" data-patreon-widget-type="become-patron-button">Become a Patron!</a> <script async="" src="https://c6.patreon.com/becomePatronButton.bundle.js"></script></p><p>Have a good one, friend. I love you. </p><hr><p> </p><link href="//cdn-images.mailchimp.com/embedcode/classic-071822.css" rel="stylesheet" type="text/css"><style type="text/css">
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</div></form></div><script type="text/javascript" src="//s3.amazonaws.com/downloads.mailchimp.com/js/mc-validate.js"></script><script type="text/javascript">(function($) {window.fnames = new Array(); window.ftypes = new Array();fnames[0]='EMAIL';ftypes[0]='email';fnames[1]='FNAME';ftypes[1]='text';fnames[2]='LNAME';ftypes[2]='text';}(jQuery));var $mcj = jQuery.noConflict(true);</script>Matt Kollocktag:mattkollock.com,2005:Post/65451132021-02-10T10:00:00-07:002023-03-05T15:25:30-07:00TMKS #17 – Leaning Into Losing Touch<p><img src="//d10j3mvrs1suex.cloudfront.net/u/331717/93b72dc8d13c0d8ce8f4cbf9d2faa961c68a2efc/original/the-matt-kollock-show-episode-seventeen.jpg/!!/undefined/b:W1sic2l6ZSIsImxhcmdlIl1d.jpg" class="size_xl justify_center border_" alt="The Matt Kollock Show Episode 17: Leaning Into Losing Touch" /><iframe style="border-style:none;" data-name="pb-iframe-player" height="122" scrolling="no" src="https://www.podbean.com/media/player/d6xfw-fa5b40?from=pb6admin&download=1&version=1&auto=0&share=1&download=1&rtl=0&fonts=Helvetica&skin=2&pfauth=&btn-skin=109" title="TMKS #17 – Leaning Into Losing Touch" width="100%"></iframe>Here we are again. Reintroducing <a class="no-pjax" href="https://mattkollock.com/this-is-me-here-i-am/blog/blog_categories/40122" data-link-type="url" contents="The Matt Kollock Show"><i><strong>The Matt Kollock Show</strong></i></a>. Reframing and recontextualizing. And this is exactly the way I want it!</p><h3><strong>Kind of a Course Correction</strong></h3><p>I said a lot of stuff in the <a class="no-pjax" href="https://mattkollock.com/blogs/this-is-me-here-i-am/posts/tmks-16-the-return-of-the-matt-kollock-show" data-link-type="url" contents="previous episode of the podcast">previous episode of the podcast</a>. I stand behind it all! However, I realized I was building a house I didn't want to live in. What?</p><p>I said I wanted the podcast to be about certain things last week, and I <i>do</i> want the show to include the topics, ideas and themes I talked about in that episode. I just really don't want to devote the show to anything ever, at all. I only want it to be about what I am inspired to talk about in the moment. Otherwise, it's going to be tough getting episodes done.</p><p>Guests will be on the show soon, and a feedback show is in the works. I'm going to do those things. But I'm not going to be a fundamentalist about making the podcast about one thing or another. And I felt myself kind of going there a little bit last week.</p><p>Basically, I was spending a lot of time and wasting a lot of energy giving too much of a shit about what certain people think. I wanted to prove certain things to certain people about certain things, which is why I said the things I said last week in the way I said them.</p><p>It's been suggested recently that I'm, "losing touch with reality." Instead of proving that I'm not, I'm going to lean into it. It's a different perspective. It's more fun. It's what's working.</p><p>To be clear, all that shit I said last week is still happening. It's all just going to happen on my terms now. I want to have fun with this show and be inspired to create more episodes more regularly. I'm only going to make that happen if I make it fun for myself.</p><p>So I guess that's what I mean. You'll hear all about it in this episode's cover story!</p><h3><strong>Fucking Bullet Points</strong></h3><p>Here's most of the stuff I remember talking about on today's episode of the podcast:</p><ul>
<li>COVID and the vaccine</li>
<li>New guitar pedals and gear<ul><li>Check out <a class="no-pjax" href="https://byronamplification.com/" data-link-type="url" contents="my friend Byron's amazing amps and pedals">my friend Byron's amazing amps and pedals</a>, won't you?</li></ul>
</li>
<li>Oral surgery</li>
<li>Aches, pains and anxieties</li>
<li>Returning to meditation</li>
<li>A break from cannabis combustion<ul><li>A deep exploration of edibles and tinctures</li></ul>
</li>
<li>I was on <a class="no-pjax" href="https://unusmundusart.com/" data-link-type="url" contents="a friend's">a friend's</a> podcast recently!<ul>
<li>It's called <a class="no-pjax" href="https://open.spotify.com/show/6dqfTDvCpXsfkL0eFdWcZ8?si=yvvwPTxUTNqGANYa7rrEUA" data-link-type="url" contents="Archives for Aliens"><i><strong>Archives for Aliens</strong></i></a>
</li>
<li>My episode will be out soon, but you should subscribe now wherever you get your podcasts</li>
</ul>
</li>
<li>Therapy!</li>
<li>Mixing my album, <i><strong>microorganism</strong></i>
</li>
<li>All the stuff I wrote about above</li>
</ul><h3>
<strong>Thank You for Helping to Grow </strong><i><strong>The Matt Kollock Show</strong></i>
</h3><p>Friends, the show is growing! And it's all because of you. I appreciate your listenership and your downloads. Thank you so much!</p><p>If you want to show additional support, I encourage you to <a class="no-pjax" href="https://www.patreon.com/mattkollock" data-link-type="url" contents="subscribe to my Patreon">subscribe to my Patreon</a>. It's cheap and easy! As I mention on today's 'sode, new content is going up over there soon. Really soon. Watch for episode 17.5 in a day or two, okay?</p><p><a class="no-pjax" href="https://www.patreon.com/bePatron?u=8136979" data-patreon-widget-type="become-patron-button">Become a Patron!</a><script async="" src="https://c6.patreon.com/becomePatronButton.bundle.js"></script></p><p>What else?</p><p>I guess that's about it for now. Oh yeah, I've been doing some guitar videos over on <a class="no-pjax" href="https://www.instagram.com/mattkollock/" data-link-type="url" contents="Instagram">Instagram</a> that people are digging. Check me out over there if you're into that sort of thing. I have fun doing it.</p><p>All right. Thank you. I love you. Shine on!</p><hr><p> </p><link href="//cdn-images.mailchimp.com/embedcode/classic-071822.css" rel="stylesheet" type="text/css"><style type="text/css">
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</div></form></div><script type="text/javascript" src="//s3.amazonaws.com/downloads.mailchimp.com/js/mc-validate.js"></script><script type="text/javascript">(function($) {window.fnames = new Array(); window.ftypes = new Array();fnames[0]='EMAIL';ftypes[0]='email';fnames[1]='FNAME';ftypes[1]='text';fnames[2]='LNAME';ftypes[2]='text';}(jQuery));var $mcj = jQuery.noConflict(true);</script>Matt Kollocktag:mattkollock.com,2005:Post/65252722021-01-19T17:52:16-07:002023-03-05T15:26:30-07:00TMKS #16 – The Return of The Matt Kollock Show!<p><img src="//d10j3mvrs1suex.cloudfront.net/u/331717/abb20217608acdc353c53075f785a4eb0a04e1b4/original/the-matt-kollock-show-episode-sixteen.jpg/!!/undefined/b:W1sic2l6ZSIsImxhcmdlIl1d.jpg" class="size_xl justify_center border_" /></p><p><iframe style="border-style:none;" data-name="pb-iframe-player" height="122" scrolling="no" src="https://www.podbean.com/media/player/y26dr-f81249?from=pb6admin&download=1&version=1&auto=0&share=1&download=1&rtl=0&fonts=Helvetica&skin=4&pfauth=&btn-skin=113" title="TMKS #16 – The Return of The Matt Kollock Show!" width="100%"></iframe></p><p>I'm back!</p><p>Guys! It's been, like, six months since I've posted a new episode of <i><strong>The Matt Kollock Show</strong></i>, and I'm happy to say that I've found my podcasting groove again. Or is it that I'm just avoiding the mixing and mastering of <i><strong>microorganism</strong></i>, my upcoming album? Probably a little bit of both.</p><h3><strong>All The Main Stuff And The New Stuff</strong></h3><p>Speaking of <i><strong>microorganism</strong></i>, I spend some time in this episode talking about the progress I've made on the album and when you can expect to listen to it. I also talk about a lot of other stuff. New stuff that's happened in my life and in the world.</p><p>But I set the scene with the Main Stuff, which, in my mind, is COVID, shitty (but also sometimes somewhat hopeful) U.S. politics/culture stuff and the fact that <strong>BLACK LIVES MATTER</strong>. This episode is being released a day before the inauguration of Joe Biden to the United States Presidency and a day after Martin Luther King Day. I have some things to say about all that.</p><p>Uh, what else?</p><p>Yeah, there's a lot of new and fun stuff to mention. I catch you up and I shake off the rust, which might sound better than you think! Why? I have a new microphone and a slightly different podcasting setup. You may notice an upgrade in sound quality since episode 15. Nice! I talk about all that kind of stuff in today's episode.</p><h3><strong>What's It All About Going Forward?</strong></h3><p>Friends, have you read <a class="no-pjax" href="https://mattkollock.com/home/blog/dear-little-matt" data-link-type="url" contents='my recent blog post, entitled "Dear Little Matt"?'>my recent blog post, entitled "Dear Little Matt"?</a></p><p>You really should. It's a landmark. It's probably the best thing I've ever written. I've already heard from a lot of you about it. I'm grateful for the feedback, which has been mostly extremely positive. There have been some negative reactions, too. I want to hear all of them.</p><p>The next episode of <a class="no-pjax" href="https://mattkollock.com/this-is-me-here-i-am/blog/blog_categories/40122" data-link-type="url" contents="The Matt Kollock Show"><i><strong>The Matt Kollock Show</strong></i></a><i> </i>is going to be a feedback-focused episode, in which I discuss the comments I have received with regard to "Dear Little Matt." I want to share what people have taken the time to reach out and say. I'd also like to talk more about the personal journey I have been on since publishing the blog post.</p><p>Moving beyond the next episode, the podcast will feature, mercifully, the voices of others.</p><p>I am going to interview people not only about the subject of childhood trauma, but about music, psychedelics and groovy shit. I talk about that in today's episode, too.</p><p>Wanna reach out? Email me at matt@mattkollock.com.</p><h3><strong>It's Happening Now</strong></h3><p>Right now, in fact. Big things are happening. People are coming together. Timelines are being jumped. Rad guitar solos are being played.</p><p>Also, I am going through a process of healing. And I am here to write, talk and play music about it. <strong>FOR THE WHOLE WORLD</strong>.</p><p>So that's what's going to be happening in this space going forward. I hope you will join me. If you cannot join me, I wish you the best. I love you. This ride never stops, so reach out when you're ready to take it somewhere different. Stuff like that.</p><h3><strong>Support!</strong></h3><p>I could use some!</p><p>You can help me by following me wherever you get your music. That way you'll be notified when new music is released.</p><p>You can also <a class="no-pjax" href="https://www.patreon.com/mattkollock" data-link-type="url" contents="subscribe to me on Patreon">subscribe to me on Patreon</a>! It's a real trip over there, but it's a small one. Won't you help me turn my little Patreon trip into an epic journey? Sweet!</p><p><a class="no-pjax" href="https://www.patreon.com/bePatron?u=8136979" data-patreon-widget-type="become-patron-button">Become a Patron!</a><script async="" src="https://c6.patreon.com/becomePatronButton.bundle.js"></script></p><p>Yeah, I guess that's it for now. Thank you for reading. Thank you for listening to the podcast. I love you. See you next time!</p><hr><p> </p><link href="//cdn-images.mailchimp.com/embedcode/classic-071822.css" rel="stylesheet" type="text/css"><style type="text/css">
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</div></form></div><script type="text/javascript" src="//s3.amazonaws.com/downloads.mailchimp.com/js/mc-validate.js"></script><script type="text/javascript">(function($) {window.fnames = new Array(); window.ftypes = new Array();fnames[0]='EMAIL';ftypes[0]='email';fnames[1]='FNAME';ftypes[1]='text';fnames[2]='LNAME';ftypes[2]='text';}(jQuery));var $mcj = jQuery.noConflict(true);</script>Matt Kollocktag:mattkollock.com,2005:Post/65105922020-12-30T21:23:50-07:002023-03-05T15:27:08-07:00Dear Little Matt<p><img src="//d10j3mvrs1suex.cloudfront.net/u/331717/89414776ccce7bb40f0268cda559439f489ec680/original/dear-little-matt.jpg/!!/undefined/b:W1sic2l6ZSIsImxhcmdlIl1d.jpg" class="size_xl justify_center border_" /></p><h3>Dear Little Matt,</h3><p>Hi from the future! It's me, the former you. I love that you can read and comprehend at a very high level already. That's really, really cool. Special. I know you can't tie your own shoes yet, and that's the thing everybody wants to talk to you about and scold you for. But it doesn't matter; you'll learn how to tie your own shoes soon enough. The important thing is that you have the ability to read this.</p><p>I'm writing this to let you know that no matter what, you are amazing. You are worthy of love. All your crazy ideas, thought patterns and tendencies remain. In fact, they are critical to your wellbeing and survival. You carry some important, magical gifts inside you. Your job is to protect them, even when your possession of them puts you in danger.</p><p>You are just a little boy, so I hate that I have to tell you what I'm about to tell you. You shouldn't have to be concerned with this kind of thing at your age. I'm so, so sorry.</p><p>I'll begin with the positive stuff.</p><h4>Little man, let me tell you the good news:</h4><p>You made it at least to the end of the year 2020, which is probably the craziest year you will ever experience. Not gonna spoil it for you; just wait. At 44, you are basically living your dream life – you don't have a boss or any dumb authority figures telling you what to do. Your days are filled with music, art and the love of your ideal partner. You and your sweetie, <a class="no-pjax" href="https://www.mariposastrategies.com/" data-link-type="url" contents="Annie">Annie</a>, have a little kitty named Mantequilla (it's Spanish for "butter") that you love unconditionally. You went on a ten-mile hike today along the banks of the Rio Grande river. What?</p><p>That's right – you're living somewhere else now. The traditional homelands of the Pueblo of Sandia. Albuquerque, New Mexico. You like to move your body and hang out among the trees and forest creatures. You experience these hikes in an almost religious manner. You feel connected to the planet. This place has healed you and given you new life.</p><p>When you got back home today, Mantequilla greeted you like she was afraid she would never see you again. You feel it in your heart. Earlier, you spent time sharing, connecting and dreaming big with Annie.</p><p>I know you already have an affinity for esoteric, psychedelic, occult, spiritual, magical stuff. That's going to be a big thing in your life. Hold on to that. These days, you are a pretty experienced and adventurous psychedelic explorer. You haven't seen a ton of the physical world yet, but you've been to lots and lots of interesting places. You have an instinct about your existence in a past life. I can tell you there's definitely something to that instinct.</p><p>You're about to find an old guitar in the basement. That guitar is going to be hanging on the wall next to you as you write this. Matthew, you have <strong>THE MUSIC</strong> in you. It's going to be scary and difficult to understand, but it's going to be the thing that takes you to all the places and connects you with all the people. It doesn't make sense how connected to the music you are. I know you are already thinking in musical terms and organizing your perception of the world into musical rhythms to keep track of them. This process has helped you develop an unbelievably accurate and often burdensome memory.</p><p>Anyway, <strong>THE MUSIC</strong> lives inside you. It will always show you where to go and who to be with. You can trust it. You feel it in your body. It feels like something from another place and time; an artifact. But there it is. It's going to be frustrating for a while because you're not going to know how to let it out. People are going to tell you to settle down and be quiet a lot. It's okay. These days, you and <strong>THE MUSIC</strong> are completely intertwined. You are the same being.</p><p>Eventually, you will learn how to tune that old nylon string guitar. When you are about 13, you're going to get an electric guitar and amplifier from your dad and you're going to start taking lessons. At this point, there is really no turning back. You are basically married to the guitar. It is your instrument. It feels like home.</p><p>So it's really important for you to know that life gets good. Like, really, really good! You made it! You became the person who is writing this to you today! I am so, so proud of you, little buddy. Yes, you were given tremendous gifts. But the road ahead is a grueling one.</p><h4>Sweet small Matthew, here is the bad news:</h4><p>Goddammit, I am so, so sorry. I am crying my eyes out right now thinking of you and everything you are going to endure over the next 35+ years to get to this place. It should not have happened the way it did. Jesus, I am so sorry, little guy. You're just a sweet little weird boy that people in rural, agricultural central Wisconsin are unable to understand. I'm sorry they don't know what to do with you or how to handle you. I'm sorry it seems like none of the adults in your life ever listen to you.</p><p>I'm not sure if it's happened yet, but while you are still little, older family members and other big kids will hold you down and violate your body until you pee all over yourself. It's going to happen several times. No one is going to come to your rescue. No one is going to hold those people accountable for torturing and abusing you. In fact, you are going to be the one who gets in trouble, while the people who thought it was cool to tickle you to the point of incontinence and the loss of consciousness go about their lives. Until they do it again. And again. You won't consider it abuse, yourself, until much later in life. You see, it's going to affect you for the rest of your days. I am still dealing with it today; it's why I'm writing to you. And it is definitely abuse. Tickle torture. The word torture is the key word. You are about to be tortured by people who say they love you. And you are just a little boy.</p><p>You're going to develop a bedwetting habit. You're going to pee your pants in school several times. It's going to fuck with you in painful and embarrassing ways. You are going to feel so much shame and I'm devastated knowing that people are about to do that to you. You are just a little boy!</p><p>You will have extraordinary difficulties with regard to physical intimacy in adulthood. People are going to be scared off by you and your extreme sensitivity. You are going to develop this dumb thing where you start laughing inappropriately and uncontrollably at the worst possible moments (yes like in the <i>Joker</i> movie, which I really can't recommend, but I know you're going to watch it in a few decades). That's going to fuck up a lot of relationships, too.</p><p>As it turns out, being pinned down and violated to the point of incontinence is the type of thing that will stick with you and manifest in a lot of unfortunate ways in your future. I am so, so sorry. This shouldn't happen to you. But I promise you will be okay after a while, okay? I promise.</p><p>Fuck! I imagine someone fucking with Mantequilla and I am filled with rage. I believe I would hurt that person badly. So, why won't anyone get in trouble for assaulting you? You are just a little boy. You are just a little boy. I'm so sorry. It doesn't make any sense. It doesn't make any more sense today, little guy.</p><p>You are going to feel guilty and ashamed. Humiliated. Afraid to speak up about things or advocate for yourself in any way. You will be conditioned to shut the fuck up and stop complaining. You will be told that they are good kids and that they didn't mean you any harm and it's just fun and you were laughing the whole time so you have no right to complain. You will internalize all of this and it's going to shape your entire life.</p><p>You will grow up thinking conditional love is unconditional love. I'm so sorry, Matt, but you really won't get to feel actual unconditional love until much later in life. You won't find it until well after you begin believing it's not real.</p><p>People are going to tell you, over and over again, that you are "too sensitive." Your very being is going to cause other people to feel uncomfortable, and they will deal with their discomfort by being terribly mean and abusive to you. I am so sorry. You are just a little boy.</p><p>The people who assault you (and those who will stand by without saying anything or defending you) will go on to live their own lives with their own struggles. They will never make the connection between their abuse of you and the troubles in life you are about to experience. They will project all sorts of things onto you. Your unworthiness will be reinforced repeatedly by people who tell you they love you. They will voice their disappointment in you repeatedly without acknowledging their massive contributions to your trauma.</p><p>You're going to be abused physically by your primary caregivers, too. Spanking. Whipping. Yes, you will literally be whipped with a belt. And you are just a little boy. Jesus. They had it done to them. They don't know any better. It doesn't make it right. I'm so sorry. I can't believe people think it's okay to do that to another person. You are just a little boy. But you don't quite understand how to be and you can't quite control yourself yet. So you live in tremendous fear, anxiety and terror. People violate you repeatedly, physically and emotionally, and it seems like no one cares; like it's normal. It is not normal; it is not right. You did nothing wrong. I'm so, so sorry.</p><p>You are so, so sensitive. In every way. And I'm so, so sorry they don't know how to deal with you. You poor little guy.</p><p>Your adult life is going to be characterized by continuous embarrassment, shame, guilt, financial troubles and general hardship. You are going to become estranged from your family. You will be evicted from your apartment. You will have your car repossessed and your life torn apart. But you will be afraid to ask for help. Whenever you feel like life can't get any worse, it will get worse.</p><p>You're going to believe you deserve your hardships. This belief is often reinforced by people who tell you they love you. No one is going to acknowledge your struggles or their own roles in making your life what it is. No one is going to acknowledge that you were abused and belittled as a boy. God, I'm so sorry. You do not deserve this. You are just a little boy.</p><p>Little Matty, you are <i>not</i> too sensitive. You are perfectly sensitive. It is the best thing about you. People are going to fuck with you about it and goddammit, it's going to hurt, but trust me: you're going to get through it and arrive at a place where you appreciate your sensitivity. And the people around you will appreciate it, too.</p><h4>Here's what you need to do, little man:</h4><p>Believe in <strong>THE MUSIC</strong>. It's your thing. People are going to tell you that it should just be a hobby. You're going to start believing that, too. But pay attention to the people who register your musical specialness without trying to co opt it for themselves. They are around and they will help you.</p><p>What I have learned is that the more I focus my life on <strong>THE MUSIC</strong>, the better it gets (both the music <i>and</i> the life). You will learn that, too. I promise. There are times when it will all feel worth it, even. All the abuse and violations and belittling. The years wasted on meeting the needs of emotional vampires. No, it's actually <i>not</i> worth it. But here I am. And here you will be.</p><p>There's stuff in you that you feel so, so deeply. What you feel is the truth of the universe. Trust it. Others won't understand. You have wisdom and insight that is unique to you. You're going to have a lot of people telling you you're wrong about things. And then later, you're going to realize you were right. That's going to happen a LOT. Don't get caught up in defending yourself; just be. You know what's true, even if you don't quite believe it.</p><p>One day in your late 30s you're going to feel like giving up for good. Instead, you're going to experience a spectacular spiritual awakening. It's going to save your life. It's going to put you back on the path. It's going to melt away the bullshit that prevents you from living your truth. You will begin to reckon with your past and you will realize that you did nothing wrong. There is nothing wrong with you. You deserve love. You deserve to have the abuse acknowledged. You deserve to have your resurrection acknowledged and celebrated.</p><p>Sweet little Matt, I am so sorry about what you're going to go through. People are going to do horrible things to you. They are going to violate you and use your body for their amusement. The same sort of abuse is going to happen again and again. In different ways by different people. But it's all the same.</p><p>Eventually, though, you will find your people. You will find your real family. You will reckon with your struggles and the people who contributed to them. You will heal. And you will find yourself one day in your mid 40s living something like your perfect life. And it's only going to get better from there. I promise. I am sorry. I love you.</p><p>If you remember nothing else, keep this in mind: <strong>THE MUSIC</strong> is your guide and protector. It will never leave you. It is powerful. It belongs to you. It is you. It's where you come from and it's where you'll go when you die. It is the means through which your amazing spirit enters the realm of consciousness. People will hurt you. The music never will. It will only heal you.</p><p>I love you so much, little Matt. You are going to do amazing things. I believe in you. I'm not going to let you down. You're going to make it.</p><hr><p> </p><link href="//cdn-images.mailchimp.com/embedcode/classic-071822.css" rel="stylesheet" type="text/css"><style type="text/css">
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</div></form></div><script type="text/javascript" src="//s3.amazonaws.com/downloads.mailchimp.com/js/mc-validate.js"></script><script type="text/javascript">(function($) {window.fnames = new Array(); window.ftypes = new Array();fnames[0]='EMAIL';ftypes[0]='email';fnames[1]='FNAME';ftypes[1]='text';fnames[2]='LNAME';ftypes[2]='text';}(jQuery));var $mcj = jQuery.noConflict(true);</script>Matt Kollocktag:mattkollock.com,2005:Post/63847742020-07-13T13:38:54-06:002023-03-05T15:28:26-07:00TMKS #14 – I Wanna Be YOUR Guitar Hero<p><img src="//d10j3mvrs1suex.cloudfront.net/u/331717/27c1f50b3187dcc5f38d8f56fb0a4355bbffb207/original/the-matt-kollock-show-episode-fourteen.jpg/!!/undefined/b:W1sic2l6ZSIsImxhcmdlIl1d.jpg" class="size_xl justify_center border_" /><iframe style="border-style:none;" data-name="pb-iframe-player" height="122" scrolling="no" src="https://www.podbean.com/media/player/ew3ne-e316c4?from=yiiadmin&download=1&version=1&skin=4&btn-skin=102&auto=0&share=1&fonts=Helvetica&download=1&rtl=0&pbad=1" title="TMKS #14 – I Wanna Be YOUR Guitar Hero" width="100%"></iframe>Hey. How's it going? Are you doing all right? </p><h3><strong>BIG POWER CHORD!!! </strong></h3><p><a class="no-pjax" href="https://www.patreon.com/bePatron?u=8136979" data-patreon-widget-type="become-patron-button">Become a Patron!</a><script async="" src="https://c6.patreon.com/becomePatronButton.bundle.js"></script></p><p>Episode 14 of <i><strong>The Matt Kollock Show</strong></i> covers my current thoughts about the state of my main instrument. </p><p>I have been a guitar player for more than 30 years now. I have always identified, musically, with the guitar as my primary tool of expression. In recent years, though, I have distanced myself from the culture surrounding the instrument. It is, as you may know, very white, very male, very regressive and very boring. I don't want my music to be about those things. </p><p>Lately as I've been enduring emotional ups and downs, I have come to regard the instrument and its culture a little differently. I recognize that I am a part of the guitar tapestry. I have a voice in the community. My words carry weight. I know what I'm talking about. I can occupy the lane of "GUITARIST" and make an impact. So that's what I've decided to do. </p><p>I want to do it differently, though. I want to be YOUR guitar hero. A new kind of guitar hero. </p><h3><strong>Check Out Today's Other Episodes, Won't You? </strong></h3><p>It's a big day for the podcast! </p><p>Episode 14 is just one of three I have released today. </p><p>Episode 13.5 is a bonus episode just for my Patrons on Patreon who are subscribed at the $5/month level. In that one, I talk about my recent music-gear acquisitions. I have GAS! If you want to listen to that one (and all the other bonus episodes), just visit <a class="no-pjax" href="https://www.patreon.com/mattkollock">my Patreon page</a> and sign up at the $5 tier or above. It'll be so cool! </p><p>Episode 13, in which I discuss where I believe music comes from, is available right here or wherever you get your podcasts. It's a good one, so make sure you check it out. </p><p>Thanks, my friends! I sure do appreciate you and your listenership. I would love to hear from you, too, so send me an email at <a class="no-pjax" href="mailto:matt@mattkollock.com">matt@mattkollock.com </a>and let me know what you think. </p><p>Have a terrific week! </p><hr><p> </p><link href="//cdn-images.mailchimp.com/embedcode/classic-071822.css" rel="stylesheet" type="text/css"><style type="text/css">
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</div></form></div><script type="text/javascript" src="//s3.amazonaws.com/downloads.mailchimp.com/js/mc-validate.js"></script><script type="text/javascript">(function($) {window.fnames = new Array(); window.ftypes = new Array();fnames[0]='EMAIL';ftypes[0]='email';fnames[1]='FNAME';ftypes[1]='text';fnames[2]='LNAME';ftypes[2]='text';}(jQuery));var $mcj = jQuery.noConflict(true);</script>Matt Kollocktag:mattkollock.com,2005:Post/63383692020-06-01T13:36:41-06:002023-03-05T15:30:18-07:00TMKS #11 – Black Lives Matter<p><img src="//d10j3mvrs1suex.cloudfront.net/u/331717/67a3bf4e26719a0e5f856327d73080c339ce244a/original/the-matt-kollock-show-episode-eleven.png/!!/undefined/b:W1sic2l6ZSIsImxhcmdlIl1d.png" class="size_xl justify_center border_" /><iframe style="border-style:none;" data-name="pb-iframe-player" height="122" scrolling="no" src="https://www.podbean.com/media/player/wyt6u-de6e65?from=yiiadmin&download=1&version=1&skin=2&btn-skin=101&auto=0&share=1&fonts=Helvetica&download=1&rtl=0&pbad=1" title="TMKS #11 – Black Lives Matter" width="100%"></iframe>Everything you need to know about this episode is contained within its title. Thank you.</p><hr><p> </p><link href="//cdn-images.mailchimp.com/embedcode/classic-071822.css" rel="stylesheet" type="text/css"><style type="text/css">
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</div></form></div><script type="text/javascript" src="//s3.amazonaws.com/downloads.mailchimp.com/js/mc-validate.js"></script><script type="text/javascript">(function($) {window.fnames = new Array(); window.ftypes = new Array();fnames[0]='EMAIL';ftypes[0]='email';fnames[1]='FNAME';ftypes[1]='text';fnames[2]='LNAME';ftypes[2]='text';}(jQuery));var $mcj = jQuery.noConflict(true);</script>Matt Kollocktag:mattkollock.com,2005:Post/63218262020-05-18T21:14:06-06:002023-03-05T15:32:51-07:00TMKS #9 – Gear Medication<p><img src="//d10j3mvrs1suex.cloudfront.net/u/331717/1cf034a1f476e439c15e578703b1e3480834c0d5/original/the-matt-kollock-show-episode-nine.jpg/!!/undefined/b:W1sic2l6ZSIsImxhcmdlIl1d.jpg" class="size_xl justify_center border_" /><iframe style="border-style:none;" data-name="pb-iframe-player" height="122" scrolling="no" src="https://www.podbean.com/media/player/7cbmq-dceddf?from=yiiadmin&download=1&version=1&skin=2&btn-skin=106&auto=0&share=1&fonts=Helvetica&download=1&rtl=0&pbad=1" title="TMKS #9 – Gear Medication" width="100%"></iframe></p><p>Hi! I did another podcast! </p><h3><strong>What Now? </strong></h3><p>I almost forgot to do this one. But it's Monday. So I'm podcasting. Look at me go!</p><p>Here's what I cover in today's solo episode of <i><strong>The Matt Kollock Show</strong></i>: </p><ul>
<li>The weekend (but not The Weeknd) </li>
<li>Not feeling the music </li>
<li>Feeling a little low and depressed and anxious </li>
<li>RIP Fred Willard </li>
<li>RIP Lynn Shelton </li>
<li>Procrastinating </li>
<li>Fantasizing about music gear </li>
</ul><p>This is a short and sweet one, friends, but it's good! I found the great podcasting spirit and channeled it. For you. So I hope you dig it. </p><p><a class="no-pjax" href="https://www.patreon.com/bePatron?u=8136979" data-patreon-widget-type="become-patron-button">Become a Patron!</a></p><script src="https://c6.patreon.com/becomePatronButton.bundle.js" async=""></script><h3><strong>You're So Supportive </strong></h3><p>Yes. Yes you are. </p><p>You wouldn't be here otherwise. Thank you! </p><p>Wanna be even more supportive? Yeah, it's possible. Just go over to <a class="no-pjax" href="https://www.patreon.com/mattkollock">my Patreon page</a> and subscribe! I'll be putting out a bonus episode soon, which will only be available for subscribers at the $5 level. So yeah. Do that. I appreciate it.</p><p>See you next time!</p><hr><p> </p><link href="//cdn-images.mailchimp.com/embedcode/classic-071822.css" rel="stylesheet" type="text/css"><style type="text/css">
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</div></form></div><script type="text/javascript" src="//s3.amazonaws.com/downloads.mailchimp.com/js/mc-validate.js"></script><script type="text/javascript">(function($) {window.fnames = new Array(); window.ftypes = new Array();fnames[0]='EMAIL';ftypes[0]='email';fnames[1]='FNAME';ftypes[1]='text';fnames[2]='LNAME';ftypes[2]='text';}(jQuery));var $mcj = jQuery.noConflict(true);</script>Matt Kollocktag:mattkollock.com,2005:Post/63046472020-05-04T15:24:12-06:002023-03-05T15:35:36-07:00TMKS #7 – Mindfulness, Meditation, 'Magination and Matt Kollock<p><img src="//d10j3mvrs1suex.cloudfront.net/u/331717/8bc41391705074533122d2761f83ba92b1d00df1/original/the-matt-kollock-show-episode-seven.jpeg/!!/undefined/b:W1sic2l6ZSIsImxhcmdlIl1d.jpeg" class="size_xl justify_center border_" /><iframe style="border-style:none;" data-name="pb-iframe-player" height="122" scrolling="no" src="https://www.podbean.com/media/player/43gnp-db6046?from=yiiadmin&download=1&version=1&skin=10&btn-skin=102&auto=0&share=1&fonts=Helvetica&download=1&rtl=0&pbad=1" title="TMKS #7 – Mindfulness, Meditation, 'Magination and Matt Kollock" width="100%"></iframe>Hey!</p><p>It's another solo episode of <i><strong>The Matt Kollock Show</strong></i>. Remember when I used to do interviews? Me neither! </p><h3><strong>It's All In Your Head </strong></h3><p>So yeah. Today's episode has me rambling a little about all the stuff that happened around here since last time. Then I get into a talk about my journey with mindfulness, meditation and using my imagination to create "reality." It's all very woo-woo, mystical and entirely not rooted in anything resembling facts. So it's a lot of fun! </p><p><a class="no-pjax" href="https://www.patreon.com/bePatron?u=8136979" data-patreon-widget-type="become-patron-button">Become a Patron!</a><script async="" src="https://c6.patreon.com/becomePatronButton.bundle.js"></script></p><p>Here are some of the areas I hammer in today's 'sode: </p><ul>
<li>How no one around here seems to give a shit that a global pandemic is currently happening </li>
<li>
<i>Star Wars</i> Day and how <i>The Rise of Skywalker</i> is a shitty movie </li>
<li>Yellow cake with chocolate frosting </li>
<li>
<i>Batman </i>(1989) </li>
<li><a class="no-pjax" href="https://medium.com/@MHKollock/how-to-stop-failing-at-meditation-8c36bc8808b6">An article I wrote about meditation on Medium</a></li>
<li>Karma </li>
<li>Why we meditate and practice mindfulness </li>
<li>How imagination creates reality </li>
<li><a class="no-pjax" href="https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/soberish/id1467606307">Podcaster Jessa Reed</a></li>
<li><a class="no-pjax" href="https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/synchronicity-with-noah-lampert/id1052839207">Podcaster Noah Lampert</a></li>
<li>Much more! </li>
</ul><p>So yeah. There you have it. It's Episode Seven of <i><strong>The Matt Kollock Show</strong></i>. Dig it! </p><h3><strong>Help? </strong></h3><p>If you want to support me in ways that go beyond listening, <a class="no-pjax" href="https://www.patreon.com/mattkollock">please consider becoming a Patron on Patreon</a>. Episode 6.5 of the podcast lives over there, but you've got to join at the $5 level to hear it. So yeah. </p><p>Oh, here's another thing: Please remember to <a class="no-pjax" href="https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-matt-kollock-show/id1507895975">rate and review this podcast on Apple Podcasts</a> or wherever. That helps a lot. </p><p>Thanks, friends! I'll see you next time. Shine on! </p><hr><p> </p><link href="//cdn-images.mailchimp.com/embedcode/classic-071822.css" rel="stylesheet" type="text/css"><style type="text/css">
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</div></form></div><script type="text/javascript" src="//s3.amazonaws.com/downloads.mailchimp.com/js/mc-validate.js"></script><script type="text/javascript">(function($) {window.fnames = new Array(); window.ftypes = new Array();fnames[0]='EMAIL';ftypes[0]='email';fnames[1]='FNAME';ftypes[1]='text';fnames[2]='LNAME';ftypes[2]='text';}(jQuery));var $mcj = jQuery.noConflict(true);</script>Matt Kollocktag:mattkollock.com,2005:Post/62961102020-04-27T13:35:33-06:002023-03-05T15:37:10-07:00TMKS #6 – Complimenting the Frame and Explaining "They Died Alive"<p><img src="//d10j3mvrs1suex.cloudfront.net/u/331717/642a9be8339149a788b4d80f0ab7593cb841ad00/original/the-matt-kollock-show-episode-six.jpg/!!/undefined/b:W1sic2l6ZSIsImxhcmdlIl1d.jpg" class="size_xl justify_center border_" /><iframe style="border-style:none;" data-name="pb-iframe-player" height="122" scrolling="no" src="https://www.podbean.com/media/player/t6p9k-da9bb1?from=yiiadmin&download=1&version=1&skin=2&btn-skin=106&auto=0&share=1&fonts=Helvetica&download=1&rtl=0&pbad=1" title='TMKS #6 – Complimenting the Frame and Explaining "They Died Alive"' width="100%"></iframe></p><p>It's another episode of <i><strong>The Matt Kollock Show</strong></i> podcast!</p><p>This is a lean, mean episode, clocking in at fewer than 58 minutes, but it is packed with goodies, as always.</p><h3><strong>It's Tiny Desk Week</strong></h3><p>I wasn't sure if I was going to be able to pull it off with everything that's going on these days, but I was able to capture a pretty good performance of my song, "They Died Alive," for my entry into this year's <a class="no-pjax" href="https://tinydeskcontest.npr.org/2020/open/">NPR Music Tiny Desk Contest</a>.</p><p>I recorded my entry this past Saturday, April 25th, and uploaded it yesterday. Today, April 27th, is the due date. So I got mine in well under the wire. But still under the wire.</p><p>In today's episode of the podcast, I talk about the experience of creating my entry and the surprising benefits I experienced from entering last year's contest. No, I didn't win. I don't expect to win this year, either. But I would be surprised if something nice <i>didn't </i>come from this. I wouldn't have met and become friends with Jason and Melissa of <a class="no-pjax" href="http://www.merideanmusic.com/">Meri Dean</a> if I hadn't entered last year. And that's just one example of the kinds of things that can come from involving oneself in something like this.</p><p>By the way, if you haven't heard <a class="no-pjax" href="https://mattkollock.com/news/blog/the-matt-kollock-show-2-matt-has-a-conversation-with-jason-melissa-of-meri-dean">the Meri Dean episode of the podcast</a>, you should check it out!</p><p>Wanna see my entry video? <a class="no-pjax" href="https://youtu.be/RDUNT47qmRQ">Here it is</a>. Let me know what you think, won't you?</p><p><a class="no-pjax" href="https://www.patreon.com/bePatron?u=8136979" data-patreon-widget-type="become-patron-button">Become a Patron!</a><script async="" src="https://c6.patreon.com/becomePatronButton.bundle.js"></script></p><h3><strong>Song Explainer: "They Died Alive"</strong></h3><p>The main feature of today's episode is my explanation of "They Died Alive." If you want to know how I came up with this tune and what the lyrics are all about, you don't want to miss it!</p><h3><strong>'Rona Visions</strong></h3><p>I looked backward and forward through the lens of Coronavirus this past week.</p><p>In today's episode, I discuss how it may be possible Annie and I have already experienced Covid-19. It was a little crazy looking back at my journal from January and reexamining the three-week sickness I had.</p><p>Looking into the future on a psychedelic walk last week, I had a pretty strong vision of what the political/cultural landscape will look like as a result of the corona consequences.</p><p>This is all some very woo-woo, mystical shit, friends, so be careful!</p><h3><strong>Other Things</strong></h3><p>Today's edition of the podcast is a solo episode, but I had a lot to talk about.</p><p>Here are some other topics I blab about here in Episode Six:</p><ul>
<li>People who are guilty of "complimenting the frame"</li>
<li>Episode Four's guest, <a class="no-pjax" href="https://www.instagram.com/kiraaholt/">Kira Holt</a>, and her new EP, <i>Gold Flakes</i>, which is dropping everywhere this week</li>
<li>A psychedelic experience in the midst of sickness</li>
<li>All kinds of updates on all kinds of things!</li>
</ul><h3><strong>Many, Many Thanks!</strong></h3><p>Six episodes! Unbelievable!</p><p>It wasn't that long ago when I was wondering if I would ever get the podcast out into the world. Now I've got a half-dozen eps. Good times!</p><p>Of course, none of this would be possible without you. I mean, yeah, I could put out a podcast, but it would be very unrewarding without listeners and supporters like you. So thank you.</p><p>If you are interested in helping the podcast (and all things Matt Kollock-related) grow, there are a number of things you can to help:</p><ul>
<li>Rate/review the podcast on <a class="no-pjax" href="https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-matt-kollock-show/id1507895975">Apple Podcasts</a> or wherever you get your podcasts</li>
<li><a class="no-pjax" href="https://mattkollock.com/contact" data-link-type="url" contents="Sign up for my&nbsp;email list">Sign up for my email list</a></li>
<li><a class="no-pjax" href="https://open.spotify.com/artist/2YUTGmVMdgoIhDygufjKVt?si=JcPog3RyS9uFLl47dbhC9g">Follow my artist profile on Spotify</a></li>
<li>Consider supporting me (and receiving exclusive stuff from me) by <a class="no-pjax" href="https://www.patreon.com/mattkollock">becoming a Patreon Patron</a> for as little as $1 a month</li>
<li>Subscribe to the official <a class="no-pjax" href="https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCKUe8Y6QpUTI_xDQR-9KXuw">Matt Kollock YouTube Channel</a>
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</ul><p>Easy!</p><p>If you would like to support me, great! If not, I really am just glad you're here. You are the best.</p><p>I'll see you next week with another 'sode. Until then, Shine on!</p><hr><p> </p><link href="//cdn-images.mailchimp.com/embedcode/classic-071822.css" rel="stylesheet" type="text/css"><style type="text/css">
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</div></form></div><script type="text/javascript" src="//s3.amazonaws.com/downloads.mailchimp.com/js/mc-validate.js"></script><script type="text/javascript">(function($) {window.fnames = new Array(); window.ftypes = new Array();fnames[0]='EMAIL';ftypes[0]='email';fnames[1]='FNAME';ftypes[1]='text';fnames[2]='LNAME';ftypes[2]='text';}(jQuery));var $mcj = jQuery.noConflict(true);</script>Matt Kollocktag:mattkollock.com,2005:Post/62884132020-04-20T17:08:52-06:002023-03-05T15:38:08-07:00The Matt Kollock Show #5 – A Very Special 420 Episode and Story Time with Matt<p><img src="//d10j3mvrs1suex.cloudfront.net/u/331717/cddaa84600d7c852c7f93b04c5461c19c6642eeb/original/the-matt-kollock-show-episode-five.jpg/!!/undefined/b:W1sic2l6ZSIsImxhcmdlIl1d.jpg" class="size_xl justify_center border_" /><iframe style="border-style:none;" data-name="pb-iframe-player" height="122" scrolling="no" src="https://www.podbean.com/media/player/my8kb-d9d3a5?from=yiiadmin&download=1&version=1&skin=7&btn-skin=111&auto=0&share=1&fonts=Helvetica&download=1&rtl=0&pbad=1" title="TMKS #5 – A Very Special 420 Episode and Story Time with Matt" width="100%"></iframe>Hey guys.</p><p>It's a heavy time, isn't it?</p><p>For me, this time of year is particularly heavy. Of course, we are in the midst of the high holidays. Yesterday was Bicycle Day. Today is 4/20. The world is charged with psychedelic, mind-shifting energy. I'm thinking of where I am today. And I've thought a lot about how I got here.</p><p>Today's podcast is about that journey.</p><h3><strong>A Brother, A Friend, A Dog, A Spiritual Awakening</strong></h3><p>Today's episode of <i><strong>The Matt Kollock Show </strong></i>is all about me, Matt Kollock.</p><p>In today's episode, I get into my history and relationship with the high holidays in April. I talk about the relationship I had with my late brother, and how his life and death and spiritual awakening give meaning to my life as a spiritual person and psychedelic wonderboy. I also get into the story of my companionship with a friend who was also a podcasting co-host.</p><p>Remember <i><strong>The Blackout Flash Forward Podcast with Gunns & Pitti</strong></i>? Yeah, it's probably good that you don't, actually. But that was me and my friend. A lot has changed since April of 2010 when I had my first go-round at podcasting and now.</p><p>This episode tells the whole story.</p><h3><strong>The Big Fight</strong></h3><p>I got into a confrontation with my neighbors over the weekend. And it's all related to the other shit I talk about in this podcast. God, I hate confrontation! But there I was.</p><p>If you want to hear my story of moving to New Mexico and transforming my life from one of sedentary loafing to one of active exploring and creating (and getting into it with my neighbors, apparently), you're in the right place!</p><p><a class="no-pjax" href="https://www.patreon.com/bePatron?u=8136979" data-patreon-widget-type="become-patron-button">Become a Patron!</a><script async="" src="https://c6.patreon.com/becomePatronButton.bundle.js"></script></p><h3><strong>Thank You, Thank You, Thank You</strong></h3><p>Friends, I am nothing without my audience, so thank you for being here!</p><p>The launch of the podcast has been very successful, and I'm empowered with the knowledge that you guys are digging the show thus far.</p><p>I love that you're listening! But if you want to do a little more to help this podcast reach a wider audience, <a class="no-pjax" href="https://www.patreon.com/mattkollock">please consider becoming a Patreon Patron</a> for as little as $1 a month.</p><p>You can also simply rate and review the podcast on <a class="no-pjax" href="https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-matt-kollock-show/id1507895975">Apple Podcasts</a>, or wherever you listen.</p><p>Thanks, guys! I hope you are having the 4/20 you need to have.</p><hr><p> </p><link href="//cdn-images.mailchimp.com/embedcode/classic-071822.css" rel="stylesheet" type="text/css"><style type="text/css">
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</div></form></div><script type="text/javascript" src="//s3.amazonaws.com/downloads.mailchimp.com/js/mc-validate.js"></script><script type="text/javascript">(function($) {window.fnames = new Array(); window.ftypes = new Array();fnames[0]='EMAIL';ftypes[0]='email';fnames[1]='FNAME';ftypes[1]='text';fnames[2]='LNAME';ftypes[2]='text';}(jQuery));var $mcj = jQuery.noConflict(true);</script>Matt Kollocktag:mattkollock.com,2005:Post/62839192020-04-16T09:20:00-06:002023-03-05T15:38:37-07:00The Matt Kollock Show #4 – Matt Has a Conversation with Kira Holt<p><img src="//d10j3mvrs1suex.cloudfront.net/u/331717/431b5c1a70a884dc211f7e9927f430a46921d32c/original/tmks-4-kira-holt-1.jpg/!!/undefined/b:W1sic2l6ZSIsImxhcmdlIl1d.jpg" class="size_xl justify_center border_" /></p><p><iframe style="border-style:none;" data-name="pb-iframe-player" height="122" scrolling="no" src="https://www.podbean.com/media/player/cendj-d959ea?from=yiiadmin&download=1&version=1&skin=1&btn-skin=111&auto=0&share=1&fonts=Helvetica&download=1&rtl=0&pbad=1" title="TMKS #4 – Matt Has a Conversation with Kira Holt" width="100%"></iframe>Friends, I hope you have enjoyed the launch of <i><strong>The Matt Kollock Show</strong></i> as much as I have.</p><p>It's been exciting assembling the first four episodes and sharing them with you. The show has been a blast to do thus far, and we are only just getting started.</p><h3><strong>Setting a Career in Motion</strong></h3><p>Speaking of just getting started, today's guest on the podcast is Albuquerque singer, songwriter and mashup artist Kira Holt. Kira and I are in different generations, but we are at more or less the same place in terms of where our respective careers are currently located. I just released my first music to the world. So has Kira. It's pretty rad.</p><p>Kira's music will be everywhere soon. She's put a lot of work into her new solo acoustic EP, and I'm pleased to say I've got my hands on a couple of the tracks. I share them with you on today's episode as bookends for our lovely, lively conversation.</p><p><a class="no-pjax" href="https://www.patreon.com/bePatron?u=8136979" data-patreon-widget-type="become-patron-button">Become a Patron!</a><script async="" src="https://c6.patreon.com/becomePatronButton.bundle.js"></script></p><h3><strong>Just Relatin'</strong></h3><p>It was fun chatting with Kira and relating on a variety of topics. She is yet another introverted performer type, much like me and much like episode three's guest, Melissa Rios. Like me, Kira grew up in a fairly rural area and moved elsewhere to pursue her goals and dreams. We also related with regard to mystical experiences and psychedelic stuff. It was a great talk and I know you're going to love it!</p><h3><strong>All the Other Ones</strong></h3><p>If you enjoy this episode, I encourage you to check out the other three 'sodes I released this week for the podcast's launch. In <a class="no-pjax" href="https://mattkollock.com/blogs/this-is-me-here-i-am/posts/the-matt-kollock-show-3-matt-has-a-conversation-with-melissa-rios">today's other episode</a>, I spoke to the aforementioned Melissa Rios. I also had a lovely conversation with the duo Meri Dean in <a class="no-pjax" href="https://mattkollock.com/blogs/this-is-me-here-i-am/posts/the-matt-kollock-show-2-matt-has-a-conversation-with-jason-melissa-of-meri-dean">episode two</a>. If you must know more about me and my whole deal, check out <a class="no-pjax" href="https://mattkollock.com/blogs/this-is-me-here-i-am/posts/the-matt-kollock-show-1-who-is-matt-kollock-and-why-does-he-have-a-show">episode one</a>. Good times!</p><h3><strong>People Helping People</strong></h3><p>Friends, if you want to learn more about Kira Holt and stay up to date with her music and everything else, the best place to stay connected is Instagram. <a class="no-pjax" href="https://www.instagram.com/kiraaholt/" data-link-type="url" contents="Follow Kira at @kiraaholt">Follow Kira at @kiraaholt</a>, won't you? Also, please be on the lookout for her debut acoustic EP, which will be available soon wherever you get your music.</p><p>If you'd like to support this podcast and all my other endeavors, of which there are many, stay tuned to my website, which is where you are located right now. Oh yeah, <a class="no-pjax" href="https://mattkollock.com/news" data-link-type="url" contents="check out the blog">check out the blog</a>, too, which is where I post playlists and written ramblings. It's fun! Of course, <a class="no-pjax" href="https://www.patreon.com/mattkollock" data-link-type="url" contents="I am on Patreon, too">I am on Patreon, too</a>. Subscribe to me there to get exclusive content and early access to podcast goodies. Did you know that this interview has been available for a week already on Patreon? Yeah. It's true.</p><p>Okay, guys. I hope you stay safe and act smart. Be well. Get groovy. Support local artists. Be good. Call your mom. Stuff like that. Bye!</p><hr><p> </p><link href="//cdn-images.mailchimp.com/embedcode/classic-071822.css" rel="stylesheet" type="text/css"><style type="text/css">
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</div></form></div><script type="text/javascript" src="//s3.amazonaws.com/downloads.mailchimp.com/js/mc-validate.js"></script><script type="text/javascript">(function($) {window.fnames = new Array(); window.ftypes = new Array();fnames[0]='EMAIL';ftypes[0]='email';fnames[1]='FNAME';ftypes[1]='text';fnames[2]='LNAME';ftypes[2]='text';}(jQuery));var $mcj = jQuery.noConflict(true);</script>Matt Kollocktag:mattkollock.com,2005:Post/60871962020-01-14T05:00:00-07:002020-01-14T05:11:29-07:00Ajax the Dog<p><img src="//d10j3mvrs1suex.cloudfront.net/u/331717/5683995a0bf3b81dfc27198fb7d1f994595c5c07/original/ajax-the-dog.png/!!/undefined/b:W1sic2l6ZSIsImxhcmdlIl1d.png" class="size_xl justify_center border_" />When I was three, my mom and dad drove me to a nearby farm to pick out a puppy. Or maybe the little German Shepherd fellow had already been selected for me. I don't know. I remember sitting on my mom's lap with my new dog on my lap as my dad drove the truck back home. I told my parents I wanted to name my new friend "Ajax." I remembered seeing an ad for Ajax cleaning products and the name was front and center in my child mind. There was something weird and cool to me about the j and the x hanging out together in the same name. And I knew I wanted my dog to have a cool name. Thus he was christened.</p>
<p>Ajax was, of course, a very good boy. Smart, courageous and loyal. A trusted family member and protector. Also just a cool dude to hang out with. I was told one of his grandparents was a wolf. He wasn't quite like all the other dogs. He had a kind of mystical, beating-drum-of-the-wilderness vibe to him. There were strange disappearances and evidence of rituals.</p>
<p>One day around the time when I started getting good at guitar I came home from school and noticed that his bed was no longer in the garage. He had been sick and not quite himself in the preceding days, so I had been preparing myself for the inevitability of the situation. Still, I was not ready to hear what my dad had to tell me when I entered the house. My old friend was in too much pain to continue living happily, so the decision was made to expedite the separation of his soul from his canine body. Thus the missing dog bed.</p>
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<h3><strong>Resurrection</strong></h3>
<p>Years later when I was living 100 miles south in Madison, Wisconsin I started producing tracks for my first crack at a solo project. I didn't feel right about using my actual name at the time, so I decided to record the songs under the name "Ajax the Dog." This was in the early 2000s, so they went up on MySpace. I never really considered them "finished," but I was pretty proud of what I did all by myself. At the time I posted them to the MySpace masses I was just kind of ready to be done fucking with the songs. I was ready to move on to the next set of recordings.</p>
<p>I didn't really fuck with music too much after that, though. That's about when my troubles started. I spent some time playing guitar in a pretty cool band for a couple of years, but for the most part, the years following my Ajax the Dog days were pretty bleak.</p>
<p>Now we're here, though. Miles and miles away in all the ways.</p>
<p>I dug out an old hard drive recently and located the Ajax the Dog recordings. They're not bad! I was pretty ambitious with my production ideas back then, but the technology imposed some strict limits. So did my singing voice. Wow, that's come a long way since then! But really, my Ajax the Dog songs are pretty good. I stand behind them. I wonder what would have happened if I had not gotten myself into so many shenanigans in the middle of the aughts. I wonder if I could have polished these recordings and done anything useful with them. I wonder what you might think of them.</p>
<h3><strong>Something to Tide You Over</strong></h3>
<p>As I revealed last week in <a contents="this blog post" data-link-label="" data-link-type="url" href="https://mattkollock.com/blogs/this-is-me-here-i-am/posts/odds-and-ends-6-wake-up">this blog post</a>, I'm recording my solo debut album. For real. Under my own name. It's going to be a minute before that's available, though. So why not share my Ajax the Dog songs?</p>
<p>I uploaded these guys to <a contents="SoundCloud" data-link-label="" data-link-type="url" href="https://soundcloud.com/matt-kollock">SoundCloud</a> a while ago and they've just been kinda sitting there. I think I wrote about them briefly in a blog post from last year, but never provided much in the way of context. But now I think it would be cool to consider these songs again as I work on surpassing their ability to represent the high-water mark of my recorded musical output. Consider them with Ajax in mind. Stuff like that.</p>
<p>So here you go:</p>
<p><iframe allow="autoplay" frameborder="no" height="300" scrolling="no" src="https://w.soundcloud.com/player/?url=https%3A//api.soundcloud.com/tracks/618848304&color=%23ff5500&auto_play=false&hide_related=false&show_comments=true&show_user=true&show_reposts=false&show_teaser=true&visual=true" width="100%"></iframe></p>
<h3>
<iframe allow="autoplay" frameborder="no" height="300" scrolling="no" src="https://w.soundcloud.com/player/?url=https%3A//api.soundcloud.com/tracks/621694125&color=%23ff5500&auto_play=false&hide_related=false&show_comments=true&show_user=true&show_reposts=false&show_teaser=true&visual=true" width="100%"></iframe><iframe allow="autoplay" frameborder="no" height="300" scrolling="no" src="https://w.soundcloud.com/player/?url=https%3A//api.soundcloud.com/tracks/621697707&color=%23ff5500&auto_play=false&hide_related=false&show_comments=true&show_user=true&show_reposts=false&show_teaser=true&visual=true" width="100%"></iframe><iframe allow="autoplay" frameborder="no" height="300" scrolling="no" src="https://w.soundcloud.com/player/?url=https%3A//api.soundcloud.com/tracks/621699279&color=%23ff5500&auto_play=false&hide_related=false&show_comments=true&show_user=true&show_reposts=false&show_teaser=true&visual=true" width="100%"></iframe><iframe allow="autoplay" frameborder="no" height="300" scrolling="no" src="https://w.soundcloud.com/player/?url=https%3A//api.soundcloud.com/tracks/621702234&color=%23ff5500&auto_play=false&hide_related=false&show_comments=true&show_user=true&show_reposts=false&show_teaser=true&visual=true" width="100%"></iframe><iframe allow="autoplay" frameborder="no" height="300" scrolling="no" src="https://w.soundcloud.com/player/?url=https%3A//api.soundcloud.com/tracks/621705093&color=%23ff5500&auto_play=false&hide_related=false&show_comments=true&show_user=true&show_reposts=false&show_teaser=true&visual=true" width="100%"></iframe><iframe allow="autoplay" frameborder="no" height="300" scrolling="no" src="https://w.soundcloud.com/player/?url=https%3A//api.soundcloud.com/tracks/621707526&color=%23ff5500&auto_play=false&hide_related=false&show_comments=true&show_user=true&show_reposts=false&show_teaser=true&visual=true" width="100%"></iframe>
</h3>
<h3><strong>Thoughts?</strong></h3>
<p>Well, what do you think? Any favorites or standouts? Any questions? Should I try to perform any of these in my current live show?</p>
<p>Contact me and let me know what you think, won't you? Thanks! See you next time.</p>Matt Kollocktag:mattkollock.com,2005:Post/59885652019-12-03T05:00:00-07:002019-12-28T13:15:08-07:00I Just Don't Know How to Describe My Music<p><img src="//d10j3mvrs1suex.cloudfront.net/u/331717/a5580c1a3ff7444a70a1eea16233a353b179022b/original/i-just-dont-know-how-to-describe-my-music.png/!!/undefined/b:W1sic2l6ZSIsImxhcmdlIl1d.png" class="size_xl justify_center border_" /></p>
<p>You would think that by now I'd have come up with some go-to descriptors of my music. But you would be wrong. I am happy to tell people that I am a musician, songwriter and performer. But when they inevitably ask me what my music <em>sounds</em> like, I have no idea what to say.</p>
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<p>Typically, I spit out some long-winded thing about how I'm really influenced by classic post-war blues, 90s alternative rock and the Grateful Dead with a dash of punk rock and just a hint of modern-pop flavor. I go on to say that I play in a high-energy, rhythmic style and I write quirky, yet soulful songs that often delve into psychedelic and spiritual subject matter. I mention that I wear a jumpsuit and perform standing on a tie-dyed rug. Then I remember to mention the Talking Heads and how I'm actually a lot like the Talking Heads. But then I think, "that's a whole band with electric instruments and I am just a dude with an acoustic guitar," so I start explaining all of that.</p>
<p>Sometimes I describe myself as a "singer/songwriter," which is fine, I guess, but people get ideas in their heads about what that's supposed to mean. And I get ideas in my head about the ideas in peoples' heads about what that's supposed to mean. So I start getting a little defensive and I tell people that I am not at all like James Taylor or Tracy Chapman or whoever populates the "singer/songwriter" section of their imaginations.</p>
<h3>A Better Way to Convey the Matt Kollock Vibe</h3>
<p>There's this guy named Ari Herstand who has a popular DIY music-business blog called <a contents="Ari's Take" data-link-label="" data-link-type="url" href="https://aristake.com/"><em>Ari's Take</em></a>. He wrote a book titled <a contents="How to Make it in the New Music Business" data-link-label="" data-link-type="url" href="https://book.ariherstand.com/second-edition31440066"><em>How to Make it in the New Music Business</em></a>, which is now in its second edition. I recommend it. He knows his stuff and I respect the shit out of his advice for indie musicians. He is also, like me, from Wisconsin!</p>
<p>Anyway, here's what Ari tweeted the other day:</p>
<blockquote class="twitter-tweet">
<p dir="ltr" lang="en">You’d be surprised at how many musicians have a very diffcult time talking about their own music. Pick two or three artists people say you sound like and use that. "David Bowie meets Bob Dylan." "If Janis Joplin got into a bar fight with Sly and the Family Stone."</p>— Ari's Take (@ArisTake) <a href="https://twitter.com/ArisTake/status/1200212026691334145?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">November 29, 2019</a>
</blockquote>
<p><script async src="https://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js" charset="utf-8"></script></p>
<p>As a musician who has a difficult time talking about their own music, I was not surprised to learn that many musicians have a very difficult time talking about their own music. And I was pleased by Ari's advice to use comparison as a means of description.</p>
<p>Just pick a couple of familiar artists who sound like me? Mash up some recognizable musical descriptors? Wonderful! Great! Easy!</p>
<p>Here's what I've come up with: <strong><em>My music is...</em></strong></p>
<ul> <li>If Creedence Clearwater Revival emerged from the Seattle grunge scene of the early '90s</li> <li>If Tony Joe White took psilocybin mushrooms with Joey Ramone and had a jam session with R.E.M</li> <li>If Fiona Apple was a psychedelic, spiritual carnivore who picked up the guitar instead of the piano</li> <li>If Joe Strummer took Bob Weir's place in the Grateful Dead</li> <li>If Bob Weir took Mick Jones's place in The Clash after hanging out with Rick James and Ram Dass over a long, lost weekend</li> <li>If Mick Jones took Joey Santiago's place in the Pixies after experiencing a ten-day silent meditation retreat led by Bernard "Pretty" Purdy</li> <li>If Joey Santiago joined Stevie Ray Vaughan and Double Trouble and demanded that Marianne Williamson be brought along as chief lyricist</li> <li>If Hall and Oates took DMT and recorded a punk album produced by Jeff Buckley and Leon Russell and featured Ani DiFranco on rhythm guitar</li> <li>If Jeff Buckley were a little more skilled as a swimmer, a little less skilled as a vocalist and about the same as a guitarist while being a much more prolific songwriter. On acid.</li> <li>If Prince were about six inches taller, 90% less confident and 100% less cool. On acid.</li> <li>If Ween spent the summer on the road with The Meters in Germany in the late 1980s and the endeavor was documented on film by <a contents="Bernard Shakey" data-link-label="" data-link-type="url" href="https://hyperrust.org/Words/Shakey.html">Bernard Shakey</a>
</li> <li>If Talking Heads went to India with The Beatles and listened to a bunch of Stax-Volt records on the return trip while passing the bong around and never changing the water</li> <li>If Cat Stevens and David Letterman were Simon and Garfunkel </li> <li>If Oprah joined the Quarrymen and met Freddy King at Studio 54 but didn't remember it</li> <li>If Pearl Jam were all about the groove, man</li> <li>If Andy Partridge replaced George Clinton in the P-Funk universe and recorded an album at an ashram presided over by a new, divisive guru who replaced the old guru, who was expelled after allegations of inappropriate behavior surfaced but the old guard continues to defend the former guru and who listens to classic-rock radio 15 hours a day. On acid.</li>
</ul>
<p>So you see I continue to have trouble with this thing. But I'll keep working on it.</p>
<h3>Aesthetics and Context</h3>
<p>For all the worrying I do about the possibility of someone thinking me and, say, James Taylor do the same thing with music, I have to admit that there actually isn't a whole lot that's different between Sweet Baby James and me. We are both white dudes who write songs and perform them using acoustic guitars. Most of our songs are between two and five minutes in length. Most are in 4/4 time. Most feature basic, sort of classic song structures (Verse, Chorus, Verse, Chorus, throw a bridge in there, yada-yada). We both sing in the baritone/tenor range. So what makes us so different?</p>
<p>To me, it's all about aesthetics and context.</p>
<p>I believe that for most people, the enjoyment of music comes from the aesthetic with which it is presented. I'm talking about the production style and use of things like compression, equalization, instrumentation and arrangement. It's not about the song as much as it is about the way the song <em>sounds</em>. And then there's the context. If people hear a song for the first time on the radio at the dentist's office, it will have a different meaning to them than if they heard it for the first time in a crowd of passionate concert-goers.</p>
<p>Music is also more than sound. People select the music they enjoy based on a number of factors that have nothing to do with the songs or sounds. They like to listen to the same music their friends listen to. Or they like to listen to music that serves as auditory opposition to the music their parents listened to when they grew up, or that their enemies listen to today.</p>
<p>At the end of the day – and I'm so, so sorry for all of you who will be hurt by this statement – there is not a lot of difference between the music of The Grateful Dead and the music of Jimmy Buffett. But try and find a person who listens to and enjoys both artists. I dare you.</p>
<p>What is my point? Honestly, I'm not sure. I kind of lost it there. But anyway...</p>
<p>I realize that I need to build my aesthetic. Right now I'm a dude with an acoustic guitar and some songs. I play in breweries and restaurants just like lots of other dudes who play the acoustic guitar and have some songs. So I want to start making my music in a way that does a better job of signaling what I'm about and what my values are. This means working on performing in different types of venues. And it means putting context around my music. Other instruments. Other musicians. Production choices. Stuff like that. Then my music will do a better job of speaking for itself. And I will come up with references that make sense so I can finally describe my music and my style with some semblance of accuracy.</p>
<p>Until then, Matt Kollock music sounds like if Carly Rae Jepsen served in the Korean War with Marlon Brando in a super-secret regiment of the Army that investigated occult/paranormal happenings while listening to <em>The Joe Rogan Experience</em> on a shared Sony Walkman that was delivered to them by a time-traveling Alex Trebek. On acid.</p>
<h3>How Would You Describe My Music?</h3>
<p>I am going to work on describing my music better. To be pithier about it. To paint a picture of my whole vibe with 10 to 15 words and a couple of pieces of punctuation. That will take some time. Until then, I would love to hear your suggestions for how I can describe my music! If you have seen and-or heard me perform, I invite you to chime in with your ideas. Just leave a comment or whatever, okay? Great! Thanks!</p><script async src="https://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js" charset="utf-8"></script>Matt Kollocktag:mattkollock.com,2005:Post/59541022019-11-12T08:34:16-07:002019-12-28T13:16:37-07:00What Is Success?<p><img src="//d10j3mvrs1suex.cloudfront.net/u/331717/206d330b05d54923457255ad2ad8ffed3cee9751/original/what-is-success.png/!!/undefined/b:W1sic2l6ZSIsImxhcmdlIl1d.png" class="size_xl justify_center border_" /></p>
<p>I remember a time about 25 years ago when I told a girlfriend's mom that I would be perfectly content and fulfilled if I spent my life playing blues guitar licks in midwestern bars. At the time, that was my vision of success.</p>
<p>Things have changed.</p>
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<h3>My Very 90s Concept of Musical Success</h3>
<p>I was holding on to a lot of assumptions about success. A lot of internalized unhelpful conventional wisdom, too. Back then, it was my belief that talented people were plucked from obscurity by generous, angelic benefactors with magical ears. They were given riches, privilege and artistic freedom. They were people like Michael Jackson, Madonna and The Beatles. In my mind, the universe could sustain a few dozen of those types of luminaries. They were the lottery winners. The rest of us could only hope to make a meager living, at best, from a life in music.</p>
<p>So I thought if I played Freddy King tunes in taverns and got paid for it, it would equal an unqualified success for me as a musician. That was my modest vision of "making it" in music at the time. I thought that if such a scenario should come to pass, I would have to count my blessings; I would have no right to complain or advocate for anything more.</p>
<p>Then I got the chance to experience my modest and uninformed vision of success in reality, just a few years after I had formulated and expressed it initially.</p>
<p>It was a weird time. I got to be on stage several nights a week playing blues licks for mostly interested and engaged audiences. I had gotten to where I thought I might get if I played my cards perfectly. And I was far from satisfied. I was deeply unhappy. It did not feel like success.</p>
<p>I became convinced that there was no such thing as success in music unless you were one of the "lottery winners." I had gotten to the exact place I wanted to get to and I was deeply unhappy. I didn't care for the people I was performing and creating (and traveling and sharing rooms and eating meals) with. I felt disconnected from my own talents and sensibilities, thinking that I had to fit myself into a cramped little box of blues in order to just maintain the shred of a career I had built; otherwise, it would all be taken away. Lose-lose.</p>
<p>I was disillusioned during the time that should have been my musical prime. So I retreated from it, mostly, and turned it into a hobby as I pursued more reasonable, practical and (I thought) people-pleasing ways of living life. Of course, that only made me depressed and resentful.</p>
<h3>Another Angle</h3>
<p>As I started pushing 30, I was entrenched in my conviction that I didn't have what it took to actually find success in music on my own terms. At the same time, I knew that music was the thing I was best at. I realized that it was the only thing that didn't make me feel like a phony. So I enrolled in a fancy recording school, thinking that I would burrow my way into a music career as an engineer or something. That wasn't right, either. I learned a lot of stuff, and I'm grateful I changed my life around so I could do the thing. But it got me no closer to achieving success in any way.</p>
<p>I joined a band as a hired-gun guitarist. That was fun. But I hated myself and my life, for the most part. I had gotten evicted from my apartment and my car was repossessed. I was attempting to do the right thing and be reasonable and please everybody. I was also not very in tune with myself or my needs. So I fucked it all up pretty much as badly as I possibly could. I became estranged from most of my friends and family, feeling ashamed by the way I had navigated such a crucial period of my life. This was not success.</p>
<h3>I Had to Die</h3>
<p>I gave up on music shortly after my brother John left his body and I moved to New Mexico (as detailed somewhat in <a contents="this blog post" data-link-label="" data-link-type="url" href="https://mattkollock.com/blogs/this-is-me-here-i-am/posts/odds-and-ends-5-november-rain-if-november-rain-were-a-blog-post">this blog post</a>). I sold my electric guitar and the sweet Traynor YCV50-Blue amplifier I owned. I was in my mid-30s and I decided that time had elapsed on my music-as-a-career clock. I would have to find success some other way.</p>
<p>I got into content writing and started exploring what it might look like for me to bend my creative ambitions into the world of the written word. I started getting paid a reasonable wage to write stuff for other people. I thought I might take the next step and write some stuff for me. I had a really cool idea for a novel and had generated a number of nonfiction concepts that made me excited. But it wasn't music. I couldn't get myself motivated to sit down and type shit. Most of the time, I picked up my guitar instead, figuring that I would get started another time.</p>
<p>My dad bought me a sweet Breedlove acoustic guitar around this time. I started playing a little more and getting my chops back up to where they had been a few years before. I even wrote a handful of new songs. But the idea that music was not a practical career path – or a medium through which I would be able to find any kind of success – persisted and added to my frustrations.</p>
<p>I arrived in my late 30s feeling like music had passed me by and would, at best, continue to be a fun hobby. I was also coming face to face with the fact that I did not have the ambition to reconfigure myself into a writer. I didn't know what I was supposed to do with my life.</p>
<p>Depression hit hard. I wanted to die. Or at least experience a change that would be as big as death. I got my wish in the best possible way in April, 2015, when I experienced an awesome spiritual awakening. I'll get into that story here another time. But if you wanna hear a version of it, you can <a contents="check out this podcast" data-link-label="" data-link-type="url" href="https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/new-life-after-ego-death-with-matt-kollock/id1438319558?i=1000424365588">check out this podcast</a>. I entered an internal psychedelic wonderland and have kept at least one foot there ever since. It changed everything.</p>
<h3>A Recalibration</h3>
<p>One of the first things I did after my awakening was to spend more time playing music. I began to go to open mics. I started writing songs seriously again. My confidence grew. I figured out how to sing.</p>
<p>I also met <a contents="Annie" data-link-label="" data-link-type="url" href="https://www.mariposastrategies.com/">Annie</a> around the same time I started thinking of my life as something other than a failure. A door had been cracked open and I wanted to be on the other side of it. More importantly, I felt like I <em>deserved</em> to be on the other side of it. I was pushing 40, but I was beginning to reject the idea that my best days had passed. I continued to prioritize music. I also thought a lot more about success and what it ought to look like.</p>
<p>Success for me, I realized, is not about money or status or being ranked highly on any list. It's about the time spent doing things. Success is about engineering my life in a way that allows me to express myself authentically at all times. To a lesser degree, it is also about building opportunities for contemplation, reflection and presence (as opposed to comfort, relaxation and happiness). Crucially, a layer of meaningful community and fellowship has to wrap it all up. I know now that if I just focus on that stuff, all the other stuff (money, fancy automobiles, friendships with people like Lorne Michaels, etc.) will come.</p>
<h3>But Still...</h3>
<p>It's not easy. I found myself starting to get obsessed about booking local gigs, despite my belief that they are basically irrelevant in terms of success in my mind. I have realized that my success is going to come from online interactions and performances in the virtual realm, as opposed to the grind of local gigging. Yeah, I want to perform regularly, but the desire to fill the calendar is such an egoic exercise. I need to let it go. It is unlikely that I will ever be as popular in the local scene as some of the lifers. And even if I was, I know I would not be happy. I had a pretty busy summer with performances. I was happy to have the opportunity to play for the people. But I was also frequently frustrated by the experience. I did not feel successful. So I've had to continually remind myself of what success <em>really</em> looks like for me.</p>
<h3>Tethered to a Moving Target</h3>
<p>I'm still figuring out what success should look like, but know some things for sure:</p>
<ul> <li>The meaning of success will probably continue to morph, meld and move. That's okay. It's a moving target. I just need to stay tethered; keep one eye on it.</li> <li>Keeping my ego in check is critical. Otherwise, I start comparing my statistics to those of my musical colleagues as if I am campaigning for something. None of that shit matters.</li> <li>It's not about measurable stuff as much as it is about being present and fulfilled.</li> <li>It's not about achievement; it's about being.</li> <li>In music, there are countless layers and levels of success between Beyoncé and being a starving artist. It is completely reasonable to think that I will occupy one of the tiers that's a little closer to Ms. Knowles than the guy under the bridge with a kazoo and three nickels.</li> <li>I'll be all right as long as I remain focused on the core of psychedelic spirituality versus recognition or sales or awards or shit like that.</li> <li>Success has nothing to do with fame or notoriety.</li> <li>Success has nothing to do with whether my friends, family members or anyone else approves or even gives a shit.</li> <li>Success is a feeling, not a set of data points.</li>
</ul>
<p>So yeah. That's about where I'm at with this stuff right now. I feel good.</p>
<h3>What About You?</h3>
<p>Do you feel like you have achieved success in your life or career? Or are you still working on it?</p>
<p>Do you feel like success is even possible? If so, what does it look like?</p>
<p>I wanna know what you think, so please leave a comment or hit me up on social media. Thanks!</p>
<p>See you next time, friends.</p>Matt Kollocktag:mattkollock.com,2005:Post/59504872019-11-05T13:27:32-07:002019-12-28T13:34:59-07:00Odds and Ends #5 ("November Rain" if "November Rain" Were a Blog Post)<p><img src="//d10j3mvrs1suex.cloudfront.net/u/331717/9498e7ae113a7282b482a81cc3b12f42da9db67b/original/odds-and-ends-5.png/!!/undefined/b:W1sic2l6ZSIsImxhcmdlIl1d.png" class="size_xl justify_center border_" />Hey. It's been a minute. Well, it's been, like, 192,000 minutes, actually.</p>
<p>Anyway, I'm so glad you're here!</p>
<p>Things have been pretty good. I've been up to stuff. Busy. Warm. Intoxicated. Sore. Cold. Fulfilled. Rich. Imaginative. Anxious. Grateful. Words like those.</p>
<p>I want to tell you about some of the stuff I've been doing and pondering. So I guess I'll just get into it.</p>
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<h3>I Had Myself a Summer</h3>
<p>It's true!</p>
<p>As a performer, I played shows on both sides of the Continental Divide and both sides of the mighty, muddy Missouri River. I played to empty patios and rooms crammed full of enthusiastic, funky hippies. I experienced fervent applause and heartbreaking indifference. All of it.</p>
<p>These are some summer 2019 highlights:</p>
<ul> <li>
<a contents="Byron" data-link-label="" data-link-type="url" href="https://byronamplification.com/">Byron</a> Fest was fantastic! I broke four strings in one hour in the Missouri heat and humidity, but not before wringing some energetic tunes out of them. Columbia is loaded with world-class talent. I was happy to be a part of things. Mostly, I was delighted to hang out with my buddy Byron for the first time since the 90s and meet his lovely family.</li> <li>
<a contents="Annie" data-link-label="" data-link-type="url" href="https://www.mariposastrategies.com/">Annie</a> and I visited my sister in Omaha for a brief while. You should visit Omaha some time, too. It's a great city with numerous fun restaurants and shops and things. Ultimately, it is too moist for me, but I love to visit.</li> <li>I wrote several new songs. I was messing around with the D A D G B D tuning and ended up with a handful of new tunes. I have not been as prolific in 2019 as I was in 2018, but I am very pleased with the quality of my new songs. I feel like I've taken a bit of a jump and I'm exploring some different territory, lyrically.</li> <li>Performing at the Ancient Way Music Festival was a real gas, man. I played an inspired set and the people (those aforementioned enthusiastic, funky hippies) were way into it. If I could only do one-hour sets, that would be great. Alas...</li> <li>I performed numerous two and three-hour shows, building character and growing hair on my chest. I had a lot of fun performing in breweries and eateries and nice places for the nice people over the summer. I hope I get more opportunities like this, but I also realize that that's not where the magic is going to happen in terms of advancing my music career and moving closer to my goals. I feel like I need to focus on recording, live streaming, producing video content and writing this blog versus trying to pack the calendar with exhausting live performances. I mean, yeah, I'll probably take just about any gig that's offered, but I kinda don't wanna unless it's really cool.</li> <li>I stopped performing at Albuquerque's Red Velvet Underground. Damn, I used to be so excited about that place! It just was not a good fit.</li> <li>I started rehearsing with a band. I met my new friends Jason and Melissa through communications associated with the 2019 <a contents="NPR Tiny Desk Contest" data-link-label="" data-link-type="url" href="https://tinydeskcontest.npr.org/2019/thanks/">NPR Tiny Desk Contest</a>. They perform together as a duo called <a contents="Meri Dean" data-link-label="" data-link-type="url" href="http://www.merideanmusic.com/">Meri Dean</a>, and they are excellent musicians. As a bonus, they are also fine human beings with whom I enjoy hanging. And they are also from America's Dairyland! Good times! We've gotten together several times now, and things are jelling quite well. I don't know when you'll be able to see me perform in this new configuration, but I will let you know.</li> <li>I took a nice, long social media break during much of the month of August. I think I need another one. You probably do, too.</li> <li>I celebrated my friend Erin's birthday at the New Mexico Governor's Mansion. As <a contents="a person who owns a public address system" data-link-label="" data-link-type="url" href="https://mattkollock.com/blogs/this-is-me-here-i-am/posts/holy-shit-i-just-purchased-a-public-address-system">a person who owns a public address system</a>, I was responsible for the karaoke aspect of the party. It went really well. But not so well that I think I'm going to quit making music and just be a weird karaoke guy now. Dammit.</li> <li>We had lots of ants in the house. They were very disrespectful. Now they're gone. Amdro granules seemed to do the trick.</li> <li>I got my ass back into running and achieved my goal of being able to run seven miles in less than 60 minutes.</li> <li>Annie and I went camping with her family in the East Mountains (east being east of Albuquerque). In a tent. It was groovy.</li> <li>AND MANY MORE!!!</li>
</ul>
<h3>Stickers and Pins and Things</h3>
<p>Guys! <a contents="Sticker Mule" data-link-label="" data-link-type="url" href="https://www.stickermule.com/unlock?ref_id=7461351701&utm_medium=link&utm_source=invite">Sticker Mule</a> kept telling me about sales on stuff and I kept ordering things. As a result, I have all these stickers and pins and things now. I'm giving this shit away for free, too, so just hit me up if you're interested. We'll work something out if you cannot see me in person. Pictured below are my sweet new 3"x3" stickers, business cards and 1.25" buttons. I also have bumper stickers. Hit me up!</p>
<p><img src="//d10j3mvrs1suex.cloudfront.net/u/331717/b6fa1d67f6d0970a8d2b95556d6b2e3e081ee032/original/ad82d989-a787-45fe-843c-158f64be993f.jpeg/!!/undefined/b:W1sic2l6ZSIsImxhcmdlIl1d.jpeg" class="size_xl justify_center border_" /></p>
<h3>Getting <em>LOST </em>Again</h3>
<p>About a dozen or so years ago I got myself really into the show <em>LOST</em>. I became a super-duper fan and was a small part of the amazing online community that arose around the show to discuss theories, opinions, literary references, music choices and all sorts of shit. I was obsessed. Then the show ended. I hadn't watched it since 2010. Then I learned that an old friend passed away.</p>
<p>Things didn't end well between Kathi and me back in 2013. We shared lots of wonderful times together, many of which were centered on our shared enjoyment and obsession with <em>LOST</em>. We bought an RV together and traveled to Los Angeles to watch the finale with several hundred other superfans. Our RV travels led us through Albuquerque on a few magical occasions, and the city made an impression. So we sold the motorhome and moved here to the Land of Enchantment. She went back to Wisconsin after a year. I remained. Our friendship did not last. We stopped talking.</p>
<p>In July I received a text from Kathi's daughter with the news that my old friend and partner had left her body after a brief battle with cancer. I'm still shaken by this news. I had had no intention of reconnecting with her again. But I hadn't ruled it out completely, either. Now that can't happen. And it's sad.</p>
<p>I decided I wanted to get back into <em>LOST </em>again after learning of Kathi's passing. I began at the beginning. Annie was in the room when I pressed play on the pilot episode (titled, "Pilot" for the pilot of Oceanic flight 815, Seth Norris God I am such a nerd). So she got hooked, too. We have watched about 75 episodes (of 122) over the past several weeks. It has been quite a ride.</p>
<p>I am not the same person I was when I was obsessed with <em>LOST</em>. My life has changed considerably, and positively. So it's been like watching a new, different version of the show. Trippy. So many memories and emotions and recollections of where I was and what I was doing when certain episodes aired (or when I watched them on DVDs rented from the legendary, Roger Ebert-endorsed Four-Star Video Heaven in Madison, Wisconsin). In many ways, I feel like the show is better suited to the person I am now. I am much more open to the spiritual message of the show, and I have accumulated life experiences that deepen my appreciation for the characters and their stories.</p>
<p>It's also crazy watching with Annie and experiencing her reactions to the show. Through her, I am seeing the show in new ways.</p>
<p>I'm enjoying the experience, but it's been a heavy, emotional one, too. I think about Kathi a lot, and I remember the discussions we used to have around the show. I wonder if she ever rewatched it. I wonder where her spirit is now – is she on The Island? Is she in a Flash-Sideways scenario? Is she okay? We had lots of good times together, but those good times dwindled considerably once <em>LOST</em> left us back on May 23rd, 2010. Now I'm back hanging out with Jack, Locke, Kate, Desmond, Sawyer, Juliet, Rose, Bernard, Charlie, Ben and the whole gang again. Kathi is not. So that's really sad. At the same time, I am grateful for the path my life has taken. It's led me here to this place where I can watch my favorite TV show of all time with the person I love the most.</p>
<p>On <em>LOST</em>, nothing awesome ever happens without something terrible happening simultaneously and vice-versa. Those original <em>LOST </em>days with Kathi were awesome. But they also happened concurrently with my brother John's deterioration and death. Now I'm rediscovering the joys of the show again, which is awesome. But my old friend has moved on. So yeah. The circle of life and all that. Live together, die alone. Don't tell me what I can't do. Son of a bitch. Dude. We have to go back. It's a bloody snowglobe. Words and phrases like that.</p>
<p>On a related note, Damon Lindelof's new show, <a contents="Watchmen" data-link-label="" data-link-type="url" href="https://www.hbo.com/watchmen"><em>Watchmen</em></a>, is excellent! I read the comic back when I was obsessed with <em>LOST</em>, knowing that it was quite influential on the show I loved (Doctor Manhattan = Desmond, for example). I thought the Zack Snyder film adaption in 2009 was, like, okay? But Lindelof's show takes a completely different approach to the material. I dig it a lot and I feel like I'll be a lifelong Lindelof Stan. So yeah.</p>
<h3>Listening to Women</h3>
<p>I love being able to stream music. My platform of choice is Spotify. The algorithm has helped me discover lots of artists I would not have been exposed to otherwise. But the algorithm is far from perfect. It is probably not going to play many women artists unless you take matters into your own hands. <a contents="Others have written about this." data-link-label="" data-link-type="url" href="https://www.digitalmusicnews.com/2019/09/11/martina-mcbride-spotify-sexist/">Others have written about this.</a> I try to listen to at least as many women as I do men. But then Spotify serves up a big old sausage party every Monday on my <em>Discover Weekly</em> playlist. Other playlists are dominated by dudes, too. Take <a contents="Rap Caviar" data-link-label="" data-link-type="url" href="https://open.spotify.com/playlist/37i9dQZF1DX0XUsuxWHRQd?si=Wnw3eyyLT-2kUD7lX56IXw"><em>Rap Caviar</em></a>, for example, which is not a favorite of mine, but is considered to be the most popular playlist on the platform. The most recent edition of the playlist features 50 tracks. Only one of them is by a woman artist. This is true for just about every Spotify-curated playlist, if not quite as extreme.</p>
<p>So I made my own playlist. It's called <a contents="Binder Full of Women" data-link-label="" data-link-type="url" href="https://open.spotify.com/playlist/49is3NaEaU81beNg58TKPv?si=nudNiSR4SMqfg0bAPCr6hg"><em>Binder Full of Women</em></a> after the dumb thing ol' Mitt Romney said that one time in that one debate. It features all my favorite women artists in addition to albums and tracks by women artists who just haven't gotten around to listening to on account of all the dudes trying to get into my earholes. I've been listening to that playlist almost exclusively since August. And it's working! Spotify is serving up many more women artists on its curated (for me, anyway) playlists. I've noticed a subtle change in my taste. And I've discovered some new favorites. Fun stuff!</p>
<h3>So I Guess We're Staying in Albuquerque Now?</h3>
<p>Yeah. Here we are. Annie and I have discussed escaping our complicated city at length and at various times over the past few years. It's got a lot to offer. It also has almost nothing to offer. One's perspective changes everything. And right now, we have settled in a shared mind space that views Albuquerque more favorably than not. It's a good base of operations. Most of our people are here. It's really cheap, too! So we're going to dig in and build our respective businesses here. We've even been taking steps to buy a house. It's not going to happen anytime soon, but it's going to happen.</p>
<p>Of course, this attitude toward our city could change at any moment. I will keep you posted.</p>
<h3>Balloons!</h3>
<p>My mom visited us in our complicated city last month to celebrate my birthday (I turned 43, yay for me) and attend the 49th Annual Albuquerque International Balloon Fiesta. It was great! I love Balloon Fiesta genuinely, and I was delighted to have my mom here to experience it with us. We attended on the second Saturday of the proceedings, which happened to be the coldest day of the year. So there was some hardship to deal with when we arrived at 4:30 am in the darkness. But I believe that hardship made the eventual sunrise, warmth and launch of balloons even more delightful. The skies were clear and blue. The sun was bright and illuminating. We had an excellent time. Then we went home, cranked the heat and took a nap.</p>
<p><img src="//d10j3mvrs1suex.cloudfront.net/u/331717/2aa4e1a2bc3ae1dae63f36ba9d3cb1be0839f408/original/11-jkjhkt7izyxgexalstw.jpg/!!/undefined/b:W1sic2l6ZSIsImxhcmdlIl1d.jpg" class="size_xl justify_center border_" /></p>
<h3>I Would Like to Find a Cool Hat</h3>
<p>You know. Just a cool hat. Something I can wear on stage that would go well with my Dickies coveralls. Stylish. Timeless. Durable. Able to conceal my baldness. That kind of hat. Let me know if you find anything that matches the description.</p>
<h3>The Bucks Are Back!</h3>
<p>Holy shit! I can't believe the NBA season is here again. That was a really short offseason, wasn't it?</p>
<p>Anyway, the Bucks have played seven games at the time of this writing, and they've won five of them. Not bad! But not as excellent as the start they had last year. I am not concerned. It's a long, long season, and I believe my team will be exactly where it needs to be when April gets here.</p>
<p>I am pleased with the offseason my team had, too. Yeah, it sucks to get lose Malcolm Brogdon, but I feel like for all his attributes, he would not have been a very good value given the amount Indiana ended up paying him to be the Pacers' new starting point guard. I feel like the national NBA punditry is overestimating his importance. I also believe the Bucks have plenty of people on the roster who can more than replace Brogdon's contributions. They brought in Wesley Matthews and Kyle Korver. And they've got hungry dudes like Sterling Brown and Donte DiVincenzo on the bench who are ready to demonstrate what they can do.</p>
<p>The consensus is that Philadelphia is the class of the NBA's Eastern Conference. That's fair, but I believe Milwaukee is superior. Honestly, I think Toronto is superior, too, even without Kawhi Leonard.</p>
<p>FEAR THE DEER!</p>
<h3>I Got A New Phone</h3>
<p>I guess I'm going to be doing the iPhone thing for another year or two. Verizon made me an offer I couldn't refuse – $250 off the purchase of a new iPhone XR. So I traded in my iPhone 7, which was getting a little slow and hard of hearing, and got the XR in groovy yellow. I am pleased. The battery lasts for, like, two days. Good times.</p>
<h3>I Fell</h3>
<p>On the same day my new phone arrived, I fell on my face. I was out on a run through the cottonwood forest that grows on either side of the Rio Grande near our home. I must have tripped on a stump or root or something. It didn't get hurt too badly, but I was shaken up. Nevertheless, I finished my run, got home and attempted to have a normal day. That was not possible.</p>
<p>We ended up going to the emergency room. No concussion. No brain injury. No internal bleeding. Just some cuts and scratches.</p>
<p>Annie wondered aloud what might have contributed to the fall besides the rough terrain; I am usually very sturdy and nimble. So I started wondering what was up, too. I realized that I had been experiencing some weirdness in my head that I had just been dismissing. Some strangeness in my left arm, too. Twitchy. Jittery. A little bit numb.</p>
<p>I started feeling pretty anxious about all this, so I went to the ER again. They examined me. Checked my blood. All that. Nothing out of the ordinary. But my symptoms persisted. I made an appointment with my primary care physician. We tested my blood some more. I got referred to a neurologist. Based on my symptoms, he diagnosed me with an Essential Tremor. That didn't seem quite right to me, so I (well, Annie, actually) pressed him to order an MRI for me.</p>
<p>I had that MRI yesterday. I'll meet with the neurologist in a week to discuss what, if anything, it reveals. I am nervous. A little scared. Worried about my ability to keep playing music. And <em>very</em> anxious. In fact, I'm pretty sure this whole thing is related to anxiety. I hope that is the case. I realize that I've actually been experiencing a great deal of unacknowledged anxiety lately. So it would not be surprising if it turns out this whole thing has been in my head. But all I can do now is wait.</p>
<p>In the meantime, I'm going to just keep doing what I do. And I'm going to try my best to continue that approach past next week when I finally find out what's going on, regardless of what that finding may be.</p>
<p>I will keep you posted!</p>
<h3>Stay Tuned, My Sweet Friends</h3>
<p>Wow. This has been quite a blog post. Another nearly 3,000-word epic. Can you tell I get paid by the word for my day job?</p>
<p>I promise to keep up with this thing more regularly. It's good for me. I don't have a lot of performance opportunities on the horizon, so this is an excellent way for me to express myself, connect with you and feel like I'm advancing my career.</p>
<p>I am also in the midst of recording my songs. They'll be released soon on all your favorite digital platforms, including the aforementioned Spotify.</p>
<p>There's a podcast in the works, too. I am really excited about that. Right now I'm working on the format and considering the types of guests who will join me. I hope to drop the first few episodes in early January. I'll let you know how that goes.</p>
<p>Okay. This has been a lot of fun. I hope you have a great week, friends. I'll see you next time.</p>Matt Kollocktag:mattkollock.com,2005:Post/59647362019-11-01T00:00:00-06:002024-03-18T20:52:33-06:00I Am Trying to Reduce My Baseline Anxiety Level<p> </p><img src="//d10j3mvrs1suex.cloudfront.net/u/331717/0c645f9b85b3efc5c756db28eccec88e58fcb5c4/original/i-am-trying-to-reduce-my-baseline-anxiety-level.png/!!/undefined/b:W1sic2l6ZSIsImxhcmdlIl1d.png" class="size_xl justify_center border_" /><p> </p><p>A close friend of mine endured a health scare a few years ago. It was scary and difficult to pin down. She was convinced it was a heart thing. Turns out, it was anxiety. My friend started meditating and engaging in mindfulness practices. Exercising more regularly. Trying to eat better. The symptoms receded. She's doing much better now.</p><p><a class="no-pjax" href="https://www.patreon.com/bePatron?u=8136979" data-patreon-widget-type="become-patron-button">Become a Patron!</a><script async="" src="https://c6.patreon.com/becomePatronButton.bundle.js"></script></p><p>I'm glad I had her story in my head during my own recent health scare.</p><p>I've been experiencing twitches and glitches. Shakes and shimmies. Brain zaps and zips, too. Often, it feels like my brain is cramped; like it has a Charley Horse. It's been going on for a few months now, but it has shown itself at various points in the past, too. This time around it seems like the issue has had more staying power. Seemingly more committed to fucking my shit up.</p><p>I was losing my grip. Literally – I began to lose strength and dexterity in my left hand and wrist. I avoided playing certain songs and had to adjust setlists just to make sure I could get through my gigs without fucking up or embarrassing myself. It was getting really, really scary.</p><p>There were a couple of emergency room visits. A couple of visits to see my primary doctor. A visit to a neurologist. A CT scan. An MRI. Another visit to the neurologist. People starting describing my symptoms using terms like "Parkinsonian." There was talk of MS. Then I read about <a class="no-pjax" href="https://www.npr.org/2019/10/03/766780466/kim-shattuck-an-enduring-presence-in-l-a-punk-dead-at-56" data-link-type="url" contents="Kim Shattuck's death">Kim Shattuck's death</a> after a two-year battle with ALS (perhaps better known as "Lou Gehrig's Disease").</p><p>Shattuck, a punk-rock lifer who was best known as the leader of The Muffs, was only 56 when she left her body. Reportedly, one of the first symptoms she noticed was the loss of her ability to grip the neck of her bass with her left hand. So, of course, I began to entertain the idea that <i>I</i> had ALS and that <i>I</i> might only have two years left in <i>my</i> body.</p><p>Would I lose my ability to play the guitar and perform? Would I have to rush to get all my songs recorded before I became unable to play them anymore? What about engaging in exercise and just regular-life stuff?</p><p>Well, the neurologist says there is nothing wrong with me, neurologically speaking. My brain scan is clean. I don't have Parkinson's. I don't have MS. I don't have some strange, previously undiscovered mystery condition. But I <i>do </i>have anxiety. And, as it did for my friend, the anxiety has manifested in some interesting, confusing and deceptive ways.</p><h3>That Goddamned Klaxon</h3><p>For most of my existence, I tried to convince myself and others that I was a normal, regular person with normal, regular sensitivity levels and a normal, regular ability to handle everyday life. The problem is that I am not, in fact, normal or regular, despite what outward appearances and my own mighty efforts at deception would suggest.</p><p>I am a very anxious and sensitive person. That's not a problem. The problems happen when I try to live life like I'm not a very anxious, sensitive person. When I don't account for my sensitivity and anxiety, shit gets fucked up.</p><p>I remember when I had a job working for an answering service. I would answer phones for various businesses in south-central Wisconsin. It was a crappy job with crappy pay and crappy management. But the thing I remember most is the <a class="no-pjax" href="https://youtu.be/W_9KR3mYkUo" data-link-type="url" contents="fucking klaxon">fucking klaxon</a>.</p><p>When calls were coming in too quickly for staff members to answer them, or when callers were placed on hold for more than one minute, the loudest alarm you have ever heard in your whole life would start shrieking out its awful song right there in the middle of the call center. I guess it was effective?</p><p>I shouldn't have worked that job. The klaxon was a good motivator for most of the operators there. But for me, it was a nightmare engine. I still think of that goddamn thing quite frequently, especially when I am feeling anxious.</p><p>But I was supposed to be a good, hardworking midwestern boy who did not complain. Where I come from, advocating for oneself is seen as extremely unseemly. I have only recently learned that advocating for oneself is, in fact, essential. But back then I convinced myself that I was a very bad person for feeling anything other than gratitude for a job that caused panic attacks and freakouts. So I stayed at the job and continued to say "yes" to all the things that made the anxiety worse. Which led to depression, which led to increased anxiety, which led to deeper depression and so on and so forth.</p><p>Eventually, I retreated into a strategy that seemed logical, but only shoveled more coal into my hungry anxiety furnace. I built a fortress around the goddamned klaxon in my mind; its shrieks persisted, louder than ever.</p><h3>The Avoidance Strategy</h3><p>The obvious strategy for dealing with anxiety is to avoid things that cause anxiety, right?</p><p>Recently I stumbled upon a <a class="no-pjax" href="http://I%20Am%20Trying%20to%20Reduce%20My%20Baseline%20Anxiety%20Level" data-link-type="url" contents="Reddit thread">Reddit thread</a> where people were discussing this topic. It being Reddit, the issue was framed as a question with a countdown clock and desired objective attached: "You have 90 days to reduce your baseline anxiety level by as much as possible. What do you do?"</p><p>Some users describe all the ways they would organize life to avoid the things that cause them anxiety (escape to the mountains!). Others have offered ideas related to improving the manner with which anxiety is handled and endured (build mental and emotional resilience!). I realized that I had traveled from the former camp to the latter in the last decade.</p><p>Back in the Time of the Klaxon, I started avoiding life altogether for a while. I was using the avoidance strategy without even really knowing what or whom I was avoiding. I just knew that it felt better to avoid people and situations than it did to deal with them. At least temporarily. Avoidance always induced anxiety, often to levels surpassing what I felt in the first place. So I doubled down and avoided people and situations even more. It led to unemployment, eviction and repossession of my vehicle, among many other difficulties and shenanigans.</p><p>In a way, I had gotten everything I wanted: People were leaving me alone. I had dropped the burden of responsibility. No one needed anything from me, really.</p><p>And I was miserable.</p><p>The thing is, avoidance is not the ideal strategy for dealing with anxiety. Yes, it is appropriate to defend one's boundaries and all that. But avoiding anxiety does not prevent anxiety.</p><h3>Here's What Works for Me</h3><p>These days I make a point to expose myself to situations that I know will cause anxiety. Within reason. Why would I do this?</p><p>Well, it's because my life is best when I'm living it in accordance with my values. I recognize that the best life I can envision is one in which I will have to deal with situations and people who might make me feel some anxiety. Avoiding people and situations that make me feel anxious might seem like an effective strategy. But all that's doing is keeping me from living life according to my values, which tends to increase my anxiety. Can you see why this is so tricky?</p><p>I am trying to be a successful musician. I don't see how that's possible without having to wrestle with anxiety regularly. So if I avoid it, I also avoid reaching my goals and living the life I want for myself. Which contributes to even greater levels of anxiety.</p><p>So I try for a nice balance. I honor myself and my boundaries. I take time to <i>not</i> do stuff. I use a calendar to organize the events of my life, and I make sure to have plenty of white space between those events. Crucially, I am also very forgiving when I don't adhere strictly to the calendar. It should be a soft, comfortable slipper; not a rigid steel-toe lace-up boot.</p><p>I exercise. Sometimes I go out and run six or seven miles. I do it because it makes the rest of my life easier. I recognize that dealing with anxiety is a little like exercise, too. When I can live with it, accept it and endure situations where it is present, I feel like I'm building my muscles. I have learned that the anxiety is always worse than the things I am anxious about. When I'm feeling the anxiety, that's as bad as it's going to get, so I try to live with it and feel the feelings. More often than not, I recognize that I am alive, healthy and in a situation absent of anything that will threaten my life, in spite of what the anxiety is telling me. This is helpful.</p><p>I think about engineering my life. I am tempted to create an architectural model of my existence that is sealed off from anxiety hermetically. But then I extrapolate and notice that the life I have designed contains very little fulfillment. Very little richness or awe. A lot of missing out. Extrapolating even further, I recognize that anxiety has been baked into my design as a result of my deliberately avoiding it. Far out, man. Far out.</p><p>So I engineer my life to be balanced. I make sure I get to experience anxiety in ways that help me understand my ability to cope with it. This builds confidence. My engineering also accounts for space, which is critical to the success of my design.</p><h3>There Are All these Interruptions</h3><p>I need space and time in my life to function effectively. It's not just alone time; it's time to retreat inside myself knowing that I will not be disturbed. It doesn't work if I keep one foot in the mystical mindscape and the other in Regular World. I need to go inside completely and stay there for a while, only emerging after sufficient time has been spent in the wavy world of illogic that exists somewhere a few inches back behind my eyes. That's the place where I go to get refreshed. There, I barter with entities that accept my anxiety as currency to pay for ineffable insights and wisdom that I bring back to Regular World. There are no klaxons in this place.</p><p>I was trying to figure all this out and put it into words when someone on Facebook shared a link to t<a class="no-pjax" href="https://www.theexaminedlife.org/fear-of-being-interrupted/" data-link-type="url" contents='his article from The Examined Life, entitled, "The Fear of Being Interrupted."'>his article from <i>The Examined Life</i>, entitled, "The Fear of Being Interrupted."</a> I can't stress just how much of a synchronicity this is!</p><p>Have you ever had one of those times when you try to put words to an idea, but you can't? And then someone says something or you read something that brings it all into focus? Yeah, that's what happened here with me and this article. You should read it.</p><p>I see now that I've been living a life full of interruptions. And I am a person who requires significant uninterrupted time. You see, the goddamned klaxon found a way back into my life. It turned itself into a million little, seemingly harmless and insignificant interruptions. They accumulated like snowfall. Then when I wanted to leave the house, I realized they had blocked my garage door, disappeared my driveway and made all area roads impassable. Fucking klaxon.</p><h3>It's Like If a Button Had the Word "Reset" Written on It, Like a Reset Button, If You Will</h3><p>So what am I going to do now?</p><p>I'm going to take time and space to let the snow melt. I don't have anywhere to be or anything to do. I am going to hit the reset button. I am going to work on things that give me fulfillment, like continuing to express myself in this blog. I will continue to exercise and work on music. I will pay better attention to the feelings in my body. I will meditate and practice breathing in ways that keep me balanced and energized. I will say "no" to some things and "yes" to others, always keeping in mind the healing that needs to happen between my ears so my left arm can chill the fuck out and locate the strength it seems to have misplaced.</p><p>I will also embark on a cosmic journey soon, which will boost the healing mechanism and reveal subsequent steps.</p><p>I will also lie on the couch and get into <i>The Mandalorian</i>. I will take it easy.</p><p>A few years ago an acupuncture practitioner told me that I am highly attuned to the rhythms of agriculture. If that's the case, then this is the time of the year when I should be resting, enjoying the fruits of my harvest and keeping warm with the wood I spent the last several months chopping. So I'm going to try to do that for a while.</p><h3>I Have Taken All the Chill Pills</h3><p>I should mention medication. Anxiety affects a lot of people, especially in this country. This country is also the setting for a highly profitable pharmaceutical industry. So you put those things together and all of a sudden people think they need benzos just to get through the day, which leads to even more anxiety, which leads to greater dependence on the benzos, which leads to greater profits for the pharmaceutical companies, who use their unprecedented corporate wealth for things like (checks notes) "research," which doesn't seem to involve any research into anxiety relief not involving physical dependence upon a pill.</p><p>But anyway...</p><p>I have taken those benzos. They don't work for me. Honestly, I don't think they actually work for anyone. They attack the symptoms of anxiety without regard to the underlying causes. So how <i>could</i> they work?</p><p>Both my primary doctor and my neurologist suggested that I could take an antihistamine anxiety remedy. So I got a prescription for hydroxyzine. It is non-habit forming and non-addictive. It's basically like souped-up Benadryl and boy, does it knock me out. So not really much different from the benzos in terms of their ability to provide genuine anxiety relief. Sometimes it's good to be knocked out, though. Sometimes it's good to intervene pharmaceutically in order to get some sleep. But I really don't like the stuff. If I take one 50mg pill at night, I will feel groggy and somewhat useless until the next night. That's not conducive to living my life according my values. Not right now, anyway.</p><p>Do you know what <i>does</i> work? Cannabis and psilocybin. Unfortunately, those substances exist in a realm of legality that makes me reluctant to write about them further here. I'll be getting my <a class="no-pjax" href="https://nmhealth.org/about/mcp/" data-link-type="url" contents="New Mexico Medical Cannabis Program">New Mexico Medical Cannabis Program</a> card in the mail any day now, though, so I'll write more then.</p><h3>A Note on My Tremendous Privilege</h3><p>My major issue in life right now is anxiety.</p><p>For some people, the major issues in their lives are things like malnutrition, poverty, the presence of physical and-or psychological abuse, terminal illness, severe social injustice, war trauma or any number of serious existential concerns. So I recognize that I'm actually quite privileged to be able to look at my life and identify anxiety as the biggest problem. I am grateful to be living a life that is not defined by being oppressed by others. It doesn't make my anxiety go away, but it provides an important perspective. And as I move forward, I think it's important to keep that perspective. I can't be doing what I'm doing just for myself. It has to somehow benefit everybody, especially those who are not as privileged as me. I'm figuring it out.</p><h3>What's Your Klaxon?</h3><p>My klaxon started as a literal klaxon. Then it turned into something resembling a serious neurological disorder. It'll probably morph into a dozen or more other things in the coming years. That's the way it is, and that's okay. I can deal if I can have the time and space.</p><p>I'm curious about you – are you a person who struggles with anxiety? If your life led you here to my website, I'd be surprised if you aren't. What does it look like for you? How do you deal with it? Leave a comment and let me know.</p><p>See you next time, friends!</p><hr><script type="text/javascript" src="//s3.amazonaws.com/downloads.mailchimp.com/js/mc-validate.js"></script><script type="text/javascript">(function($) {window.fnames = new Array(); window.ftypes = new Array();fnames[0]='EMAIL';ftypes[0]='email';fnames[1]='FNAME';ftypes[1]='text';fnames[2]='LNAME';ftypes[2]='text';}(jQuery));var $mcj = jQuery.noConflict(true);</script>Matt Kollocktag:mattkollock.com,2005:Post/58037092019-06-25T21:14:42-06:002019-12-28T13:17:55-07:00Fundamental Dissatisfaction Blues and the 20-Point Scale of Emotions<p><img src="//d10j3mvrs1suex.cloudfront.net/u/331717/b90773cc09377b430ee35fbe120c8538fdc5bb9f/original/fundamental-dissatisfaction-blues-and-the-20-point-scale-of-emotions.png/!!/undefined/b:W1sic2l6ZSIsImxhcmdlIl1d.png" class="size_xl justify_center border_" /></p>
<p>I was diagnosed as bipolar some time ago.</p>
<p>Every day I take a reading of my mood/energy level and enter it in my journal. I use a 20-point scale where one is totally depressed and deactivated and 20 is completely, dangerously manic. 10 is "normal." 12 or 13 is ideal.</p>
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<p>I have never entered a number below five or above 15. I've only been tracking this number since December 2017, though. I've certainly been <em>that</em> depressed and <em>that</em> manic at various times in my past. Thankfully, I've found some tools, practices and, uh, supplements that generally keep me where I want to be. </p>
<p>Today I am at a 13. Things have been nice. Earlier this month they were not as nice. I had several days of sub-10 scores. There were a couple of challenging stretches and I just wasn't feeling the groove.</p>
<p>Here's what I noticed about myself on those days of sevens and eights:</p>
<ul> <li>I am a creature of routine and I love routine but also I despise it</li> <li>An absence of peak experiences in life is a real drag for me</li> <li>Scrolling through social media feeds mindlessly awakens anger when I'm feeling low</li> <li>I have a tendency to hold back the emotion and energy when I'm playing my music, instead choosing to conserve my energy and play it safe. This leads to gigs where I play well and put on a pleasant show (I am a professional, after all), but I feel like shit because I was not quite authentic. I had several gigs like that earlier this month.</li> <li>I continue to feel traumatized by the death (and subsequent post-mortem discovery) of my feline friend, Morris</li> <li>I miss my dad a lot, and I should probably expect some feelings every year around June 9th, the date on which he left his body back in 2017</li> <li>My <a contents="high sensitivity" data-link-label="" data-link-type="url" href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sensory_processing_sensitivity">high sensitivity</a> exacerbates all this shit</li>
</ul>
<p>What I feel most, however, is a feeling of fundamental dissatisfaction. That's really the best way I can describe it.</p>
<p>Interestingly, I feel like the feeling of fundamental dissatisfaction is not just present when I'm below 10 on my scale, but all the time. Even when I'm feeling good and groovy. When I'm low, though, I refuse to accept it; I fight against it. When I'm feeling good, I regard it, accept it and let it be. Then I can move on to other, more satisfying shit that's not clouded by my failure to acknowledge the fundamental dissatisfaction. Oh yeah.</p>
<h4>The Problem Is Not the Problem</h4>
<p>All the things up there that were making me feel low are not problems to solve. They are things to notice. They are the weather. They show up and hang out and then they leave. Unless I fight them. Which only encourages them to hang out longer and reveal additional, terrible aspects of themselves. And then I stop exercising. And I eat like an asshole in reverse. Sorry about that one. I'm just trying to be authentic here.</p>
<p>Anyway, I have learned that it's my resistance that causes the suffering and depression and lowness. It's never about the problem, really. The problem is not the problem; it's my dysfunctional reaction that's the problem. So now I react better, which keeps me in the sweet spot on my scale, generally.</p>
<p>You're goddamn right I've read my Eckhart Tolle.</p>
<h4>Gratitudinal Adjustments</h4>
<p>One of the things that helps me when I'm below 10 is to try to focus on gratitude. Wow. I just typed that unironically. Old Matt was the type to roll his eyes at that kind of shit. He wasn't bad. He just needed to get to where he was going.</p>
<p>Anyway...</p>
<p>Gratitude really works. It's the perfect thing for fundamental dissatisfaction to dissolve into. Like sugar into water. Mmmmmm... Delicious sugar water.</p>
<p>So yeah, here's some stuff I'm grateful for:</p>
<ul> <li>
<a contents="Annie" data-link-label="" data-link-type="url" href="https://www.mariposastrategies.com/">Annie</a> and my loving, supportive partnership with her</li> <li>My family and friends, all of whom are loving and supportive in their unique individual ways</li> <li>The many years I had to get to know, understand, respect and learn from my dad</li> <li>A comfortable, safe home</li> <li>Nearly unlimited access to clean, fresh water</li> <li>The daily presence of nutritious, well-prepared and tasty foods</li> <li>Ambition to work on my craft, particularly on days when I don't feel like it</li> <li>My high sensitivity (even though it surprises me with a sucker punch from time to time)</li> <li>Opportunities to express myself</li> <li>A day job that doesn't suck, doesn't put me in contact with difficult people and doesn't interfere with my weirdo tendencies and lifestyle choices</li> <li>Excellent taste in music. Truly the best. Unmatched.</li> <li>Humility and modesty</li> <li>A sense of humor</li>
</ul>
<p>Each day's journaling contains not only my score on the 20-point scale but also a reflection on something for which I am grateful. I have a feeling that tomorrow I will be grateful for having written this blog post.</p>
<h4>A Spontaneous Adventure in a Former Santa Fe Bowling Alley</h4>
<p>I was going to write and post this piece last week but, ironically, I was too low, depressed and fundamentally dissatisfied to do so.</p>
<p>Every so often I need to bust out of a routine, which helps me rise back above 10 on my scale. In my funk last week I decided to say fuck it and go up to <a contents="Meow Wolf" data-link-label="" data-link-type="url" href="https://meowwolf.com/">Meow Wolf</a> for a day. So on Wednesday, I got on the <a contents="Rail Runner" data-link-label="" data-link-type="url" href="https://www.riometro.org/395/New-Mexico-Rail-Runner-Express">Rail Runner</a> and chugged my way up to Santa Fe. Then I boarded a bus that took me to the facility, which is located in a more industrial, less touristy area of town. Well, that's a lie. Now that Meow Wolf has become a thing, it is absolutely lousy with tourists! I was not prepared for that. I was not prepared for anything on this day. And that was exactly what I needed.</p>
<p>It's really, really weird that my very first visit to Meow Wolf – and the <em>House of Eternal Return</em> immersive art experience contained within – happened just last Wednesday. The place, which is a psychedelic wonderland seemingly created with me as its target audience, has been open for, like, three years now. Annie has been there more times than I can count. And yet, I found myself unable to line up a visit with the reality and schedule of my life. So I'm glad I took the opportunity to break out of my precious, precious morning routine to do something different.</p>
<p>Lots of families were there. Lots and lots of just regular, mainstream families with little kids and shit. There was a line. A long line. Laughably, I envisioned myself just moseying in there and hanging out with a handful of other psychedelic weirdoes. It was a Wednesday morning, after all.</p>
<p>I believe every single family that was experiencing their once-in-a-lifetime western road trip last week decided to use Wednesday as their Meow Wolf day. And the line to get in was located under an unencumbered sun. And I had to pee. And I was feeling a panic attack coming on. I felt like I had dealt with the major challenges of just getting there on the train and bus. I was not prepared for further difficulties!</p>
<p>Finally, the line began to move out of the sun and into the building, which housed a bowling alley in a former life. But I was still kind of freaking out. I had pictured the day unfolding as if visiting a museum. Instead, it was more like visiting a crowded theme park. I got my ticket scanned, paid the extra dollar for the 3-D-ish glasses, used the restroom and entered the installation. I started wandering and began to experience the initial flowerings of awe. Almost immediately a youngster ran into me and killed my buzz. He didn't even say, "excuse me!" I think he might be on my lawn right now, too.</p>
<p>This situation presented me with a choice: I could have a terrible time and live the day through the lens of complaint and dissatisfaction. Or I could accept the situation, accept myself within it and go with the flow of the day. I chose the latter. And I had a spectacular time!</p>
<p>I spent a good four hours in <em>The House of Eternal Return</em>. It's sort of like an escape room crossed with a puzzle, mixed up with a massive art installation and infused with mystical, cosmic, psychedelic attitude. At times, it felt like being inside <em>Annihilation</em> (the book <em>or</em> the movie, actually). It's a bit like a freaked-out <a contents="House on the Rock" data-link-label="" data-link-type="url" href="https://www.thehouseontherock.com/">House on the Rock</a>. There is a mystery to solve if one chooses. I chose not to. Next time.</p>
<p>I just wandered around. I climbed, crawled, sat, peered, gaped and tiptoed my way through the entire installation on a random circuit that took me exactly where I needed to go. When I started feeling bored, a new room presented itself or a performer gave context to the space. At times when I started feeling anxious and crowded, I found a door that opened to a room in which I was the only occupant. Favorite spaces emerged and I found myself wandering back to them.</p>
<p>After Meow Wolf I met with my sweet friend Jill, who is also a highly sensitive person. It's good to talk with her about all this stuff. We ate at Tomasita's, a restaurant that has near-religious implications for me. We did some shopping. Shared some laughs. Related. I got on the train back home feeling refreshed and fulfilled.</p>
<h4>Use the Mania, Rest in the Depression</h4>
<p>In the weeks after my dad left his body in the summer of '17, I remember being super manic. Almost like my psyche was implementing the mania as a defense against the overwhelming feelings of grief that had permeated my being. The grief was still there. But I was basically the personification of <a contents="Ric Flair's "Woooooooo!"" data-link-label="" data-link-type="url" href="https://youtu.be/wsiX0-EC-ZE">Ric Flair's "Woooooooo!"</a></p>
<p>I still didn't know what to do with the mania back then. I remember being kind of a dick a lot of the time, actually. Just a ball of loud asshole energy. Ask Annie.</p>
<p>Now I know that it's useful. If I can just focus a little bit I can make lots of stuff happen. I can get unfinished songs written. I can make unpleasant phone calls. I can do more than three things in a day, basically. So that's what I try to do now. I welcome it and I'm grateful for the mania. As long as it doesn't rise above 15, you know? It's really good for output.</p>
<p>I can also use the depression. That's the time for me to rest, reflect, practice gratitude and focus on input. Fuel. Stuff like that. I think I have it figured out. Well, it works for me, at least. For now. And that's just fine.</p>
<h4>News & Notes & Nonsense</h4>
<p>it's been a while since the last blog post! Here's what else is happening in the Matt Kollock world:</p>
<ul> <li>I am <a contents="actively pursuing musical relationships" data-link-label="" data-link-type="url" href="https://www.bandmix.com/mattkollock/">actively pursuing musical relationships</a> with other people. Things might be happening soon. I will keep you posted.</li> <li>I have shows coming up this summer. Lots of them! <a contents="Here's" data-link-label="" data-link-type="url" href="https://mattkollock.com/shows">Here's</a> where you can go to learn all about my live-performance schedule.</li> <li>I am booking many of those shows thanks to a new and already fruitful relationship with Albuquerque-based booking agency <a contents="Jams of Enchantment" data-link-label="" data-link-type="url" href="https://www.facebook.com/jamsofenchantment/">Jams of Enchantment</a>
</li> <li>I have begun recording my songs in their solo singer/songwriter format. I hope to have releases available by the end of this summer. Stay tuned!</li> <li>I just started watching <em>Deadwood</em> for the first time. What a treat to be able to experience it as a newcomer! It's such a great show. My dad would have loved it. I feel like I'm watching it with him.</li> <li>I'm running regularly again. I really, really want to keep it up this time. The weather is not cooperating, but I don't care. It's just additional resistance. I have to get stronger.</li> <li>I just did a radio interview with the delightful Rachel Kaub of radio station <a contents="KGLP" data-link-label="" data-link-type="url" href="https://www.kglp.org/">KGLP</a> in Gallup, New Mexico to promote the upcoming <a contents="Ancient Way Music Festival" data-link-label="" data-link-type="url" href="https://www.facebook.com/events/467724870643491/">Ancient Way Music Festival</a>, which features a whole bunch of talented performers and me. I will let you know when that becomes available for your listening pleasure or pain.</li> <li>Annie and I saw a skunk last night on our walk. We smell fine.</li>
</ul>
<p>Okay. I'm going to leave you with that. I'm going to really try to get another blog post out there next week, but this might have to fill the space for a while. The summer is going to be busy. I will do my best to keep you apprised.</p>
<p>So long from the sweet spot!</p>Matt Kollocktag:mattkollock.com,2005:Post/57463702019-05-07T17:08:24-06:002019-12-28T13:19:08-07:00I Am Not a Lyrics Person/I Am a Lyrics Person<p><img src="//d10j3mvrs1suex.cloudfront.net/u/331717/85330834f973718100775dbb998f86fcbb3eec71/original/i-am-not-a-lyrics-person-i-am-a-lyrics-person.png/!!/undefined/b:W1sic2l6ZSIsImxhcmdlIl1d.png" class="size_xl justify_center border_" />I can come up with chord progressions all day long. But that’s not songwriting. </p>
<p>By definition, a song is something that’s sung. You can’t sing a chord progression. In fact, it’s impossible. I know because I’ve tried. </p>
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<p>Back in the days before I got serious about songwriting, I would generate chord progressions, sometimes stringing two or three of them together. I would refer to these as “songs” and then never do anything with them again. I lacked confidence in my ability to create melodies to add to the existing harmonic elements I had generated. And I especially lacked confidence in my ability to create lyrics. So I rested in the comfort of knowing that my “songs” had unlimited potential, giving myself permission to never finish them. </p>
<p>When you don’t finish writing songs, you don’t make yourself vulnerable to people’s reactions to them. No one can tell you your unfinished, unheard songs suck. I was stuck in that place for a while. And so I just played the same four original songs over and over again. I thought maybe someday I’d start going to open mics. Maybe someday I’d finish some more songs. Maybe someday I’d get serious about creating music again. Maybe. </p>
<p>I wanted to be creative. I wanted more than anything to be able to express myself. But I had ruled out music as an avenue for expression. I internalized all the shitty “practical” advice I had heard throughout my life from well-meaning, nonartistic people. I relegated music to the hobby category. It became a dessert I could only enjoy once I had finished eating all my vegetables. I was not happy. </p>
<p>So I decided I would see about being more creative. Finishing songs. Writing melodies and lyrics to go with the chord progressions. Doing the tough work that comes after the initial surge of <a contents="inspiration" data-link-label="" data-link-type="url" href="https://mattkollock.com/blogs/this-is-me-here-i-am/posts/inspiration-information">inspiration</a>. </p>
<p>I just needed to find some structure. I needed to find a way to create a process around songwriting. But that’s always been hard for me. </p>
<h4>Two Pies, Two Songs </h4>
<p>My friend Erin, who is one of the smartest, most impressive people in the universe, started making and baking pies as a project at the beginning of 2018. Hearing Erin talk about the pie-making process reminded me a lot of the songwriting process. Songs and pies are very similar, as it turns out. Maybe I’ll get into the similarities in an upcoming blog post, but I don’t want to digress too far here. </p>
<p>Erin revealed that her goal was to make two pies each month. That really resonated with me. I realized that I should attach a number and a goal to the songwriting process if I wanted to be successful. I determined that I would attempt to write two songs each month, one for each pie my friend made. </p>
<p>As former Milwaukee Bucks All-Star forward and current commentator Marques Johnson might say, this realization was “<a contents="revelatorious" data-link-label="" data-link-type="url" href="https://twitter.com/olskool888/status/1125740371516870656">revelatorious</a>.” Working with a nebulous, general goal of creating more was not going to produce any results. But working with the goal of writing two songs per month might actually get me somewhere desirable. </p>
<p>One song a week would have been too much; it just takes me longer than that to write satisfactory stuff; I would have ended up with a pile of shitty songs. One song a month would have been too little; I needed to get a lot more songs under my belt if I wanted to start playing shows and becoming known as a songwriter. Two songs every 30 days or so seemed just right. </p>
<p>I ate a slice of delicious pie and got to work. It was easy at first. Chord progressions came together as easily as they had in the past, but with a new sense of urgency. Old ideas were resurrected and given new life. I didn’t waste time. I worked with purpose. I even started getting good at creating melodies and cadences. But then I had to think about writing lyrics. And I am not a lyrics person. </p>
<h4>What's That About? What's That About? </h4>
<p>I wanted to write meaningful songs. I wanted to write songs that were <em>about</em> something. But it’s really hard to determine what a song is about if it contains no lyrics. Definitely above my pay grade. I needed to find words to sing. And they could not just be any old words. I wanted my songs to matter, and I wanted to be able to feel something real when singing the words. </p>
<p>One of the issues is I generally don’t give a shit about lyrics when listening to music. I really only care if a shitty lyric stands out. I dislike cliches strongly unless they are used cleverly or ironically. I don’t like it when people use easy, “fire-desire” rhymes. Stuff like that. If you are a lyricist and you avoid those things, you are a master writer of songs in my book. I mean, sure, I recognize when someone is particularly masterful at writing lyrics. But I also recognize that a lot of my idols probably tossed off a lot of their lyrics minutes before entering the vocal booth to sing them. Whatever. Just don’t embarrass me; I’ll be paying attention to the drums and dynamics, mostly. </p>
<p>Yeah, I know – this is weird. I am in many respects a word-based individual. I am also a music-based individual. So you might expect that I would combine my bases into a strong interest in lyric writing. NOPE! </p>
<p>And yet… </p>
<p>I was coming up with chord progressions. I was getting close to finishing songs. But the clock started ticking once I decided to finish two songs each month. I had to figure out how to write lyrics. </p>
<p>So I became a lyrics person. </p>
<h4>I Really Don’t Know if My Words Are Any Good </h4>
<p>Truly. But I’m happy to have written them. I stand behind them. I feel good about singing them. I feel like they are pretty much free of the shit that makes me wince when I hear lyrics that rub me the wrong way. </p>
<p>I don’t receive a lot of feedback on my lyrics, though. So I really have no idea if I’m connecting. I mean, it’s going to be a struggle because I am not a storyteller. I don’t write about identifiable characters, really. Yeah, I have choruses and refrains, and I use recognizable English-language words. But I’m definitely on the abstract, impressionistic side of things when it comes to my lyrics. I think there’s some wisdom in my songs, and I feel like I’m sharing a lot, actually, and being quite vulnerable. But is it coming across? Could I be more open and vulnerable? I don’t know, but I think I’m always going to try to be more expressive and truthful. </p>
<p>Thanks to the two-songs-per-month goal I established, I wrote quite a few new tunes last year. I’ve played all of them numerous times, and I’m happy to say I don’t feel embarrassed by my lyrics. I can find the passion in them. I feel confident that they go well with the chord progressions, rhythms and melodies I’ve written. They express my deepest feelings and reveal details of my most meaningful experiences. They come from the place where emotion and intellect intersect. Or at least that’s how I feel when I sing them. </p>
<p>But I feel like I can do better. I <em>am</em> a lyrics person now. I have become a bonafide singer/songwriter. There is no excuse to not keep trying to do better. Mostly, I am happy to simply finish writing the lyrics to a song and feel good about them being adequate. But I want to keep striving for the perfect lyrics for each tune. I have not gotten there yet. I may never get there. I don’t know if that’s even the point; the point may be to just keep trying. Yeah, I’m pretty sure that’s it. </p>
<p>I am always writing down little phrases and chunks of potential lyrics. I have even begun to write songs with the lyrics in mind first. In the old days, I would save them for last, and I would dread the process of writing them. Now they just kind of show up, so that’s cool. Sometimes they wait until I’m done with the music. Sometimes they arrive in my head with their own suggestions for the music. Other times they remain elusive until the 11th hour when I am desperate to just finish the goddamn song. </p>
<p>I am even starting to pay attention to the lyrics other people write. And I am getting my mind blown quite regularly. And when I consider my lyrics in the context of what I think are good lyrics written by others, I don’t feel so bad about what I’ve accomplished. </p>
<p>So yeah. I guess I really am a lyrics person now. Damn. </p>
<h4>Wanna See My Words? </h4>
<p>While I’m still not quite 100% sure if my lyrics are any good, I am unafraid of sharing them. One of these days I think I’m going to make a place for them on my website. That’ll be cool. But in the meantime, if you’re curious at all about my lyrics, let me know and I’d be happy to share them with you. I might not be willing to tell you what any of my songs are “about,” specifically, but I’ll share the lyrics with you. Just let me know.</p>Matt Kollocktag:mattkollock.com,2005:Post/57133372019-04-09T14:53:45-06:002019-12-28T13:20:19-07:00My Pre-Show Routine for Success, Good Fortune, Maximum Virility and Minimum Shenaniganery<p><img src="//d10j3mvrs1suex.cloudfront.net/u/331717/7cae05334965e483ab9e456dadce876e081c58dc/original/untitled-design-1.png/!!/undefined/b:W1sic2l6ZSIsImxhcmdlIl1d.png" class="size_xl justify_center border_" />I was staring at this white screen wondering what I should blog about today. It’s Tuesday and the blog Gods demand new content. Then I remembered reading <a data-link-label="" data-link-type="url" href="http://www.espn.com/nba/story/_/id/26473393/giannis-antetokounmpo-carefully-scripted-pregame-routines">this fascinating article</a> all about Giannis Antetokounmpo’s pregame routine as I was lying in bed this morning, which led me to the idea of writing about <em>my</em> pre-show routine.</p>
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<p>What follows is a completely accurate, unembellished account of what my day looked like this past Saturday, April 6th, 2019, as I prepared for a performance at Albuquerque’s <a data-link-label="" data-link-type="url" href="https://reddoorbrewing.com/">Red Door Brewing Company</a> Candelaria Road location. </p>
<h4><strong>Stuff Matt Kollock Does Before a Gig </strong></h4>
<p><strong>7:00 am –</strong> Thrash about in bed as the morning light becomes undeniable and I navigate my way through another terrifying nightmare while trying desperately to acquire dream-time lucidity. This is a weird time of day for me. But those dreams fuel my songs, so I try to accept them. </p>
<p><strong>7:15 am –</strong> Ease back into deep R.E.M. sleep for another 75 minutes. No dreams. Only restoration. </p>
<p><strong>8:30 am –</strong> Wake up. Open the blinds. Start worrying about my ability to remember song lyrics. Drink some water. Drink some more water. Wonder if I have enough time to prepare properly, get some exercise, eat a decent meal or two and get to the venue with sufficient time to set up. </p>
<p><strong>9:10 am –</strong> Start making breakfast. Realize the Bucks are playing at 3:00 pm against the Brooklyn Nets. Wonder if I have time to watch the game live. Rearrange schedule to accommodate watching the Bucks play live. </p>
<p><strong>9:40 am –</strong> Begin wondering if I’m drinking too much coffee to be properly hydrated. Say, “fuck it.” Drink more coffee. Add the kale to the breakfast and get the eggs out. </p>
<p><strong>9:45 am –</strong> Feel a flash of excitement about the two new songs I’ll be playing (“The Noticer” and “Picture of the Perfect Day”). </p>
<p><strong>9:46 am –</strong> Feel a pang of dread about the two new songs I’ll be playing (“The Noticer” and “Picture of the Perfect Day”). </p>
<p><strong>10:00 am –</strong> Sit down to eat and enjoy breakfast. Eggs, bacon, kale, sweet potatoes, Brussels sprouts, cauliflower and lots of hot sauce. Listen to <a data-link-label="" data-link-type="url" href="https://open.spotify.com/user/223c6gl2uhn4ay74v6fmxxw6y/playlist/1sJEEBRL4Ll3qPLRyMXXwK?si=NSRNUsw0QBq-xQvqNUCa9Q">a groovy playlist on Spotify</a>. </p>
<p><strong>10:10 am –</strong> Look at the set list for that night’s show while enjoying breakfast and sipping more coffee. Realize I have three songs in a row in the same key. No good! Rearrange set list. Consider adding more hot sauce to breakfast. Decide against it. </p>
<p><strong>10:30 am –</strong> Push breakfast bowl aside. Dick around on the internet, reading Twitter, scrolling through Facebook and realizing I should probably do some eleventh-hour show promotion, so I start doing that. </p>
<p><strong>10:35 am – </strong>Fall down an internet rabbit hole of <em>Game of Thrones</em>-related content. </p>
<p><strong>11:00 am –</strong> Emerge from rabbit hole. Curse self. Fall down an internet rabbit hole of Milwaukee Bucks-related content. Wonder if they’ll be able to achieve 60 wins this season. </p>
<p><strong>11:15 am –</strong> Emerge from rabbit hole. Curse self. Finish promoting show. </p>
<p><strong>11:20 am –</strong> Begin the day’s journal entry in Evernote. Look at journal entries from the previous year. Sit in awe of how much has changed and how much remains the same. </p>
<p><strong>11:30 am –</strong> Finish journaling. Dick around online some more. Realize I need to wash dishes, practice music, shower, exercise, stretch and do all sorts of other shit before 3:00 pm so I can watch the Bucks. </p>
<p><strong>12:00 pm –</strong> Congratulate sun on reaching its position at the midpoint of the sky. Strip naked. Perform ritualistic dance in backyard. Apologize to neighbors. Worry about how my voice is going to sound later. </p>
<p><strong>12:30 pm –</strong> Get some practice time in. Run through the potentially problematic songs on the set list. Try to remember breath support and proper placement of vocals. Try to remember to stay relaxed and present. Try to remember to stay tuned to the emotional aspects of the songs, which is where the magic and enthusiasm comes from. Wonder if anybody is going to show up. </p>
<p><strong>1:15 pm –</strong> Look at Facebook Event for the evening’s show. Wonder if the people who say they’re going will actually go. Start brainstorming ideas to get people to attend more shows. Recognize that I’m not competing with other musicians or even other events in the city; I am competing with Netflix and the considerable comforts of people’s homes. So I need to do better at enticing people who, justifiably, would rather stay home to binge <em>The OA</em> with a bottle of wine, some cannabis and some friends or whatever than travel to a brewery taproom located in a somewhat undesirable section of town to listen to some guy they don’t know play songs with which they are completely unfamiliar. Realize this is the challenge. Feel comfortable rising to it. Realize it’s too late to implement any cool new ideas for tonight’s show. Practice songs for a little while longer. </p>
<p><strong>2:00 pm –</strong> Get in the shower. Practice “wow-wow-wow” vocal warmups in the shower. Practice Jason Mantzoukas and Al Pacino impressions. Get out of the shower. Meditate. Go for a walk through the bosque really fast to ensure a 3:00 pm arrival back home. </p>
<p><strong>3:00 pm –</strong> Turn on television. Watch Milwaukee Bucks lose, frustratingly, to the Brooklyn Nets. Practice more vocal warmups (lip bubbles, falsetto slides, yahs, yays, scales, etc.) during halftime. Keep fingers limber on the guitar neck. </p>
<p><strong>5:30 pm –</strong> Throw wallet at TV out of frustration. Get over it quickly. Realize I need to change my strings, change my clothes, pack all my shit and eat something. Decide that I’ll just have snacks and then eat later at the venue, which has a really good BLAT (bacon, lettuce, avocado and tomato) sandwich I love. Get to work changing strings. Worry more about show attendance and my ability to perform at a high level. </p>
<p><strong>5:45 pm – </strong>Welcome <a data-link-label="" data-link-type="url" href="https://www.mariposastrategies.com/">Annie</a> home and talk to her about her outstanding day. Start to feel anxiety about being able to leave in an hour. Watch as anxiety manifests into a nine-foot-tall shadowy beast with fangs and horns and a terrifying growl. Remember that the anxiety is not me. Remember that fighting it is ineffective. Remember to love the anxiety, acknowledge it, shake its hand and fearlessly send it on its way. Watch as the anxiety reacts in confusion, having expected to get into fisticuffs with me. </p>
<p><strong>6:30 pm –</strong> Start swearing at the big bag I use to carry my lights, cables, mics and other odds and ends. Wonder why I can no longer zip it completely when it contains the same amount of stuff as it did the other day when I oversaw a successful packing trial run. Rearrange some shit and get the thing zipped up. Change clothes. Start feeling anxious again. Remember to breathe deeply. </p>
<p><strong>6:50 pm –</strong> Leave house with Annie, feeling pretty good about being only five minutes late compared to my ideal departure time. Worry about whether I’ve packed everything. Worry about my voice holding up. Worry about breaking strings. Worry about being able to set up, eat dinner, have a decent sound check and get into the performance groove by 8:00 pm. </p>
<p><strong>7:00 pm –</strong> Arrive at venue one hour before show time. Load gear into venue. Talk to person in charge. Ask Annie to order food. Start unpacking shit. </p>
<p><strong>7:20 pm –</strong> Start eating BLAT while I watch the time elapse. Stuff my face with ketchup-drenched French fries. Swig some water and beer. Worry about having to burp excessively while performing music. Wonder how I’m going to be able to help Annie eat the giant hamburger she ordered. Realize that I’m actually not all that hungry. Get back to setting up. </p>
<p><strong>7:55 pm – </strong>Find myself feeling pretty pleased with my setup. Perform a sound check with “<a data-link-label="" data-link-type="url" href="https://youtu.be/qB9yKgVuSHc">Beach Body: European Suit (Without a Hat)</a>.” Feel good about how things sound. Wish I had a few more minutes to meditate and get into the proper groovy headspace. Accept reality. Use the bathroom. Do some more lip bubbles. </p>
<p><strong>8:05 pm –</strong> Wonder why it took so long to just use the bathroom, tune up and have another sip of beer. Check the microphone. Wait for the bar staff to turn the music down. Wonder if the people there to watch the Final Four will dig my music. Wonder if anyone I invited will show up. Let go of all that. Start playing “<a data-link-label="" data-link-type="url" href="https://youtu.be/FITKCE_XuzA">Dream Traffic</a>.” Start feeling at home. </p>
<h4><strong>I Heart Show Days! </strong></h4>
<p>So there you go. That’s a pretty typical show-day routine for me. This particular gig went pretty well. I relaxed into a pretty comfortable groove and played my songs confidently. I forgot very few lyrics. My right hand performed admirably. The left followed instructions diligently. My voice produced the pitches and tones I demanded from it without excessive strain. </p>
<p>It was kind of a slow night, but I think the people who attended enjoyed my music. </p>
<p>As I wrote this, I noticed that there was a lot of time spent worrying and feeling anxious. In many ways, the worry and anxiety drive me to do what I do as well as I can do it. But it’s also a real albatross sometimes. So I guess I’ll work on that. Finding the right balance and stuff. </p>
<p>What do you think of this routine? Any suggestions? What about you musicians – what does your pre-show routine look like? Leave a comment or whatever. Thanks!</p>Matt Kollocktag:mattkollock.com,2005:Post/56958962019-03-26T19:12:57-06:002019-12-28T13:21:14-07:00A Conversation Between the Universe and Me<p><img src="//d10j3mvrs1suex.cloudfront.net/u/331717/c7cc57f26e93602536c601584a6790da477929ba/original/21930318-8def-47ce-a78e-0965c4fb9049.jpeg/!!/undefined/b:W1sic2l6ZSIsImxhcmdlIl1d.jpeg" class="size_xl justify_center border_" /></p>
<p>Hi there and thank you for checking out the Matt Kollock blog! It’s been a minute, so I’m happy to be back on track with this thing. I was just gonna take one week off, and then a whole damn month passed. Shit.</p>
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<p>Anyway, here I am with something to say again. </p>
<p>Recently, I’ve been feeling a little down in the dumps about stuff. A lot of it is because I’m bipolar, and that’s just the deal. But it also has a lot to do with my efforts to create my middle-class music career. </p>
<p>I’ve been putting lots and lots of pressure on myself, which has brought me quite far in the year or so since I decided to make playing music for people a thing in my life. The pressure has also made it difficult for me to maintain my presence within the music. It has not been as fun over the last few weeks or so, and that’s because I’ve been way too hard on myself with unreasonable expectations and stuff. </p>
<p>I just celebrated the one-year anniversary of the open mic appearance that kicked this whole endeavor off. Now I’m playing out regularly and people are paying me money to do so. I have fans. I have a website. I have a shitload of original songs and a bunch of cool equipment. I have important connections and relationships I didn’t have a year ago. I’m about to record some shit. I was just <a contents="nominated as Albuquerque’s best songwriter(!)" data-link-label="" data-link-type="url" href="https://alibi.com/feature/57813/Best-of-Burque-Music-2019-Voting-Is-Underway.html">nominated as Albuquerque’s best songwriter(!)</a>.So things are going really, really well. </p>
<p>But I’ve been feeling like I’ve hit a wall. Diminishing returns. People who hire musicians for things are not responding to my attempts at contacting them. And I’ve been playing to a lot of rooms inhabited solely by the people who are paid to be there. It’s good practice for building character, practicing my craft and ensuring that my name is continuously attached to events of potential interest to the public. But I started feeling like the “meh” reaction to what I’ve been doing is an actual reflection on what I do. I know it’s not, and yet I can’t shake the feeling. </p>
<p>So yeah, things are going great, and yet there is this feeling like I’ve come to some kind of conclusion. That I’ve shaken all the fruit from this particular tree. Stuff like that. </p>
<h4>But Then A Breakthrough Happened! </h4>
<p>Indeed it did. </p>
<p>As you may know from reading this blog, I have been <a contents="working on improving my singing voice" data-link-label="" data-link-type="url" href="https://mattkollock.com/blogs/this-is-me-here-i-am/posts/giannis-and-the-voice">working on improving my singing voice</a>. It’s been going okay, but not great. The whole thing just hasn’t been clicking, no matter how hard I try. But then the other night on one of my cosmic journeys I finally understood the dual concepts of breath support and vocal placement. I found my voice! </p>
<p>Discovering my real voice was like finding a box of money. It felt so easy and effortless. Like a magic trick. Like returning home after a long, arduous journey. </p>
<p>Unfortunately, I have not been able to sustain my newly discovered vocal prowess. My deeply internalized bad singing habits have been hard to discontinue. And that’s okay. This is how it worked with my spiritual awakening four years ago, too; I experienced an extended period of complete nirvana, but then I had to start doing the actual work. Now I need to do the same with my voice. I know the prize. I know I am capable of achieving it. And I know what I’m going to do once that happens. </p>
<p>So that’s where I found myself the other day when I began a conversation with The Universe — feeling like I had reached the conclusion of something, and also feeling like it was time to hit the woodshed. </p>
<p>I feel like it’s a gift when you recognize the moment you stand at a crossroads. I am recognizing that moment now. It is time to remove the pressure and regroup. It is time to evaluate and reckon with the previous year of music while examining where I might go in the next one. It is time to hit the shed and kick my vocal lessons in the ass. It is time to consider how I might expand my audience and how I might involve other individuals in my endeavors. It is time to release the pressure. It is time to start watching the Milwaukee Bucks dominate the NBA playoffs. </p>
<p>I have decided to take a little bit of a break to catch my breath and survey the lay of the land. I mean, it won’t <i>actually</i> be a break; I’ve got gigs on the calendar and stuff. But I’m not going to try so damn hard to secure performance opportunities to perform in unpleasant environments to people whose most enthusiastic reaction is, “meh.” I can do better than that. So I’m going to put down the guitar for a minute, work on my voice and figure some shit out. </p>
<p>Actually, why don’t I stop writing about it and just reveal the conversation I had with The Universe? Yeah. That’s what I’ll do. Sorry (not sorry) for the woo-woo nature of this. That’s the kind of person I am. </p>
<h4>Me (To No One In Particular): I Need Some Help Figuring Shit Out! </h4>
<p><b>The Universe:</b> Hi! </p>
<p><b>Me:</b> Uh, hello? </p>
<p><b>The Universe:</b> Hey. It’s me. The Universe. I can tell you’re looking for some guidance right now, so I’m going to hit you up with some ideas and perspectives presented in a way you can easily understand and implement. </p>
<p><b>Me:</b> Well, you don’t have to be a dick about it. I mean, I’m a pretty smart guy. Don’t make me remind you that you don’t exist without me! </p>
<p><b>The Universe:</b> My bad, my bad! I just meant that I would be couching some of the stuff in sports and television analogies. You like that shit, right? </p>
<p><b>Me:</b> Oh. Yeah, totally. That’s cool. Okay. So what do you got for me? </p>
<p><b>The Universe:</b> Okay. Here goes. The rookie year of your new music career has concluded. You are now in your offseason. It’s time to start thinking about Season Two. Use the next several weeks to work on honing your craft and developing your aural/visual presentation. Go to the woodshed and emerge stronger. </p>
<p><b>Me:</b> Okay. But I have shows on the schedule. </p>
<p><b>The Universe:</b> That’s cool. Play those shows with the energy and enthusiasm you typically bring to the table. Just don’t actively book any new shows until after you’ve taken your craft and presentation to the next level. Then you can hit it hard in Season Two. </p>
<p><b>Me:</b> Is this, like, a sports analogy or a television analogy? </p>
<p><b>The Universe:</b> Yeah, I guess it’s kind of a combination of both. In television, the offseason is a time to retool, increase the budget, conceptualize the next season, add some new blood to the writer’s room and the cast. Stuff like that. In sports, the offseason is a time to rejuvenate and work on turning weaknesses into strengths. So use those models as guides for what you should be doing over the next several weeks. </p>
<p><b>Me:</b> Okay. That’s cool. How do I let people know about what’s happening? </p>
<p><b>The Universe:</b> Post about it on social media. Actually, you should publish a blog post about it on Tuesday, March 26th, 2019. Then you can hit social media and stuff with it. That way you can point people to the blog for a full explanation. Feel free to use this conversation. You’re transcribing this, right? </p>
<p><b>Me:</b> Of course! </p>
<p><b>The Universe:</b> Cool. How does this feel? </p>
<p><b>Me:</b> Groovy. I mean, wait; it kind of feels shitty. Are you sure this is what I’m supposed to do? </p>
<p><b>The Universe:</b> Yes. And you know it. You’ve been feeling this coming on. It’s a natural time to break and regroup. It’s kind of like you just got knocked out of the first round of the playoffs, which is obviously disappointing. But you made it to the playoffs, which exceeded expectations, and the future looks very bright. But it all depends on how things go in the woodshed over the next several weeks. </p>
<p><b>Me:</b> Got it. That makes sense. And yeah, I have been feeling the need to release the pressure I’ve been putting on myself. I want to spend time working on my singing voice. I’ve experienced some breakthroughs recently, and I’m super excited about what I’m going to be able to do once I’m able to integrate a better vocal technique into my performances. I feel like I really need to focus on that and reemerge a better, more confident and commanding singer. I mean, honestly I want to be nothing short of incandescent and undeniable as a music maker. I can see how taking this time will help with that. You keep mentioning “several weeks.” What do you mean by that? How long will I need to take, for real? </p>
<p><b>The Universe:</b> I think you’ll be transformed and ready for Season Two in about 90 days. Like I said, play your scheduled gigs and play them well. But work your ass off for the next 90 days and you’ll be better than ever, making it much easier for you to book gigs and feel confident about your ability to record your songs in a manner that produces the ideal results you have envisioned. Today is March 22nd, so let’s say June 22nd is the date on which you emerge from the shed. That’s cool because it’s about a year after your first paid performance in your singer/songwriter configuration. But don’t wait until then to start booking more shows. Start reaching out again on June 1st, okay? </p>
<p><b>Me:</b> Cool. That sounds great. I don’t feel 100% comfortable with this, but I trust you and I can see how it would help me out in the long run. I am worried about losing momentum, but better to lose a little bit now in the early stages of the game so I can be stronger in the middle and later stages. You’re so smart! </p>
<p><b>The Universe:</b> I know. It’s because I am the sum total of everything. So yeah. I have the knowledge. </p>
<p><b>Me:</b> Nice. Anything else? </p>
<p><b>The Universe:</b> Not really. Just put in the work and you’ll be fine. You’ll be glad you did it. Trust me. Oh yeah, another thing — can you try to get some exercise? </p>
<p><b>Me:</b> Yeah, I’ll try. I feel like I don’t have time for it right now, but that’s how it always feels when I’m out of a regular exercise routine. And I know it will help immeasurably in other areas of my life, enhancing my music and everything else. Bringing me more confidence. Extending my energy and my life force. All that. So yeah. I’ll try. </p>
<p><b>The Universe:</b> Excellent! Let’s check back in with each other in about a month to see how everything is going. Sound good? </p>
<p><b>Me:</b> Sounds good! </p>
<h4><strong>I Will Keep You Posted </strong></h4>
<p>I’m going to watch the final regular-season matchup between the Houston Rockets and Milwaukee Bucks now. It’s a battle between the two leading MVP candidates this season — Giannis Antetokounmpo of the Bucks and James Harden of the Rockets. Obviously, I am a Giannis guy, but Harden makes a terrific villain. This could be the matchup in the Finals, so it’s very exciting. </p>
<p>But you don’t care about that. You’re here for my story, and I really appreciate that. I’m so grateful. I don’t want to let you down. So I’m going to keep working on getting better, and I will keep you posted on my developments. I think blogging is a great way to connect with you, so I’m going to keep up with that. I don’t think it’s a coincidence that my down-in-the-dumps feelings occurred during the same time frame of my blog inactivity. So please watch this space. I’m going to try to post something cool every Tuesday. </p>
<p>I also have <a contents="shows" data-link-label="Shows" data-link-type="page" href="/shows">shows</a> coming up! April 4th I’ll be at Red Velvet Underground. And then on April 6th I’ll be performing at Red Door Brewing Company’s Candelaria location. The big one is happening on April 20th — I’m hosting the Red Door Spring Singer/Songwriter Festival at Red Door Candelaria. Yes, I know. It’s 4/20. But this show does not (officially) have any association with the kinds of things people are known to do in celebration of that date. Just do your thing discreetly in the parking lot, okay? </p>
<p>So yeah. I’ll be in touch. Thanks!</p>Matt Kollocktag:mattkollock.com,2005:Post/56188902019-01-29T19:15:30-07:002019-12-28T13:24:26-07:00Mindfulness, Meditation, Music and Me<p><img src="//d10j3mvrs1suex.cloudfront.net/u/331717/3118417dbd8a1511efc2cd936fd4722b57517837/original/8d3cbb26-4404-4136-b4f6-cbe8093ca6a3.jpeg/!!/undefined/b:W1sic2l6ZSIsImxhcmdlIl1d.jpeg" class="size_xl justify_center border_" />I meditate every single day. </p>
<p>Some days I only sit for a few minutes. For example, the other night I realized it was 11:55 pm and I had not meditated that day. So I did a quick three-minute sit. Whew! Other days I engage in multiple sessions of 20+ minutes. Occasionally I’ll sit and watch my breath for more than an hour.</p>
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<p>Right now I’m on a streak of 569 days. Before that, I was on a streak of 555 days. I know this because I use the <a contents="Insight Timer" data-link-label="" data-link-type="url" href="https://insighttimer.com/">Insight Timer</a> meditation app, which keeps track of that kind of stuff. Keeping up with streaks like this is a good way to trick the ego into engaging in a process that diminishes its power. Which is a good thing if you’re a person like me. </p>
<p>Meditation is just one aspect of the mindfulness practice I started developing for myself about three and a half years ago. The real work happens in the real world. Trying to be mindful and present with the people in my life. Being mindful and present with work. Being mindful and present at the grocery store, in traffic, on hold or waiting in line. Being mindful and present while I’m just sitting here feeling bored. </p>
<p>Since I’ve been working out my mental muscles mindfully, I notice lots of crazy shit about myself and the reality around me. Stuff I would not have noticed before I started doing the mindfulness thing. </p>
<p>I notice my thoughts and emotions. I realize that my thoughts are just brain secretions that don’t actually define me. They come and go. I don’t have to be involved. I listen more attentively. I have more awareness about my surroundings. I catch things before they hit the ground — sometimes literally. I also have more compassion, gratitude and empathy. I’m more flexible, psychologically. And I get more done. </p>
<h4>Finding My Place in the Music </h4>
<p>My current levels of ambition, musical and otherwise, would not be possible without a mindfulness practice. For me, it means meditating every day. It means always returning to awareness. It means being present in all situations. It means striving to be more conscious and in the music. </p>
<p>Sometimes when I’m playing, my mind will be elsewhere. Figuring out how much time is left in my set. Making mental to-do lists. Thinking about dinner. Thinking about breakfast. Watching sporting events on the televisions the venues refuse to turn off during live performances. Considering the likelihood that the Milwaukee Bucks will re sign Khris Middleton in the offseason. Stuff like that. Then I notice that I’ve left the music unattended. So I go back into it, which benefits the performance considerably. I’m getting better at this. There’s a reason it’s called a practice. </p>
<p>Mindfulness has allowed me to question and debunk the false notion that a successful music career is unobtainable for someone like me. It has allowed me to make music and create for the sake of making music and creating. It has allowed me to tune in more clearly to my most authentic self. It has allowed me to identify my true values and how to live a life more closely aligned with them. </p>
<p>And now most of my music is about mindfulness in some way or another. A lot of it is about the psychedelic realm, which is a place I visit occasionally in my mindful journeys. A lot of it is about non duality and the illusion of separation, which are ideas that become clear through the practice of mindfulness. A lot of it is about the fear of death, which is something I have conquered through mindfulness. I used to want to die, but I was afraid of death. Now I’m excited to live and I have no fear of death. Which helps me write songs and play them for the nice people. Fascinating! </p>
<h4>The Shift, the Struggle and the Reward </h4>
<p>I used to be the last person you would suspect was a meditator. I was an angry atheist. Cynical. Misanthropic. Self sabotaging. My whole belief system was entirely oppositional and defiant. I could be kind of a jerk. I was sure I had everything and everyone figured out. In my mind, I was not the one with the issues. No, I was cool. Everybody else was the asshole. </p>
<p>To get to where I am now, I had to go through some things. I had to hit my personal rock bottom. I don’t feel like getting into that here. But <a contents="here’s a podcast" data-link-label="" data-link-type="url" href="http://simplywoke.com/new-life-after-ego-death/">here’s a podcast</a> you can listen to to hear my story. </p>
<p>To come back to music, I had to let go of “musician,” “guitarist” and “<a contents="songwriter" data-link-label="" data-link-type="url" href="https://mattkollock.com/blogs/this-is-me-here-i-am/posts/25-ways-to-become-a-better-songwriter">songwriter</a>” as identities. I stopped being a musician and a guitarist and started being a person who plays music, often on the guitar. I stopped being a songwriter and became a person who writes songs. I am not anything but a cosmic consciousness living in an organic space suit. What I am has nothing to do with what I do. But what I do is informed entirely by what I am. And everything is everything. All that woo-woo hippy shit is the real shit. Sorry not sorry. </p>
<p>All this stuff is not easy. It’s a struggle sometimes. I am not some kind of glowing, beaming beacon of magical awareness and presence. I am not some kind of supernaturally enlightened Zen master or Bodhisattva. I still get pissed off about stupid shit. I still have neuroses and sensitivities that get the best of me. But I know how to deal with them more effectively now. I can step back and notice them. I don’t feel compelled to honor them or let them take control of my actions. I flow with what is. I don’t fight against the current. I accept reality in all its simultaneous terribleness and bliss. The whole enchilada. And I love enchiladas! </p>
<p>To get to where I’m going, I have no choice but to start from where I am right now in this moment. So I’m not going to complain about this moment or list the reasons why certain aspects of reality are unfair. I’m not going to wait for the ideal conditions to present themselves. Here I am. Let’s go. </p>
<h4>Now What? </h4>
<p>Mindfulness is my number-one deal. My daily meditation practice is essential. Music is up there, but it is not as important as the mindfulness. The music is secondary. The truth is that there would be no Matt Kollock music without Matt Kollock mindfulness! </p>
<p>Now I need to continue the practice. I need to notice when I start identifying as a certain thing. Like, I am not an “Albuquerque Singer Songwriter.” No, I am a human being who lives in Albuquerque, writes songs and sings them. It’s a thing I do, not who I am. </p>
<p>I am working on filling out my calendar with live gigs. This requires me to interact with people who might hurt my very sensitive feelings. It’s easy to maintain my place inside a peaceful bubble of mindful awareness when I make most of my music at home in the privacy of my own dwelling. But that’s not an option anymore. I need to go out there and mix it up. And that means dealing with other people. So I have to be mindful, present and aware. I have to let my feelings and emotions come and go as they will without getting caught up in them. </p>
<p>So that’s what I’m going to try to do. Mindfully. In presence with the moment. Here. </p>
<h4>Do You Even Meditate, Bruh? </h4>
<p>What about you? Do you have a meditation/mindfulness practice? Have you tried meditation and it just didn’t stick? Does mindfulness have any relationship to your creativity? </p>
<p>If you want to talk about mindfulness, meditation, music or various other “M” topics, I invite you to leave a comment below or email me at matt@mattkollock.com. I would love to hear from you!</p>Matt Kollocktag:mattkollock.com,2005:Post/56080812019-01-22T21:00:00-07:002019-12-28T13:24:48-07:0025 Ways to Become a Better Songwriter<p><img src="//d10j3mvrs1suex.cloudfront.net/u/331717/451c53938f66759cea5989dc0715d9e486ee15da/original/fullsizeoutput-1209.jpeg/!!/undefined/b:W1sic2l6ZSIsImxhcmdlIl1d.jpeg" class="size_xl justify_center border_" /></p>
<p>Look at me back up on my songwriting horse! </p>
<p>Last year — 2018 — I challenged myself to write two songs each month. I was ahead of schedule for most of the year. But then somewhere around the middle of August I just kind of stopped and forgot how to do it.</p>
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<p>I ended up writing 21 new songs in 2018, and I consider my output to be a smashing success, even though I finished the year a few tunes short of my goal. </p>
<p>My songwriting slump is finally in the rear view, and 2019 has gotten off to a great start. At the time of this writing, I’ve completed one new song (“Meadowlark Lemon”) and I have two (thus far untitled) songs nearing completion. </p>
<p>I think my songs are pretty good, too. I mean, I’m happy with them and other people seem to dig them. And if they aren’t any good, well, the next 21 songs will almost certainly be better. </p>
<p>Now that I’ve emerged from my slump, I’ve spent some time reflecting on what it means to be a successful songwriter. I’m not talking about making lots of money or anything; I’m just talking about being consistent, productive and proud of one’s work. </p>
<p>I came up with 25 pieces of advice for myself so I can avoid slumping again. And now I’m going to share them with you. </p>
<h4>
<strong>#1 — Don’t Be So Precious About It</strong> </h4>
<p>If I had to choose a single piece of advice or wisdom to share with creative people, this would be it. Stop trying to create masterpieces; just create. Stop trying to create capital-I “Important” works; just create. Stop waiting for the perfect set of conditions to present itself; just create. </p>
<p>I rarely wrote songs prior to 2018 because I was way too goddamn precious about the process. So I had to stop caring so much. I had to stop putting the songs on pedestals before they were even 10% completed. I realized that if I was going to write two songs each month, I had to just write them. Go to the widget factory. Make the widgets. Go home. Go back to the widget factory to make more widgets the next day. And so on. </p>
<p>Yes, I care a lot about the songs I write. But I no longer care so much that I convince myself I’m not worthy of the privilege to write them. Does that make sense? </p>
<h4>#2 — Inspiration, Shminspiration </h4>
<p>One of the things people do when they are feeling particularly precious about their art is wait for inspiration to strike before taking action. So they never take action. </p>
<p>Sometimes you just have to sit down and write the damn thing, regardless of whether you’re feeling inspired or not. </p>
<h4>#3 — Schedule the Time </h4>
<p>If you wait for the ideal set of conditions to present itself, it will never present itself. </p>
<p>Pull out your phone, go to your calendar app and block out time strictly for songwriting. Protect that time. And try not to spend it scrolling through Twitter and getting pissed off. If you realize you’ve spent 45 minutes of your protected songwriting hour looking at Twitter (or Facebook or Instagram or LinkedIn) getting pissed off, use your final 15 minutes to start writing a song about how you get pissed off when you spend 45 minutes looking at social media stuff while you should be doing something else. It’s all grist for the mill! </p>
<h4>#4 — Stop Trying to Make the Definitive Musical Statement About Whatever Topic </h4>
<p>Too many would-be songwriters waste their time pouring everything into one song as their definitive statement of purpose. Successful songwriters just write the song, and then they write the next one. And then they write the next one. Eventually, some of those songs become “signature” pieces, or they tell a particular story better than any other song has.</p>
<p>It’s not about writing the one amazing masterpiece that will make you a household name; it’s about creating a body of work that’s as complex, diverse, contradictory, provocative, banal, inspiring and human as the individual creating it. </p>
<h4>#5 — Write Tons of Songs </h4>
<p>Again — just keep writing! The best songwriters write constantly. For every song on your favorite album, there are probably two or three that were discarded. The more songs you have, the more chances you have to connect with people. And if you’re not precious about your songs, you won’t be hurt by the fact that some of them just don’t seem to work. </p>
<h4>#6 — Copy Other People’s Songs </h4>
<p>This is a great place to start! If you like a certain groove, feel, structure, chord progression, melody or some other element, <a contents="steal it" data-link-label="" data-link-type="url" href="https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/13099738-steal-like-an-artist">steal it</a> and run it through the filter of your creativity and personality. Mess around with it. Try to isolate what you like about it and distill something useful out of it. </p>
<p>My song “<a contents="Beach Body: European Suit (Without a Hat)" data-link-label="" data-link-type="url" href="https://youtu.be/BhclV1fK-2c">Beach Body: European Suit (Without a Hat)</a>” began its life as a ripoff of “<a contents="Overkill" data-link-label="" data-link-type="url" href="https://open.spotify.com/track/3iA4foXIFpekwHyma7pRs1?si=Mhe62k6fSIiumCSDx92dpA">Overkill</a>” by Men at Work. It retains references to the band’s homeland of Australia as a sort of tribute. My song “<a contents="Don’t Be Afraid to Blow Your Mind" data-link-label="" data-link-type="url" href="https://youtu.be/5wb-MKRUUBQ">Don’t Be Afraid to Blow Your Mind</a>” comes from a reworking of Ivory Joe Hunter’s “<a contents="I Almost Lost My Mind" data-link-label="" data-link-type="url" href="https://open.spotify.com/track/3ckGmAALnmyX33H9Su0fRR?si=3t1Dj45_QCmkyQ3JhNvDzw">I Almost Lost My Mind</a>,” as performed by Albert King. </p>
<p>I could come up with several more examples. In each case, the new song I wrote sounds nothing like its original inspiration. I took existing songs and ran them through my Matt Kollock filter. And now I have these songs that I can call “original.” </p>
<h4>#7 — Just Write the Lyrics Down, Then Make Them Better </h4>
<p>I don’t know about you, but for me, lyric writing is the most difficult aspect of the songwriting process. Lyrics tend to be the last things I think about, and I usually spend way too much time trying to get them right. But when things are grooving and I’m feeling prolific with my craft, it’s usually when I decide to just write <i>something</i> down. Once I do that, I have something to perform and practice, which leads to reworking and restructuring the lyrics. Sometimes I throw out whole verses and choruses and replace them with new ones. Other times the initial lyrics stick. Just write something. Then you can rewrite it. </p>
<h4>#8 — Write, Write Some More and Then Rewrite </h4>
<p>Embrace what author <a contents="Anne Lamott" data-link-label="" data-link-type="url" href="https://www.goodreads.com/author/show/7113.Anne_Lamott">Anne Lamott</a> describes as the “shitty first draft.” Get it out of your system. Then rework it. It’s not just for lyrics. It could be for your melody or chord progression or any other element. Writing is rewriting. </p>
<h4>#9 — Make Decisions </h4>
<p>Don’t get yourself stuck wondering if you should go to D major or B minor. Just pick one. At its core, songwriting is nothing more than the act of cutting a path through a series of decision points. So make the decisions. And then correct them later, if necessary. </p>
<h4>#10 — Cut It Out </h4>
<p>Does your song really need to be six fucking minutes long? Probably not. Cut out a verse or two if you have to. Tighten up that bridge section. Try to eliminate anything that keeps you from getting to the main hook in a minute or less. </p>
<p>A lot of times I’ll write a first verse that’s really just me clearing my throat. So I’ll get rid of it. It’s hard to do, especially considering how difficult lyric writing can be, but it gets easier, and my songs are better for it. </p>
<p>If you’ve pruned your song effectively and it’s still six fucking minutes long, then it’s probably a pretty good six-minute song that earns its run time. </p>
<h4>#11 — Don’t Be So Sure You Know What the Song Is About </h4>
<p>One great way to get into a songwriting slump is to decide what a song is going to be about before you’ve written one note or a single lyric. This closes the creative valve completely. Just write the song. Let it be what it wants to be. </p>
<p>I’m still figuring out what some of my songs are about, and I think that’s okay. </p>
<h4>#12 — Don’t Be Afraid to Use Online Resources </h4>
<p>My top three? </p>
<ul> <li>
<a contents="Rhymezone.com" data-link-label="" data-link-type="url" href="https://www.rhymezone.com/">Rhymezone.com</a> </li> <li>
<a contents="Thesaurus.com" data-link-label="" data-link-type="url" href="https://www.thesaurus.com/">Thesaurus.com</a> </li> <li>
<a contents="Wikipedia.org" data-link-label="" data-link-type="url" href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Main_Page">Wikipedia.org</a> </li>
</ul>
<p>I use the shit out of these and I’m not afraid to admit it! </p>
<h4>#13 — Document Every Little Idea </h4>
<p style="text-align: center;"><i><b>“I write jokes for a living. I sit at my hotel at night, I think of something that's funny, then I go get a pen and I write it down. Or if the pen is too far away, I have to convince myself that what I thought of ain't funny.”</b> </i><b>-Mitch Hedberg</b> </p>
<p>This is something that separates successful artists from those who may be just as talented, but not as successful. When you get an idea, write it down. Save it for later. Don’t assume that you’ll remember it when you’re ready to sit down and write. You won’t remember it. I promise. Keep a notebook with you, or use the notes app on your phone. Build a habit. Create a personal database of little idea nuggets and you’ll increase your output considerably. </p>
<h4>#14 — Use Constraints </h4>
<p>If you approach songwriting with a complete blank slate where anything is possible, it’s going to be really hard to get any songs written. So start with some constraints. </p>
<p>For example, my song “<a contents="Wait to Walk into the Light" data-link-label="" data-link-type="url" href="https://youtu.be/6oJpiIYLc54">Wait to Walk into the Light</a>” came about because I assigned myself the challenge of writing a song with just two chords. And I wrote “The Dreams Inside of You” specifically to appeal to ad agencies and music supervisors for sync licensing. I wouldn’t have written those songs outside the constraints I placed on their creation. </p>
<h4>#15 — Change Instruments </h4>
<p>If you’re a guitar player, go sit at the piano. If you’re a pianist, pick up a trombone. Whatever. Changing your instrument changes the way you interface with the music, which changes your approach and causes you to generate different ideas. </p>
<p>I came up with the main idea for “<a contents="So Somber, So Serious" data-link-label="" data-link-type="url" href="https://youtu.be/uFLWWeZfDU8">So Somber, So Serious</a>” while I was messing around with the <a contents="Synth One app" data-link-label="" data-link-type="url" href="https://audiokitpro.com/synth/">Synth One app</a>. I don’t think I would have written that song using my traditional guitar-based approach. </p>
<p>You don’t even have to be that extreme. Maybe just use a <i>different</i> guitar. Or use a different tuning. I wrote the aforementioned “Wait to Walk into the Light” mostly on a crappy nylon-string acoustic guitar that rarely comes out of the case. And I was inspired to write three new songs in quick succession just by screwing around with open D tuning over the course of a month or so. </p>
<h4>#16 — Pay Attention! </h4>
<p>You can’t write lots of different songs if you keep writing the same song over and over again. I almost fell into this particular trap last year with a bunch of melancholy tunes all based around the A minor chord shape. Thankfully, I noticed the groove I had gotten myself into and climbed out. </p>
<h4>#17 — React to Your Previous Work </h4>
<p>When you’re mindful of the work you’re creating, you can avoid recreating it. You can also take the opportunity to react to what you’ve done. This ensures that you’re always working on something new and differently flavored. Notice what you’ve been doing and then do something else. </p>
<h4>#18 — Write with the TV On/Write in Silence </h4>
<p>Sometimes it’s cool to have the TV on in the background. It can inspire you with random words or phrases, and it can give you little bits of musical inspiration, too. It works for me! </p>
<p>But sometimes you just have to shut everything down and focus. So turn that shit off. </p>
<h4>#19 — Write Sober/Write Under the Influence </h4>
<p>Working sober helps you stay focused and productive. </p>
<p>But sometimes it’s cool to see what comes out when you’re not experiencing default consciousness. Just be careful and know your limits, friends. </p>
<p>A lot of my songs come from me sitting down at my desk with a workmanlike approach and the unsullied bloodstream of a Boy Scout. A lot of them come from… elsewhere. </p>
<h4>#20 — Understand Some Songs Will Take 10 Minutes to Write; Others May Take 10 Months or 10 Years </h4>
<p>Who knows why this is the way it is? But it is this way. And that’s okay. </p>
<h4>#21 — Be a Problem Solver </h4>
<p>My most-requested song, “<a contents="In Case of Emergency" data-link-label="" data-link-type="url" href="https://youtu.be/fmPxtnIg8IU">In Case of Emergency</a>,” was a real sonofabitch to write. I knew I had something good, but I got frustrated because I couldn’t figure out how to put it all together. So I decided to approach it not as a song, but as a series of problems to solve. Only then could I get the math right. So sometimes it pays to put on a different hat. Stop being a songwriter or a musician, and transform into a problem solver for a while. You’ll make some progress, I’m sure. </p>
<h4>#22 — Let Yourself Off the Hook </h4>
<p>There’s no rule that says you have to bring your old ideas to completion before you can start working on new ones. Work on the song you feel like working on now. Then you’ll have a much better chance of finishing it. Those old ideas will always be there. And if you never end up doing anything with them, that’s fine. Let them go. </p>
<h4>#23 — Take the Listener Somewhere </h4>
<p>Tell a story. Give some direction to your melody. Make your transitions seem like transportation. Spend some time in the relative minor/major key and then go back. Add a dramatic key change. Consider dynamics as part of the songwriting process. Stuff like that. Being unobtrusive is a cardinal songwriting sin. </p>
<p>It’s okay to drop people off where you picked them up, but at least take them on a ride. </p>
<h4>#24 — Honor the Song with an Enthusiastic Performance </h4>
<p>You wrote a song! That’s awesome! Truly. So give it the performance it deserves. Don’t consider it finished until you can perform it with energy, enthusiasm and heart. If you’re not feeling it, it’s not finished. </p>
<h4>#25 — Don’t Be Satisfied </h4>
<p>One day you may find yourself sitting on a repertoire of dozens of songs and you may feel as if you’ve built a complete body of work and that you can rest now. Don’t do that. </p>
<p>You can write more songs. Better songs. Songs that speak more truthfully about who you are and what your whole deal is. Your work is never finished. You have more ideas. You have more concepts. All that. So keep writing. And then write some more. </p>
<h4>What About You? </h4>
<p>Do you have any songwriting tips, tricks or pieces of wisdom to share? Agree or disagree with any of the nuggets I’ve laid out here? I would love to hear from you, so leave a comment below or send me an email or whatever. Thanks for reading! </p>
<p>I’m going to go work on this song now...</p>Matt Kollock