At long last!
I am finally releasing some new music, and I could not be more excited about it. “The Shame Shovel” is a song I’m really proud of, and it represents the beginning of a new era for me and my career as a musician.
Starting on Wednesday, April 17, 2024, the song will be available for streaming everywhere.
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A Big, Ugly Inflection Point
Yes, “The Shame Shovel” represents the first step on a new trail. But it also acknowledges some big, sad endings.
“The Shame Shovel” is the first song I wrote in the aftermath of becoming estranged from my family of origin back in 2021. I had been going through a period of intense personal distress, and numerous traumas from childhood had begun to reappear.
Unfortunately, revealing the nature of the traumas to my family backfired and they dismissed me. For real. And for good. Like I never existed.
Although my childhood may have seemed idyllic on the surface, it was characterized by neglect, abuse and trauma. My family’s choice to disown me instead of helping me heal and make sense of my childhood revealed to me that I was never really safe. Never really valued.
I was a source of shame. And I was made to feel ashamed.
And so, like the song says, now I’m shoveling my way out.
I Turned Their Awful Words into Something Beautiful
I wanted to make a big statement with the first song I wrote in the wake of estrangement.
I feel like “The Shame Shovel” really captures the confusion, anxiety and despair I associate with my family of origin these days. Its lyrics in the verses are pulled largely from real life, from actual, awful things said to me by people who were supposed to love me.
“I’m glad your father passed before you went crazy” was a real thing my mother told me, for example. In reference to the fact that my beloved dad died before these awakened traumas could inconvenience her and force her to cut ties with me forever. What the fuck??? What kind of person says that to their child?
Anyway, I took all my feelings and created something cool and beautiful. Something with big energy and a fair amount of ear candy to help the medicine go down. It’s about heavy stuff, yeah, but the song is light on its feet and full of hooks. It’s a feel-good rock ‘n’ roll number that comes and goes in less than two and half minutes. I’ve never made music like this before!
I started writing “The Shame Shovel” about three years ago. Recorded it two years ago. Now it has finally shoveled itself out of the Matt Kollock vault.
This is just the beginning. “The Shame Shovel” says a lot, but it doesn’t say it all. Consider it my opening statement. Stay tuned!
You can listen to “The Shame Shovel” wherever you stream your music starting on Wednesday April 17, 2024.
I hope you dig it!