The wind here in Albuquerque is scary today. It’s the kind of wind that does damage to property. It tends to be like this around here in the springtime. But, damn, I really don’t remember it being this intense.
Also, it just seems appropriate that the winds should be blowing this powerfully – violently – lately. This world! Am I right???
Gets me thinking about the winds of change. A corny cliche, yes. The winds of cheese is more like it.
But that’s just how the universe works. It worked this way when I was a good Christian boy. It worked this way when I was a staunch (and super annoying) atheist. It worked this way when I was a born-again awakened psychedelic wonderman. It still works this way today now that I’m…
What am I?
A Six-Year Cycle
It all started back in 2018. Annie and I were beginning to truly lay the foundation of our partnership. My beloved dad had died recently. Our cat Morris had died recently. It was a tough time, yes. But I was also feeling kind of frisky. Weirdly energized and kind of wildly optimistic.
And I needed a new way to be in the world. A new way to make money and help support my family. A new way to express myself. I needed to step up.
I felt like I had done quite a bit of growing up around that time. I was ready for new challenges. I felt ready to be perceived, and even judged. I also felt pretty sure I could make my life more rich and fulfilling, connect with more like-minded people and liberate my development out of its long arrested state.
During an evening of psychedelic journeying, it occurred to me that I didn’t need to introduce anything new into my life in order to start getting the kind of traction I was looking for. I just had to go back to the basics. Back to the source. Back to the stuff that has always fueled and inspired me. The stuff that has always kept me alive.
Mostly, I recognized that my best shot at achieving anything worthwhile in life had nothing to do with trying to be a responsible adult with a respectable job and all that bullshit. In fact, my best chance at the life I wanted – for me, for Annie, for everyone I cared about – would come from applying my energy fully toward a career as a musician.
So I started writing lots and lots of songs. I got my ass back up on stage and shook that little thing around. I found my voice. I discovered my gifts as a producer. I released some records.
And in the meantime, we survived a pandemic. And I became estranged from my family. The toxic family members, anyway. My music career took a bit of a hit. But I never stopped putting one foot in front of the other. I had new inspiration. Traumas from childhood were unearthed and unleashed, causing new traumas in the present.
I was hurting. But I was also building a new fire inside of myself. A more sustainable source of power. Thermodynamic. For my life, my partnerships, my values and, of course, this music career of mine.
During the downtime, I focused my creative energies on assembling a collection of emotional, fierce and brutally candid songs about my traumatic childhood, its affects on my adulthood – and the healing that has happened through therapy, honest self actualization and the act of finding the others.
And now I’m finally finished making the record.
I’m crawling back out of the cave. Reemerging. And the fire inside of me has joined forces with electricity. I feel like I can’t be stopped now.
It took six years to get to this point. From when I decided to dedicate my life to music with no Plan B to now. I’m on the edge of a new era. It’s really happening. I’m not scared anymore. I’m putting it all out there. And I’m really excited to tell you more about all this stuff.
But I can’t right now. Patience!!! There is a plan. There is a rollout happening. Sorry to be so cryptic. But this is my leveling up.
I’m glad you’re here.
What’s Going On?
So with all of the above in mind, here’s what’s going on in my world. I know it’s been a while!
More Than a Fresh Coat of Paint on mattkollock.com
As you may have noticed, my website, mattkollock.com, has undergone a redesign. I am grateful to my sweetie, the aforementioned and amazing Annie Sanchez, for getting the job done so nicely.
I needed a new look for the site. I needed it to be simpler and easier to navigate. And I needed to trim a lot of the content that didn’t necessarily vibe with this new era. I like it a lot now!
Of course, it’s a work in progress. Keep a tab with my website open in your browser, won’t you? Before long, there will be updates to the imagery, videos and just about everything else over there.
The Usher of Alternative Rock
I’m getting my ass back in shape, too. Mostly through roller skating. No, not skateboarding. Not rollerblading. Roller skating. On a pair of “quad” skates not too different from the ones I strapped to my feet every Friday night as a preteen at the (now defunct) Lonor Roller Rink in rural central Wisconsin.
Annie got me back into it, actually. We went to a kid’s birthday party at Skate-O-Mania (aka Roller King) here in Albuquerque back in October. I had a lot of fun grooving around the rink and getting my legs to remember the moves. Annie struggled as a person who had never really skated before, but she moved around the rink gamely. Something about that day caused her to catch the skating bug.
She started talking about taking lessons. Then she started taking lessons. Got herself her own skates. Started following – and showing me – all the cool Instagram accounts of today’s raddest skaters and the culture they were upholding and helping to create.
And I didn’t want to be left out!
So I got my own skates. We converted the garage into a mini rink. Stuck a Bluetooth speaker out there.
It’s been great! I’m learning lots of new moves. I’m getting myself back into good shape, physically. I’m connecting with music in a different and inspiring way. It’s the best!
Naturally, I hope to incorporate skating into my music career more and more as I continue to gain confidence and improve.
Did you see Usher at the Super Bowl? That was so cool! Basically, that’s how I wanna be, but in the realm of alternative rock. It’s all happening!
What’s your relationship with skating? Are you aware that there’s been a bit of a boom in the sport since the pandemic? Fun stuff!
EMDR You Ready for This?
It’s no secret that I’m a big therapy guy.
In the wake of my family estrangement, therapy became especially important to me and my progress as a developing human being.
Recently, I took a pause from traditional talk therapy in order to try EMDR. In case you’re not familiar, it stands for Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing. I first became aware of it probably four or five years ago. Then during the pandemic I read The Body Keeps the Score by Bessel van der Kolk, which contains a section with a pretty glowing description of the therapy and how it can help people finally process emotions and events that have kept them stuck.
It’s really helped a lot, I have to say. At first, I was skeptical. Then I started noticing some changes. I was becoming less reactive, less prone to triggers. But I chalked it up to some sort of placebo effect.
Now I’m a true believer. It really works.
My mind is so much less troubled than it was when I began the therapy last fall. This has contributed to an even deeper understanding of the trauma I experienced in childhood and its impact on my adult life. It feels like I’m finally able to process events that have kept me stuck in my scared boyhood brain for decades. Damn.
I’ll probably go back to talk therapy again soon. I think it works for me, and it’s helpful to have a professional in my corner to listen to me, guide me and help me process my various challenging brain secretions. It’s good maintenance.
But EMDR is something special. It represents a breakthrough. It probably doesn’t work for everyone. But it really has worked for me. And I really needed it.
What’s your therapy story? Do you have experience with EMDR?
The Produce Section
One of the things that’s kept me busy over the last several months is my production work. Yes, I’ve been putting the finishing touches on new music from me, Matt Kollock. But I’ve also branched out to start producing music for other artists. The fruits of this labor will be available for your inspection soon. Stay tuned!
Are you looking for someone to produce your music? I might be your person. Let me know what you’re looking for.
I’m also producing podcasts! The Matt Kollock Show is coming back soon for a new season of episodes. And I’ve been lending my services to others who are creating their own shows. The fruits of this labor will also be available for your inspection soon. I’ll let you know.
Could I be your podcast-producer person? Let’s talk!
Until Next Time
Sheesh! A branch just fell on our house. Dented the soffit on its way down. This wind! It fell right above my studio space. But everyone here is okay.
Big winds, big changes, big business and big bucks! This ain’t no fooling around.
I’ll be writing a lot more in the coming months. Posting more. Podcasting more. Broadcasting the beacon and (hopefully, honestly) alienating anyone who would prefer me to just shut up.
I encourage you to follow me on Instagram for the most frequent updates. And be sure to follow me on the streaming service of your choice so you don’t miss any new music.
Also, check out my entry for the 2024 NPR Music Tiny Desk Contest here, won’t you?
All right. This has been fun. I feel like we’re all caught up now. Feels great!
So what’s been going on with you?